What I have learnt from Chetan Bhagat's journey

Don’t judge anyone unless you have walked their path.

Judging people comes easily to all of us. And at times we judge people about whose lives we have no idea. We just go with popular opinion – either agreeing or disagreeing with it – while passing judgments about such people. I believe each of us must develop a responsible and compassionate attitude towards others instead of being reckless or fickle.

I have a confession to make. I am not a fan of Chetan Bhagat. Not because I have read his book(s) and ended up not liking what he wrote or his style. I simply chose to not be his fan because there were many I knew – some of whom had read his work(s) – who disliked him. My opinion of Chetan Bhagat was an acquired one and not based on personal experiences or preferences. This opinion was acquired way back in the 2004~2005 timeframe when Five Point Someone was released. I was definitely not as evolved as I am today, back then. I have never read Five Point Someone, till now, though I understand (having been told so by some of his die-hard fans) that it is Bhagat’s finest work to date. Over the years, even as Bhagat’s stature and popularity grew immensely, somehow I preferred to ignore every time Bhagat the person, his work, or his columns, popped up around me – on TV, in the papers, in social conversations, on social media and such. “Chetan Bhagat, no, thank you,” would be my sub-conscious, even pre-meditated, response each time.

Picture Courtesy: India Today/Internet

And then, this week, the latest issue of India Today hit me! I have worked for the magazine in the 90s and I know that if my former boss, and India Today Editor-in-Chief, Aroon Purie, clears a story to go on the cover, it – the subject or the person – has to have some serious merit. The magazine has changed a lot since I left the India Today Group in 1995, but I know it still stays rooted to some strong values and principles. And what hit me this week is that Chetan Bhagat is on the magazine’s cover! I read the story written by Mini Kapoor completely. I am not going to comment on the quality of the story or the pictures or the layout. I am simply going to share what I learnt from it – from understanding Bhagat’s Life and his path to success as a writer, better.

My learnings could not have come at a more opportune time. Just this past month, in August 2014, Westland published and released my first Book – “Fall Like A Rose Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money”. As a first-time author, I am trying to understand how publishing works, how the book trade works, how a book is distributed, what drives people to pick up a book, what kind of people read the kind of book I have written – these are just some of too many angles to consider while you work towards your book going out, reaching people, touching their lives and, hopefully, making a difference. Even as I am grappling with these aspects, I read Kapoor’s cover story on Bhagat in India Today. I just realized that in a decade-long career as a published author his books have sold eight million copies! I knew he was a banker who had kicked his white-collar job to follow his bliss as a writer, but I had never paused to understand why he did that. Now I know that it was a phase of darkness in his professional career that impelled him to write, to share and to express himself. I saw a parallel there to my Book’s birth – it came in the throes of our Firm’s bankruptcy and our personal cashless situation. I read his interview in the magazine and was impressed with his vision for being a change agent – by using his connect with young Indians, to invite them to be the change that we so urgently need to see in India. I could relate to his sentiments about changing India completely. Thanks to what I read, and what I internalized, my respect for Chetan Bhagat just went up several, several notches.

I may perhaps never be his fan in that sense – because I don’t read fiction much. But I read the excerpt of Half Girlfriend, that India Today has carried, and I felt his story-telling is good and he caters to the reading-ability and the social sensitivity of his target audience well. I paused to reflect and ask myself why was I not willing to even consider Bhagat’s existence until now? And why this sudden transformation in my attitude towards him? That’s when I realized that I had just been swept by popular opinion and I had been, I must admit, judgmental. Without reason, without a personal experience. In my Book too, in the context of our Life, I have championed the need to stay away from judging anyone unless we have been on the same path that they are on. Only when I turned an author and got on to the road,  on which Bhagat is several light years ahead, I realized how challenging his own journey must have been and I truly understood the value he has created for those people who have read his works.

Every time an urge to judge someone or pass a random – often rabid – opinion arises in us, let us pause and ask ourselves – Do we know them? Do we know their story? Have we been on the same road, the same journey as them? Do we have a personal experience with them that substantiates the opinion that we are beginning to see form in us? This is one way I am learning to stop being judgmental about people. And at such times when I do have a personal experience driving my opinion, I still ensure that I keep my sentiments to myself or I share it with the person concerned. This is how, I believe, we can make our world a better place for all of us to live and thrive peacefully!

                                                                                                                                                               

Forgiveness is an evolutionary process

While forgiveness is the ‘right’ thing to do, everyone struggles with it. You can avoid the struggle by considering the value forgiving someone brings you – it frees you from all the suffering.

I read a recent interview that author Chetan Bhagat gave ‘Bombay Times’. He talks about the turbulent relationship he has had with his father to Priya Gupta: “I felt he was not fair to my mother. Maybe, it was a result of his own inner frustrations, but he would not give her freedom and I had to write ‘2 States’ a) to understand where my father was coming from and b) to forgive him. It was difficult for me to forgive him, but ‘2 States’ helped me forgive my father. He lives in Delhi and I rarely meet him. I last met him at a family function two years back. Even if (I have) not forgiven (him) completely, there is no anger in me today and at least I have reached a stage of indifference. I am still working on it.” I can relate to what Bhagat is experiencing. I have been through exactly the same feelings in a few of my close relationships – forgiving is indeed difficult. But when you do forgive someone, it sets you – and them -  free!

What we need to understand about forgiveness is that it is not necessarily something that can always happen in a nanosecond. In most cases, it happens over time and through “waves of awareness”. The need for forgiveness arises primarily when you have been wronged or you feel you have been wronged. Since the issue begins with who’s right and who’s wrong it really is about gamesmanship between two, often unrelenting, egos. Then there’s enormous hurt to deal with – you keep wondering why you have been treated this way by the other person. Your asking why only makes the situation worse. Whatever has happened has happened; someone’s hurt you. Asking why, and seeking remedy or an apology or even an explanation – none of which is normally forthcoming – causes all your suffering. To really forgive someone you must cross all these barriers. You can do that only when you are “aware” that Life is too short to carry the burden of anger, hurt and grief. You, of course, know this truth about Life, but when you are hurt, you are simply not conscious about it. This awareness takes time evolving. But you can make a beginning by understanding that forgiving someone does not mean condoning their actions, behaviors or mistakes. It really means that you recognize and accept that they are human too and are therefore prone to making mistakes. Next, when you forgive, forgive unconditionally. Don’t sit in judgment of whether someone deserves to be forgiven or not. What is important is that you need to forgive for you to stop suffering, for your hurt to heal. Third, when, despite your forgiving, you find that someone is not sorry, don’t agonize. That’s their problem. Remember that when you have an expectation over someone else’s behavior, you will be the one to suffer when your expectation is not met. So, why invite agony? Finally, forgiveness does not mean you will be comfortable in the person’s presence or when you think about that person. This is particularly relevant to remember in close relationships where you cannot avoid interactions completely. What forgiveness does is it takes away the sting, it draws out your anger and, as Bhagat explains, it helps you to stay unmoved and indifferent.  

I have learnt from Life that every instance that involves someone hurting me has only led me to grow wiser and stronger. Until I learnt to forgive I would be bitter from such experiences. I now realize that while some episodes cannot be forgotten, forgiving is best in everyone’s interest. It have found that it makes me feel lighter and stay positive.

Today, as any other, is a good day to forgive anyone who’s hurt you or even yourself for what you may have done. Think of forgiveness as an evolutionary process. And go through it. Taste the freedom it brings you. It’s bliss.