No matter what could have been, it is always what it is

And whatever it is, when you find yourself down in the dumps, get up, dust yourself and move on.

A friend, who had had one drink too many, left his car keys at the bar counter while he stepped into the restroom. When he came back he didn’t notice that the keys were missing. And when he did realize this, he also discovered, to his horror, that his car had been stolen! Obviously, he felt like a worm. Very miserable. He called me this morning. And we had a long chat.

Obviously, he’s been suffering with both grief and guilt over the past week. He told me that the last few weeks have been challenging for him. He’s been having a rough time at work. He’s lost his car now. And he’s not sure if will get one of the positions he’s applied for in another company. “I just feel all this is too much for me to handle. Why should I go through what I am going through,” he lamented.

I empathized with my friend. But I told him that “why” is the most futile question to ask in circumstances where you have no control over what’s happening to you. My friend, however, was angry with himself. “Didn’t my carelessness cost me car?” he asked.  I replied: “Sure it did. But what’s the point in lamenting that you were careless. You were careless. You lost your car. Period. It is what it is. Don’t be careless again. No point in going on brooding over what’s happened. Now that the car is lost, you are no longer in control of the car or the situation. And that is the brutal truth. You have only one option here. Which is to accept what is – your carelessness and carlessness – and move on.”

As he calmed down, my friend was keen to know how much of a role determinism plays in Life. Sure enough, one argument is that determinism governs our Life to a large extent. Whatever has to happen alone happens. This doesn’t mean that free will does not have a role to play. Of course it is free will that led my friend to drink more than he should have, it was also free will that led him to the restroom and it was the same free will that made him leave his keys on the bar counter. But people in favor of the determinism theory will say all of what happened to my friend was pre-determined. It was ordained. But I don’t see a need for a debate at all. It is a waste of time. Determinism, to me, is a theory that you bring in to explain your Life when free will ceases to reasonably justify whatever’s happening to you. So don’t theorize, don’t explain, don’t justify Life – simply accept it!  

The best way then to live your Life is to drop all the grief, drop all the guilt, and stop brooding on what could have been. No matter what could have been, it is always what it is. When you live Life with such clarity and a clinical detachment with the past, and with no expectation from the future, then you will be able to live in this world and yet be above it! 

Making progress, while just being…

‘Just Being’ does not retard or impair progress. ‘Just Being’ IS progress.

Many of us see ‘just being’ as inaction. And so imagine that it will breed inertia and make us vegetables. We find logic in this argument and so we feel that staying busy is important. You can be running on a treadmill and you could still be in the same place. Staying busy is just that. It doesn’t get you anywhere. ‘Just Being’, on the other hand, does not mean inaction. It means:

1.     Being in the moment, engaged, mindful. Thoroughly involved. Which is a LOT of action.

2.   Being involved with also DOING what is possible, what is right and doing it well, in that moment, and yet BEING DETACHED from the outcome.

When 1 and 2 are happening simultaneously, where’s the question of passivity or inertia or remaining grounded? You are in flight! You are soaring. Despite the storm, despite the chaos, your sails are filled with grace, energy and momentum!

Vietnamese Buddhist guru Thich Nhat Hanh teaches this so well. He calls ‘Just Being’ non-action, not inaction. “Sometimes if we don’t do anything, we can help more than if we do a lot. We call that non-action. It is like the calm person on a small boat in a storm. That person does not have to do much, just to be himself, and the situation can change,” he says. His prescription for ‘just being’ is mindfulness. He describes it thus: “Mindfulness is our ability to be aware of what is going on both inside us and around us. It is the continuous awareness of our bodies, emotions, and thoughts. Through mindfulness, we avoid harming ourselves and others, and we can work wonders. If we live mindfully in everyday life, walk mindfully, are full of love and caring, then we create a miracle and transform the world into a wonderful place. The object of your mindfulness can be anything. You can look at the sky and breathe in and say, 'Breathing in, I'm aware of the blue sky.' So you are mindful of the blue sky. The blue sky becomes the object of your mindfulness. 'Breathing out, I smile to the blue sky.' Smiling is another kind of practice. First of all, you recognize the blue sky as existing. And if you continue the practice, you will see that the blue sky is wonderful. It may be that you've lived thirty or forty years but you have never seen and touched the blue sky that deeply.”

