Motivation Is An Inside Job

“Is it too late now to say ‘Sorry’?” No. Never!

A friend posed this question: Is the English word ‘sorry’ adequate to repair a relationship or heal a wounded heart – especially when you have caused the hurt, and want to repent, redeem and rebuild?

The simple answer is that as long as you feel sorry, genuinely sorry, and the feeling is arising from within your inner core, it doesn’t really matter what language you use. Language is just a medium of expression. It is the feeling that matters the most. And feeling sorry requires you to be brutally honest with yourself: you must drop all analysis, justification and judgment. When you have realized that you messed up, just own the accountability for what has happened and apologize. Period.

But willingness to apologize is often accompanied by two more, often debilitating, emotions: grief over what happened; and guilt over how you have contributed to what has happened. I have learnt that anyone genuinely repenting a mistake often gets caught between grief and guilt. You begin to ask yourself the same question that my friend has posed – is saying ‘sorry’ adequate? This is when you should refuse to hold on to the grief and guilt for too long. Yet don’t resist the grief or the guilt – it will then persist. Instead, examine your grief and guilt. See the futility of holding on to them. Forgive yourself for your indiscretion or transgression or misdemeanor and move on. Chances are you will be forgiven by the party that you hurt. Chances are you may not or never be forgiven. Remember – you can never control another person’s thoughts or actions. Whatever be the other party’s stand, be clear that you must forgive yourself – only this can restore your inner peace.

I have talked about my experiences with feeling genuinely sorry, and overcoming grief and guilt, in several contexts, in my Book “Fall Like A Rose Petal” (Westland, 2014). One incident that I haven’t shared so far, however, pertains to a conversation that I once had, many years ago, with my dad in the lobby of Hotel Connemara in Chennai.

I have for long had a poor chemistry with my mother. On one occasion, the acrimony between my mother and I was really suffocating. I wanted to somehow try and force her to see reason and consider my point of view. So, I decided to talk to my dad in private, hoping to involve him in communicating with my mother on my behalf. We met at the hotel lobby and sat there for over an hour. I first shared what I wanted to. My dad did not say anything. He was just silent. I implored him, then I tried cajoling him, then I threatened him – demanding that he commit to telling my mother to “change her ways”. But my dad was deadpan. He continued to remain silent. In that entire hour, only I spoke – pleadingly, menacingly, softly, loudly. He never uttered a word. When I realized that this approach was not working out, in utter frustration, I blamed my dad by way of wrapping up the monologue and by way of a summary: “Appa, you are a vegetable (I used a stronger, stinging word by way of an aphorism but will not quote it here); if you had put Amma in her place long ago, there would have been peace and we would not have such a fractious environment in the family.” My words must have stung and I am sure my dad was hurt. But he said nothing. He just wiped his eyes, smiled at me, got up and walked away. Years later, perhaps on account of the spiritual awakening that I have had, I realized that the only way for me to handle the relationship I (don’t) have with my mother is to be both silent and distant. I concluded that she just cannot change; or see reason; at least in matters concerning me! When this realization dawned on me, I could not help but agree with my dad’s approach of employing stoic silence. I felt ashamed, angry, guilty and grief-stricken for the way in which I had hurt my dad. The hurt lingered on in me for a long time – until one day, I apologized to him in person. Again he said nothing. He just smiled back.

‘Sorry’ may seem like one word but involves a lot of hard work. This is what must be fundamentally understood: Do you genuinely feel the apology that you want to offer? Are you willing to first face and then let go of the grief and guilt that may arrive with your saying sorry? Can you accept a situation where you can live with lack of clarity on whether you have been forgiven or not? And unlike what Canadian singer Justin Bieber wonders in his recent chart-topping single ‘Sorry’, it is never too late to say a sorry. If you feel it, simply say it. And, no matter what follows, just forget about it! 

Shaandaar! Zabardast!! Zindabad!!!

Live Life fully alive. Be awesome. Be terrific!

