A lot of our suffering comes from
our desire to be understood by others.
It is normal for communication to be
misunderstood and misinterpreted by others at times. Just as a spelling mistake
is possible in a simple word, so is a misunderstanding possible in
relationships. And all of it is caused by how someone wants to interpret what
is being said or imagine that something else, than what is being said, is being
implied! In a situation when there is repeated breakdown of communication, or
even aggravated, angry, violent expressions of communication, it is best to
remain quiet. And, more importantly, it is best to give up the need to be
understood.
This may also require remaining quiet for
long periods of time. Maybe even for years at a stretch. This is true in all contexts__with
parents, children, spouses, siblings, extended families, friends, neighbors, workplace
teams and such. Time and the truth alone can heal such situations. On the other
hand, when you try to force an understanding and try to get people to see you
the way you want to be seen, you will undoubtedly suffer. But you have a choice
not to suffer in the throes of the pain that such misunderstandings can cause.
Just stop feeling pity for yourself, stop demanding that you are understood,
and your suffering will cease. The pain may still be there, and so will the
factors causing the pain, but you will not suffer.
Accept that this strained situation is the current
reality that you have to live with. Give the situation love by practising
forgiveness – forgive yourself and the others involved too. Who started it
first is immaterial, just accept being a co-creator of the situation and
forgive everyone. Slowly, surely, you will find yourself becoming peaceful.
When one person is at peace, the entire circle of influence of that person, even
if people are estranged, benefits from the peace. Be a
peace champion. Begin with yourself.
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