The Chinese character for mindfulness, nian, (pictured here), reveals its meaning. The upper part of the character means ‘now’ and the lower part means ‘heart’. Literally, the combined character means the act of experiencing the present moment with your heart or ‘Just Being’. ‘Just Being’ connects you to the source of your creation, helps you drop anchor and find bliss in whatever you do, wherever you are!

Don’t fall for the bait and get attached to outcomes – stay detached!

Stay detached from the outcome of your efforts and you will be at peace. Detachment really means to be unmoved in any situation – success or failure, victory or defeat.

Picture Courtesy: The New Indian Express/Internet

Team India’s Captain Cool, M.S.Dhoni, reminded us yesterday, yet again, why he is such a rare human being, player and leader. After India’s comprehensive defeat at the hands of the Aussies in Sydney in the 2015 ICC World Cup semi-final on Thursday night, Dhoni said: “Of course we are disappointed not to be in the final, but then only one team can win. Australia played better cricket today (Thursday). The Cup did not belong to us. We took it from someone and someone else will take it from us. If we had played better cricket on this particular day, we would have won." This is the simplest, most logical explanation anyone can give in any situation like the one India finds itself in – they played a great World Cup campaign, winning seven out of seven games until losing in the semi-final. Also, when you do badly and lose a game, there are only learnings, never justifications. And finally, staying detached – as Dhoni is and has always been – from the outcome is the best way to preserve and nurture your inner peace.

Indeed, like sports, Life too is competitive. But no matter how hard you work, and how ethical you are, there will be times when you will not get what you want or perhaps even deserve. And there will be other times when you will be successful. In either situation, stay detached. Remember this: Life happens through us, never because of us. So, when we succeed at what we are trying to achieve, stay unaffected by the accolades. And when you fail at something, or rather when someone else succeeds in your place, choose again to remain unruffled. In the game of Life, someone will necessarily have to win. And it need not always have to be you!

To be sure, however, on the spiritual plane, success and failure, victory and defeat, mean nothing. Everything is transient, everything is a mere experience, and if you pause to reflect deeply, everything is an impermanent illusionary experience! So, don’t fall for the bait and get attached to outcomes – stay detached. In any situation, you have only your efforts to focus on and count on. Here’s how you deal with your efforts:

-       Good efforts and you succeed at the task – take it easy

-       Poor efforts and you succeed at the task – take it easy

-       Good efforts and you fail at the task – take it easy

-       Poor efforts and you fail at the task – take it easy

Take it easy every which way. Learn every single time. Remember this too: as Dhoni recounted and the Bhagavad Gita says, “Nothing belongs to you. And nothing will be with you forever. What is yours belonged to someone else yesterday and will belong to yet another tomorrow!” So, stay detached. Stay in peace.

Possessor or possessed?

Are you in possession of something or is it in possession of you?

So very often we get attached to things. Every attachment fuels a desire to control. To possess. To own. Unknown to us, we end up being possessed by it! There are people who are worried about their status and prestige in society. To them, being humble, being ordinary, being vulnerable is suffering because they are constantly worried about what others will think about them. They no longer earn their status, they are controlled by having to keep it! Some are attached to their property, their car, their phones, their desks, their cameras and sometimes, to their opinions. Even attachment to an idea can cause suffering.

For instance, some have an idea that they will be happy subject to certain conditions being fulfilled. So, if those conditions are not met, they will be unhappy. This applies to habits too. Are you owning a packet of cigarettes or is it owning you__when you are in a no-smoking area and your mind is on the packet with you and on your craving to smoke, it is controlling your every thought, isn't it? There's a poem that describes The Buddha thus: "The Buddha is like a full moon sailing across an empty sky." Meaning that The Buddha's happiness was immense because he possessed nothing.