        

My wife Vaani and I have been telling Dasrath Manji’s story, for eight years now, in all our workshops. We inspire and invite managers to learn from Manjhi’s tale of grit and focus no doubt, but we also help them connect with another key learning – living a Life of Purpose. Manjhi found his Life’s Purpose, to break down the mountain in the Gaya district of Bihar, which separated his native Gehlaur from the nearest town Wazirganj. Until Manjhi’s feat, his village-folk had to either climb the 25ft-high mountain by foot to cross it or had to go around it, taking a circuitous 55 km route. Manjhi broke down that mountain with just a hammer and chisel – he did it alone, over 22 years! A feat that is unparalleled in human history. The road Manjhi helped pave between Gehlaur and Wazirganj reduced the distance between the two places to 15 km!

Dasrath Manjhi (left) and Nawazuddin Siddiqui as Manjhi

So, when we saw Ketan Mehta’s just-released biopic on Manjhi – Manjhi: The Mountain Man (Nawazuddin Siddiqui plays Manjhi admirably) – the story wasn’t new to us. In fact, we came away thinking that the film fails to do justice to the simple moosahar (one who eats rats; the name of a community of rat-eaters in Bihar) who chose to serve selflessly. His form of service was to pave a road through a mighty mountain that caused his wife Phaguniya’s death. While the film takes, naturally so, cinematic liberties, like the romance between Manjhi and Phaguniya or the evil acts of the Thakurs and the mukhiya, it somehow falls short of showcasing Manjhi’s purposefulness. He is shown as someone who remains rooted to his cause more from his tryst with the mountain. Perhaps that’s Mehta’s view and we must respect that. But what I liked about the film is that it delivers two memorable messages:

1.     Manjhi’s mantra of “Shaandaar! Zabardast!! Zindabad!!! – Terrific! Awesome!! Alive!!!” is very inspiring. This what Siddiqui’s Manjhi (not sure if Manjhi Original ever spoke those words) tells anyone who asks him how is he doing. He is shown soldiering on against a remorseless mountain in inhuman conditions, but every time someone stops by to ask him how’s he doing, he has only the mantra in reply – “Shaandaar! Zabardast!! Zindabad!!!” It is an infectious mantra no doubt. And something we can practice in our daily lives too.

2.     Mehta’s film shows us how Manjhi too faces his dark moments. When he thinks he cannot go on. When he finds the world out there is cold, its people beastly and inhuman and the mountain unrelenting. But then this is the time when Manjhi dips into his inner being. This is where he meets his Phaguniya who eggs him on to last one more day and to plough on. We too face our mountains. Our mountains are often mere molehills, when compared to Manjhi’s, but we imagine them to be insurmountable peaks standing obstinately in our way. So we too crumble. We too want to badly cry out of the game. We too say we can’t go any further. And that’s when, as this film points out, we must invest in Manjhi’s method of looking within. When we seek within, we will find the energy, the motivation and the reason to plough on – in any context or situation we may find ourselves. Remember: if we listen to what the world has to say, we will get nowhere. The world has only opinions. But the Universe is full of energy. And it is the same energy that powers the Universe that powers you – and me – too. So, when we dip into that energy, we will always find a way to move forward.

I am not sure you or I will have a chance to, or may even want to, break down a mountain like Manjhi did. But if we can learn from the Mountain Man’s Life to be terrific, be awesome, be alive to Life, every single day, and live a Life of Purpose, well, we would surely have lived this lifetime more meaningfully than we are doing just now!   

We are all Special Purpose Vehicles

Is there a right way to live?

Each of us is unique. We come from the same source and we complete this Life's journey to go back to the same source. However, while all Life is equal, our lifetimes are cast in different experiential molds. Each of us has a special role to play in our lifetimes and has been created with a Purpose – and for a Purpose. We are all, to borrow a term from the corporate sector, Special Purpose Vehicles!!! It is only till we discover the Purpose of our creation that we struggle with living out our lifetimes. Magically, when our Purpose manifests itself in front of us, the haze clears and the experiments thus far, and the learnings from them, blend to create our own unique way of thinking, living, working and winning.

The flavors of how we want to live may be as unique as each of us is, but the common thread is to serve and to live intelligently__and happily__ever after, whatever may be the circumstance we are placed in. Hazrat Khawaja Moinuddin Hasan Chisty, the 12th century Sufi saint, whose shrine is located in Ajmer, Rajasthan, has said it so beautifully: “Live your life with the magnanimity of a river, with the kindness of the sun and with the humility of the earth.”

