I read this somewhere: “An argument seeks to establish who is right
and a discussion is to decide what is right!”
With India going into a very significant
election over this month and in May, social media is agog with opinions and
views on what people think will happen in the next 45-odd days – who will win,
who is worthy of becoming PM and such. But even as people are expressing
themselves freely, there’s a great deal of angst and intolerance that’s apparent.
Political ideologies are dividing people at a social level. Often affecting old
friendships. And that’s a sad thing to happen. I believe friendship that cannot
allow a candid, calm and constructive discussion is not a mature friendship.
What we all have to recognize is that whether someone supports one leader or
the other, the core issue here is that all Indians want better leadership. Each
one feels the person he or she is inspired by is a better leader. Now, if you
don't support your friend's choice of national/political leadership, discuss
and debate about the leader and leadership – don't rubbish your friend hoping
to win an avoidable, vitriolic argument. This serves no purpose. Actually,
honestly, even social media posts serve no purpose at a nation-building level.
But they do serve as a means of expressing ourselves freely. Such expression
must be respected and any personal or acerbic remarks must be avoided ideally and
surely expunged!
I have learnt that arguments over anything –
not just over a political or academic or religious or ideological viewpoint –
serve no purpose. They end up raising the decibel level and increasing
acrimony. An argument is really an ego game. It is always fought over who is
right than what is right. At a deeply spiritual level, even right and wrong is
relative. What may be right to someone may always appear wrong to someone else.
Or what may be right now to someone may appear to be wrong to the same person
at another time. So, when what is right is debateable, what’s the point in
deciding – that too, over a painful, often wasted, argument – who is right?
Osho, the Master, explains this beautifully:
“Life is not divided into black and white – a lot of it is more like gray. And
if you see very deeply, white is one extreme of gray and black is another
extreme, but the expanse is of gray. So one can see it as white and one
can see it as black. It is as if a glass is there, half full, half empty. Somebody
says it is half full and this is the truth and somebody says it is half empty
and this is the truth... and they start fighting. All arguments are more or
less like that.”
So, in any context, in any situation, avoid the
urge to argue. And stop wanting to be right and to be seen as right. If you
have an opinion that is fair and constructive, and if you think all parties in
the discussion will have the maturity to accept it, express it. If you believe
that maturity is lacking in the forum, exercise your right to not participate. Ideally every perspective shared in a discussion must be
constructive and must create value. If you can’t ensure that, it’s a simpler
and intelligent response to just stay silent.