When our mental landscapes are full of things that we possess__ideas, material objects, opinions, habits, worries__we are no longer in charge of our lives. When we let go of every single thing we possess__physically, literally, figuratively and metaphorically__we will be blissful. This does not mean abdication. This means remaining detached so that we too can sail with abandon in the beauty of this wondrous Universe.

Making peace with painful memories

When painful memories arise in you, don’t avoid them. Don’t fear them. Let them come, you revisit them and, after seeing their futility, just let them go.

Memories are funny things. They just crop up – often randomly. Without any ostensible trigger. When they are about painful situations that you have been through, such memories can weigh you down for days and weeks on end at times. Because they are difficult to deal with, you will want to shut them away. But they refuse to budge. This is why painful memories linger on and continue to haunt you.

But there is an effective way to deal with them though.

When I am confronted with a painful memory, I let the event replay in my mind completely. I allow all the characters and emotions – the anger, grief, guilt, or any other feeling associated with the event – to play out and examine everything, and everyone, clearly. In such times, I play the role of an observer, a fly on the wall, who is watching the entire proceedings dispassionately – just as someone watches a movie. Every time I do this, I find myself detached from whatever has happened, even if the event has affected me deeply in the past, and, perhaps therefore, I am able to forgive the way I have been treated by someone or even by Life itself.

Memories are just a way of your mind dragging you to live clinging on to the past. And as long as you are living in the past, you cannot enjoy the present. But you can neither ask your mind to shut up, nor can you shut out memories. The only way you can deal with debilitating, painful, draining memories is for you to be aware and understand the futility of revisiting them.

Of what use is a memory of someone having betrayed you? Can you go back and change things? Of what use is a memory of the death of a loved one? Can you bring back that person from the dead? Does feeling guilty over a mistake you committed – however grave it may have been – ever going to help you undo what you did?

I have struggled too, for a long time, over memories of being called a cheat by members of my own family (I have recounted my painful experience in my Book, “Fall Like A Rose Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money”; Westland Books, August 2014). For months and years I grieved over trying to understand why my family failed to understand me. Then one day, during my mouna (silence period) session, it suddenly occurred to me that my pining for understanding from my family members was making no sense to them. I owed them money. And until I repaid them, the label of “cheat” was unlikely to be ripped off me. That’s when I concluded that revisiting the memory itself was futile. Unless I gave my family what they wanted – money – there was going to be no closure to the episode from their side. And since malicious words once spilled, erroneous labels once stuck, baseless opinions once expressed, cannot really be taken back, it would never matter, not to me, not any more, what my family thought of me – even after I repaid the money! That’s really when I understood how futile it is to revisit painful memories.

You too can make peace with your painful memories. Just examine them with detachment. And you will, pretty soon, realize how meaningless it is to hold on to them. 

A Sufi parable and a Sunday lesson

Don’t identify yourself with your problems and feelings. Stay detached. And you will be in peace.

Junaid, a famous Sufi mystic, was in the market-place with his disciples. He always coached his disciples using real-Life situations.

A man was dragging his cow by a rope. Junaid walked up to the man and said, “Wait!”

He then told his disciples: “Surround this man and the cow. I am going to teach you something.”

The man stopped obeyed Junaid  and stopped. He was also interested in what he was going to teach these disciples and how he was going to use him and the cow.

Junaid asked his disciples: “Who is bound to whom? Is the cow bound to this man or is this man bound to this cow?”

“Of course,” the disciples said, “The cow is bound to the man. The man is the Master, he is holding the rope, the cow has to follow him wherever he goes. He is the Master and the cow is the slave.”

And Junaid said, “Now, see, what happens.” He took out a pair of scissors and cut the rope – and the cow escaped!

The man ran after the cow, and Junaid told his disciples, “Now look what is happening! Now you see who is the Master; the cow is not interested at all in this man – in fact, she is escaping.”

The man was very angry. He asked Junaid: “What kind of experiment is this?”

But Junaid was busy explaining the learning to his disciples: “And this is the case with your mind too.