 So, if you think you are stuck in a rut or are lamenting that your Life's going nowhere, relax. Wait till your life's Purpose finds you. And then you too will awaken to the Garib Nawaz's (Chisty is popularly known so) way of living a meaningful and happy Life!!

Understand the nature of, and reason for, your creation

All of us have been created equal. No one is superior. And none is inferior.

When we understand why we have been created, we will find meaning in our lives. It is in comparing ourselves with others that we lose the essence of creation and the awareness of the opportunity in front of us. Comparisons lend us to believe, for example, that just because Sachin Tendulkar is a great batsman, your child, who like most others has an above-average interest in the game of cricket, must become a cricketer. Or someone who can recite a few couplets must become Javed Akhtar. Or because your neighbor has acquired a new Toyota Altis, you must get yourself a big car too. Abandon these comparisons, strip yourself of your desires to become something. Just be. Realize the power within you. Maybe the Sachin wannbe is actually an A R Rahman in the making. Or the part-time poet is actually someone endowed with leadership skills that may be more useful in a corporate role. Understanding the Self, your Self, can awaken you to THE truth: that you have all the energy that powers the Universe within you, and that it will all be available to you when you discover the reason for your creation.

In Hindu mythology, in the Ramayana, Lord Rama asks his Mr.Jeeves, Hanuman, “Who are you?”. Hanuman’s answer is not stemming from a theological and literary perspective. It comes from his being aware of his own Self.  His reply can be understood as follows: “You are the creator and I am the created, You are the Master and I am the Servant, You are the Teacher and I am the Taught, but at a soul level, You and I are one.”  This oneness needs to be discovered and understood, for each of us to live in bliss. In a recent Bollywood movie “Mausam” (2011; directed by ‘Karamchand’ Pankaj Kapur and starring his son Shahid Kapur and Sonam Kapoor), the hero is a Sikh and the girl is a Kashmiri Muslim. When professing her love for the hero, the girl fears how her father will react to the relationship. The hero replies: “At the core of it, beneath the layers of religion, communities, color of skin, we are all human. That humanity will make way for us, uniting us.”

The problem therefore is not creation’s or Life’s. It is arising from a fickle human interpretation of this lifetime that has been gifted to us. Instead of understanding why you__and I__have been created, we are interpreting it basis religion, race, color, brilliance, money, assets, class of travel and such. We are missing the opportunity to live__therefore! Let’s awaken from this deep slumber. Let us know who we truly are. All else will follow.

Understanding Purpose: an opportunity to create unique value in this ‘readymade’ lifetime

What is the Purpose of Life?

From a strictly biological and scientific point of view, it appears, that all Life exists to simply transfer information (genes) to the next generation. So, rationally speaking, the true Purpose of Life must be to perpetuate itself. As humans, we__you, me__are just a living organism that has a little more awareness than other living organisms. This is where, in my opinion, spirituality meets science.

I choose my words carefully: spirituality, and not religion, meets science. Now, if humans are endowed with a little more awareness, why is that so? Of what use can that awareness be? Truly, the awareness is visible, is evident, in the way the human brain develops and works, and has been evolving through the ages. But the truth also is that apart from transferring this evolutionary genetic code to the next generation, each human does not take away anything while leaving this planet. But delve deeper. Obviously creation has a design, a profound thought, which is why the human race is endowed with a greater awareness than all other Life on the planet. This awareness, when it awakens the human, and flowers within, is called spirituality. It is all about Self-Realization. When you realize your Self, you discover these simple truths: 1.Biologically, we will all grow older and eventually perish__albeit per different expiration dates! 2. Life’s repetitive cycles is just about transferring genes to each successive generation. 3. In the midst of such a pre-programmed Life, there’s still the possibility to individually make a difference. When you know how YOU can make that difference, you will have found your Purpose. When you are doing anything purposeful you will encounter joy, you will ‘feel’ the power of this ‘extra’, ‘higher’ awareness that we as humans possess.

Across the human race, just being kind, loving, compassionate and caring, can and always delivers this joy. So, that can be, and is, a common Purpose to all of us humans. But each of us also derives joy, feels blissful, doing somethings more than others. When we know what it is, which is when our awareness delivers laser-sharp clarity to us, we would have found the Purpose of our creation. This Purpose is beyond wants and desires, beyond wealth and assets, it is about serving, it is about giving up yourself, your profit and prestige, during this lifetime, to meet a higher end that delivers value to the following generations, to make this world a better place to live in, much after you are gone. To Gandhi it was equality and ahimsa, to Mother Teresa it was caring for the uncared, to Prof.Kachru, whose son Aman was ragged and murdered at a med school in Himachal Pradesh (North India), it is to eradicate ragging from the Indian University landscape, to Al Gore, former US Vice President, it is to awaken the world to the perils of global warming and so on.