All the nonsense – your memories, fears, anxieties, grief, guilt, all that and more – that you are carrying inside is not interested in you. You are interested in it, you are keeping it together somehow – you are becoming mad in keeping it together somehow. Only you are interested IN it. The moment you lose interest, the moment you understand the futility of it, it will start disappearing; just like the cow, it will escape.”

This beautiful Sufi story teaches us the power of detachment and the futility in identifying with situations and emotions. The more we identify, the more we will suffer. When we fail at something, for instance, we are quick to label ourselves as a failure. Wrong. Failure is an event. It is not a person. Similarly, you make a mistake. It is an event. Don’t identify with the mistake by feeling guilty. Just learn your lesson from the mistake, from the experience, drop the guilt and move on. It’s all a mind-game at the end of the day. The more importance you give to what your mind is saying, it will lead you and hold you hostage. The moment you disregard your mind, it will, like the cow in Junaid’s story, stop leading you. And you will then be free and at peace!  

The power of, and in, acceptance

When you accept things and people for what they are, it does not necessarily mean you approve of them that way. Acceptance leads you to inner peace – and that, if you really want to, helps you to work on changing the way people and things are.

Let’s say you have been trying to deal with someone who has a drinking problem – a parent or partner or sibling or colleague or friend. You have tried to counsel, inspire, dictate and plead with that person to give up drinking. But all that has been in vain. Now, accepting that person for who he or she is, the way he or she is, will definitely help you be peaceful with yourself and your current reality in matters concerning this person. But will your evolved, “accepting” nature, seem like a sign of approval and invite more of such “unreasonable” behavior by the person concerned? Well, it really will not if you ensure that your acceptance of the situation – of having to deal with an alcoholic in your Life – is not seen as sign of your approval of alcoholism as an act. Your acceptance is for you to see things, and people, the way they are. When you are fighting a situation, you are hoping things will change dramatically by your mere resistance. But some situations – like reforming an alcoholic, fixing a broken relationship, turning around a failed business – take a lot of time. No situation or reality can be turned around by resisting it. It is only through accepting a situation, that you can understand its contours with total clarity. It is only by seeing a situation clearly that you can work on solving it.

Of course, sometimes acceptance can lead you to total detachment too. We had a friend who, over time, became an alcoholic and wasted himself completely. His wife loved him dearly and tried her best to wean him off the bottle. But he was unable to give up drinking. Initially, his wife grieved a lot. But then she learned to accept her reality, learned to accept her companion for the way he was, and, in fact, cared for him compassionately, as he was struck by cirrhosis of the liver and had to spend months in hospital. He eventually died, felled by his ruinous habit! When we visited her, she had this to say: “I had tried everything that I humanly could. When I realized that I could not change him anymore, I simply became accepting of him the way he was. I saw him die. But while he was in hospital, I did everything I again could to care for him. My acceptance of the situation gave me tremendous inner peace. There was no grief anymore. Just peace.”

Acceptance works in all situations and with all kinds of people. You can use acceptance to work on finding a solution to whatever you are faced with or practise detachment if a solution evades you. Importantly, acceptance is what makes you peaceful. When you are at peace with yourself and your world you can make more informed, intelligent choices. It is through such choices that you can live the Life that you truly want. When you live a Life that you love, you cannot but be happy – despite the circumstances that you find yourself in!

Coping with Life when you don’t get what you want

Life often will not work the way you want it to. In such times, more than any other, it is important to learn to stay detached from the outcomes of your efforts.

A dear friend is going through a grim career crisis. He’s an expert, the tallest professional, in his field. He’s well known and widely respected in the industry. Yet he’s unable to get himself a job. He briefly tried his hand at consulting but things didn’t work out. The few times he did get jobs, in the last five years, he has been unable to retain them. Either he fell out with his bosses or the company he worked for decided to close down his division or there was a downsizing that led to his axing. In the last few months, my friend has been out of job again and is battling depression and negativity – which is stemming from his efforts on the job front drawing a naught every single time.

Anger, frustration, self-doubt, self-pity and depression – all these are by-products of an expectation that if you are hard-working, sincere and ethical, nothing should go wrong with your plans or that every effort of yours should yield the result or outcome that you truly deserve and expect. There’s nothing wrong with this logical expectation. In reality though, Life doesn’t conform to any logic. Fortune or tragedy, success or failure, opportunity or rejection – none of these choose those that they strike! They simply happen. Because Life happens through the medium of time. And each of us, whether we like it or not, whether we accept it or not, whether we believe it or not, is a product of the time we are going through. So, you can be the most talented, most respected person in your chosen field and you can be out of work. You can appear to be the fittest person around but you could be having a grave health challenge. You can be the most understanding, caring and compassionate spouse, and yet your partner could be in another relationship. Simply, there’s no point getting angry with the Life you have. Because your anger or depression can’t change your reality.

This doesn’t mean that you should resign to your fate. Acceptance is different from resignation. In resignation, there’s a certain frustration and depression that is simmering within. In acceptance, there’s peace and equanimity. In acceptance, there’s an opportunity for further action. In resignation, your frustration will hold you hostage. It will keep pushing you down a negative spiral. When you accept your current reality, you will realize that the best thing to do when things are not working out as planned, is to simply make your daily efforts and choose not to get depressed when the results don’t come as expected. This is not a profound perspective. This is a real world, practical point of view. It comes from experience and from knowing that when you don’t get what you want, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. It simply means it not time yet for you to get what you want!

It is best to be in a constant “let go” mode

When something gets taken away from you, let it go. If it’s a person who chooses to leave you, let that person go too. When you let go, and don’t cling on, you will not suffer.

I was neither a good giver. Nor was I able to detach myself from things and people and opinions. But, over time, I have learnt how important it is to simply let go. I have been a voracious reader all my Life. And had been collecting books. My collection spanned management-related books and those that dwelt on spirituality. I was meticulous with my collection. Each book was wrapped in plastic (to serve as enhanced protection) and neatly indexed. I had over 550 titles – a great collection of management and spirituality books built up over 20 years. Just 550 books in 20 years? – The number actually shows how discerning I am as a reader and how unique my collection was! And then, a day came when we had to close down our office. Our home did not have enough space for me to move these books to. I had to make a choice. Either I took the books with me and let them use up precious living space at home or I just gave them all away to someone (I know) who runs a training company in Bangalore. I chose to let go and give away the books. I called this person up and he readily agreed to accept all the books. He was setting up a library in his new office and this was a timely gift. All the books went into several cartons. When the consignment left my office, I felt heavy in my heart. It was as if a part of me was getting taken away. The person who received my gift of books called me a “magnanimous” giver. I am not sure I am that, but I could make out that I had learnt to be less attached with things through that action. 10 years ago, I would not have been able to do this. But now I believe I have developed a higher level of detachment from people, things and opinions.

Being detached does not mean you don’t care. It doesn’t mean you must not love or desire someone or something. It means you must transcend that love, that desire – which creates your attachment. It means that you must “see” the truth about Life that no one really owns anything, no one really controls anyone. When you are attached to something or someone, you are all along fearful of losing that something or that person. Fear debilitates. Instead if you simply, deeply, loved that something or someone and accepted that while your love is pure and you enjoyed (the act of) loving, you also know that you can’t always have that someone or something. If it is a person, the person will eventually be separated from you – most certainly by death, some day. If it is a thing – like a car or a gadget or even money – know that all things, including money, are impermanent too. Things will break down and have to be discarded. Money will too someday become either inconsequential or unavailable in your Life. So, being detached, really means understanding Life for what it is. And using your understanding of Life to accept it for what it is.

You suffer whenever you are attached, and often refuse to let go, of people, memories, opinions and things. The more you let go, the more you be in a constant let go mode, the more you will be at peace with yourself. In a let go, there’s just inner peace – and no suffering ever!

Detachment – the key to Inner Peace

Sometimes, Life will take away what you love and want most – could be people or things. You will find it very, very hard to accept that you don’t have that someone or something anymore. But it is only through a loss that you learn about Life – and its transience.  

On a lighter note....!!!!

Everything that you are I have has been acquired during the course of this lifetime. When you were born you came with nothing. When you die you will go with nothing. Your name, your education, your titles, your fame, your money, your assets, your relationships – everything was got here, on this journey called Life. When your Life ends, you will leave behind everything. This is the way Life is. Yet, if you examine your emotions closely, you will find that all your grief and suffering comes from your attachment to all those very things and people who you will leave behind. It is at one level so evident, so basic. That all that you cling on to cannot go with you. But even then you hold on to all that gives you grief?

There’s an old Persian story. A fakir who was wandering in the desert stopped by at the Amir’s inn. The fakir had nothing but a worn-out flowing garment on him held together by a rope strapped around his waist. The Amir was moved by the fakir’s plight and gave him his best velvet robe as a gift. The fakir accepted the robe, wore it and went away cheerfully. That night the fakir stopped to rest under a tree. He decided to roll up the velvet robe and used it as a pillow. But he could not catch sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he imagined that bandits were attacking him to take away his robe. He tossed and turned and even sat up for a few hours. But his mind was full of fear of being robbed of his velvet robe. Finally, he took the robe, flung it far away into the darkness, and went to sleep. He slept for the rest of the night like a baby – soundly, peacefully!

The velvet robe is but a metaphor. It symbolizes all that we are attached too. Unless we learn to detach ourselves from everything – absolutely everything, including people – we will never quite experience inner peace.

A lesson in detachment from a certain Mr.Brij

Nothing is yours. Nothing is mine. We own nothing. You get only what you deserve. And if you don’t get what you believe you deserve, well, that’s the way it was meant to be!

Last evening we were at a music concert. It was free seating for all classes in the audience. However, by paying an extra price you could reserve vantage seats in the hall. As we settled down into our seats that were available randomly, we noticed that the two seats immediately in front of us were labelled “Mr.Brij”. There was a couple seated in them, who, we presumed, were “Mrs. and Mr.Brij”. Soon the hall filled up. We were two minutes away from the start of the show, when two gentlemen walked up the aisle, to the seats labelled “Mr.Brij”.

One of them told the lady, who was seated closest to the aisle: “M’am, I think there’s been a mistake. You both are in our seats!”

The lady replied rather brusquely: “Perhaps we are. But we are going nowhere!”

The man was startled. Obviously, you don’t expect someone who is sitting in a seat you have reserved to be brazen about it. He politely requested the lady and her husband to get up. When they did not respond, the man went looking for one of the volunteers ushering in people. He came back with someone who seemed to be in a position of authority in the auditorium. The organizer-volunteer too appealed to the couple to get up and be seated elsewhere – among the free seats. But the couple were unrelenting.

As we watched this spectacle, dumbfounded as we were by the couple’s obstinate behavior, announcements were heard asking the audience to be seated quickly to enable the concert to begin.

The man, ostensibly the real Mr.Brij, pleaded one more time: “M’am, my name is up here on the seats. These seats are mine.”

The lady, continuing to be curt, replied nonchalantly: “We are not getting up!”

The announcer backstage had begun to introduce the artistes now. Mr.Brij and his friend looked at the couple disbelievingly. Helplessly. Then Mr.Brij leaned over and told them: “Enjoy the show with my compliments.” There was no sarcasm. No anger. Just a plain, calm wish. He then urged his friend to walk with him. My eyes followed them as they found seats that were vacant at the far end of the auditorium. From where they were seated now, the stage would not be as well visible as it would have been, had they got the seats they had reserved. It was a significant compromise Mr.Brij had made. I am not sure he made that compromise because etiquette demanded that he did not hold up the show. From the way the couple who were squatting in his seats were behaving, had Mr.Brij been persistent and insistent, the organizers would have had to forcibly evict them. This would have surely held up the start of the concert. Or perhaps, Mr.Brij is an evolved and mature human being. Who prefers not to cling on to his position and who practices detachment.

Whoever he is, Mr.Brij made me think. Would you or I have let go what – especially what is morally, ethically, legitimately – is ours? Would we have been able to practice detachment in this, or any similar, situation?

The lesson that Mr.Brij’s attitude teaches us is simple. Don’t let your possessions__and positions__ruin your inner peace.

The more we cling on to material assets – a premium reserved seat is certainly one of them – and/or to opinions, the more we will have to battle the world to keep our possessions secure. The world is full of people who, like that unreasonable couple in the auditorium, will encroach into your Life or will drag you into petty squabbles. They will provoke you with their brazenness. Each time you respond to their silly designs or each time you fight them to correct them or demand your due, you will squander your inner peace. Being detached in such situations is an intelligent response. Because attachments always bring misery. Being detached is the one sure way to experience joy!

However, detachment does not mean giving up your right or not standing up for justice. It only means that you should not let what has caused you to fight, and the fight itself, to ruin your peace of mind. Always evaluate each situation when you feel outraged by such devious behavior__like that of the couple in the auditorium__by asking yourself whether your clinging on to your position will affect your inner peace. If it will, and it surely will, simply let go. It’s simply not worth it. If you, on the other hand, feel it won’t and it will benefit all parties concerned, by all means fight for what is right and what is just!

Make sure you live when you are still alive!

Someone I know told me recently that he found it very difficult to “give up” worldly Life. And so, he concluded, he would never be able to lead his Life with detachment or be able to let go!

I politely reminded him that there really is no need to “give up” anything in order to live! I invited him to understand the true essence of spirituality before he came to his conclusions!

Here’s what (I have learned from Life and) what I shared with him. Spirituality is the flowering of inner awareness. It is the realization that at the end of this lifetime, nothing, not even your experience through this Life that you are living right now, will matter. And through this realization, what is also known as enlightenment, or bliss, you learn to be happy with what you have and lead a Life of contentment and inner peace. Over time, through continuous practice, you cultivate an attitude of detachment. As your awareness grows, so does your ability to live fully, in a “let go” mode!

To be sure, a person who is spiritual, or enlightened, need not abdicate anything. She or he can continue to live in this world, surrounded by all things material, and yet, as the Bhagavad Gita recommends, be above it. As one Zen Master taught his disciples, who wanted to know what enlightenment was: “It is not at all complicated. It only means when hungry, eat. And when tired, sleep!” Most of the time, we complicate our lives by making choices that are clearly avoidable! And then we complain that our lives are meaningless, are not getting us anywhere and that we are unhappy!

Being enlightened does not mean you are more knowledgeable or holier or that you have all the answers. It only means you are more aware – that, often times, in Life, there are no answers. That you simply live the Life that you have been given! Here’s another Zen story to illustrate this point.

The Emperor asked Master Gudo, a renowned Zen Master of his time.

“What happens to a man of enlightenment after death?”

“How should I know?” replied Gudo.

“Because you are a Master,” answered the Emperor.

“Yes Sir, I am” said Gudo, “but not a dead one!!!”

Spirituality clearly is no rocket science. We believe it is because we are trapped in our own small worlds – bogged down by worry, fear, anxiety, grief, anger, hatred and jealousy – and are so caught up in the worldly cycle of earning-a-living, that we have stopped living! Step out and break free from whatever is limiting you. Go live your Life the way you want to. Remember: we live only once – as far as we can believe. Make sure you live when you are still alive!

Sail freely in this big, beautiful, bountiful Universe

Last evening I was at a doctor’s clinic. The doctor, a wonderful lady, was seeing off her friend – who ostensibly also appeared to be her patient – at the door while I waited for my turn to be called in. As the two ladies stood at the clinic’s entrance, the doctor told her friend/patient: “There’s nothing wrong with you. Cheer up! It’s all in your mind! Just learn to be detached. Life is too short. Learn to let go and try not to control anyone or anything in Life! Don’t expect your Life to be perfect either. It never will be. Just live the Life that you have, stay prepared to depart when your turn comes and you will just be fine!”

I am not aware of what the patient’s actual complaint or condition is. But I found the doctor’s perspective truly awakening!

Almost all the time, our suffering comes from our attachments – to people, things, opinions, habits, events and such!  Think about it. Every attachment fuels a desire to control. To possess. To own. Unknown to us, we end up being possessed by it! There are people who are worried about their status and prestige in society. To them, being humble, being ordinary, being vulnerable is suffering because they are constantly worried about what others will think about them. They no longer earn their status, they are controlled by having to keep it! Some are attached to their property, their car, their phones, their desks, their cameras and sometimes, to their opinions. Even attachment to an idea can cause suffering. For instance, some have an idea that they will be happy subject to certain conditions being fulfilled. So, if those conditions are not met, they will be unhappy. This applies to habits too. Are you owning a packet of cigarettes or is it owning you__when you are in a no-smoking area and your mind is on the packet with you and on your craving to smoke, it is controlling your every thought, isn't it?

 

There's a poem that describes The Buddha thus: "The Buddha is like a full moon sailing across an empty sky." Meaning that The Buddha's happiness was immense because he possessed nothing. When our mental landscapes are full of things that we possess__ideas, material objects, opinions, habits, worries__we are no longer in charge of our lives. When we let go of every single thing we possess__physically, literally, figuratively and metaphorically__we will be bliss. This does not mean abdication. This means remaining detached so that we too can sail freely in this big, beautiful, bountiful Universe.

Total fulfillment in Life comes from complete detachment

We own nothing. And we will all die someday. Just understanding these two truths about Life can lead us to complete detachment and total fulfillment.

Dr.P.Srinivasan : Detached therefore Fulfilled!

Last evening I had dinner with an inspiring gentleman. 

Dr.P.Srinivasan, 60, is a medical doctor by training. But he’s a social entrepreneur by choice. In 1995, he co-founded the Jeevan Blood Bank and Research Centre in Chennai, which has since set several milestones in transfusion medicine in India. In 2008, he co-founded another Jeevan initiative, a public cord blood banking organization and a public stem cell bank to help Indians across the world get quick and affordable access to matching stem cells for the treatment of blood cancers and Thalassemia. Life in the last 18 years have not been easy by any measure for Dr.Srinivasan or his committed team at Jeevan ( www.bethecure.in and www.jeevan.org ). Being not-for-profit initiatives the blood bank and the stem cell bank have had to struggle for raising each rupee. Further constantly battling conservative and often misguided public perceptions to their projects and programs can be depressing. Dealing with the paperwork and processes of government and public institutions while seeking grants and support can be very time-consuming and equally draining. Yet, in the last few years that I have known Dr.Srinivasan, I have always found him cheerful and full of Life. Despite his demanding schedules he finds time to pursue his interest in nature and photography. Even as his team prepares to receive a much-deserved government grant in the next few weeks, Dr.Srinivasan is penciling in an itinerary that involves him driving from Kulu to Leh in India in July this year. He is also finalizing plans to drive through Alaska in the US later, in fall, this year.

How does he manage to pack so much into his Life? How does he stay fulfilled__displaying an unbeatable zest for Life? I asked him these questions even as they occurred to me last evening.

I would not have been surprised had Dr.Srinivasan given me the standard answers of following his bliss and loving what he’s doing. Instead he surprised me when he spoke of detachment. He said:

1. I know I own nothing.
2. I have no fear of death

His sense of detachment, I learned, is the secret for his leading a full Life. To be sure, with his credentials and his experience, Dr.Srinivasan could have continued to be in the private healthcare sector. He probably would have been far more successful in his career and wealthier too. Yet he chose to lead missions in the public, non-profit sector because of an awakened sense of social responsibility. Each step forward for him and for Jeevan has been fraught with uncertainty and humungous challenge. Yet he ploughs on __ happy, despite the circumstances, and driven by the causes he has chosen. And he credits detachment with being the secret for fulfillment in his Life!

A significant learning there from a humble, unpretentious man. Most of us believe that drive and detachment are not mutually exclusive. We think we have to be in the mission to see it through. We think that all our waking hours have to be invested only in the mission to ensure and enable its success. So, even after being successful, we often encounter a sense of incompleteness about us, in us. We burn out frequently. The truth is that if you look at Life like Dr.Srinivasan does __ without clinging on to anything, be it your mission in Life or your Life itself __ you will be far more productive and fulfilled. You will be bliss!