Each human that pauses to reflect and gets beyond the insecurities and fears of everyday Life, infact anyone who takes a break from earning a living and even momentarily steps out of this rat race, will find Purpose. She or he will find that there is an opportunity to create unique value in this ‘readymade’ lifetime of ours. That’s when we will all know that we are not human beings going through temporary, feel good, spiritual experiences, but we really are spiritual beings going through temporary human experiences. And so, before this human experience ends, we must have touched a soul, provoked thought, inspired action, wiped a tear, loved, led, cared and made a difference.

You are an ‘avatar’ too … created with a specific Purpose!

The key to intelligent living is to look within and find your Life’s Purpose manifest itself in front of you!

Here, take a break. And think about this calmly. There obviously is a reason why you and I have been created as human beings. Else, we could have been created as the swine that spreads the flu. Why be created as the human who gets that dreaded flu? So, let’s stop cribbing and instead celebrate being human. 

The problem with most of humankind is that we lament being human. We say, justifying our limitations and frailties, 'After all, I am human'. When we look at our creation from that perspective, we miss seeing the limitless power and potential within us. We are so overwhelmed by stories from history that we fail to see our true Self. We have grown up imagining that we are lesser mortals. For instance, when Krishna was born, so we are told, the prison gates opened and the serpent sheltered the baby as the father crossed the overflowing river in pouring rain. When Jesus was born, again as we have been told, the three Kings were guided by a star in the sky. When Nanak was born, I remember reading this in an Amar Chitra Katha edition, those visiting the child found a halo around the baby's head. But who recorded what they saw when you and I were born? Who tells the stories of our birth? Therein lies the reason as to why we don't recognize who we are and what we are truly capable of.

Know that if Mother Teresa's Life had a Purpose, if Swami Vivekananda's Life had a Purpose, if the Prophet's Life had a Purpose, so do our lives__your’s and mine. Swami Sathya Sai Baba says it beautifully,"The difference between you and me is that I know that I am God. And you don't know, or you refuse to accept, that you are God!" We will start living intelligently when we know that each of us has been created as a human with a specific Purpose. We are 'avatars' too....or 'messiahs', if you like.

Simply put, your Life’s Purpose will manifest itself in front of you when you stop searching for God outside of you. Being human is to know that the Godlight is within you. When you find it within, you too will 'awaken' to a lifetime of loving, serving and living!

Servant-mindedness makes living beautiful!

Self-Awareness, understanding the true nature and purpose of your creation, is not just a spiritual pursuit, it is a key ingredient for intelligent, daily living.

And Self-Awareness is not something that you acquire by abstinence. It is something that you attain by refusing to get tempted by Life’s myriad choices __ some of them ruinous, others plain distractions. Self-Awareness begins by just being aware. Of your breathing. Of the smallest detail in your surroundings. Of every nuance of your everyday Life. It is about learning to smile at yourself in the mirror as you brush every morning. It is about savoring every morsel of your breakfast. It is about noticing the color of the sky as you commute to work. It is about greeting a stranger with a smile today. It is about remembering what time your kids will get back home from school. It is about thanking Life for another day before retiring. These are just a sampling of everyday moments __ that all of us uniformly go through __ and yet don’t remember having gone through. Awareness begins with remembering these daily. That is when you start appreciating the beauty and equality in all creation.

You will then realize that you are better endowed by Life’s blessings __ a better education, a better income and a better intelligence. The reality is that most of the time, you are unaware of your blessings and, besides, even if you are aware, you don’t use them for the welfare of others almost all the time. When you awaken, when you reach this stage of awareness of your true Self, you will find greater meaning to your everyday actions. Your Self-Awareness will lead you to understanding why you are here, on the planet, in the first place! You will then either stop doing all things that benefit only you or you will begin to take an active interest in serving others.

When you lead Life with such clarity, such servant-mindedness, you will find that every day is beautiful. You will then stop cribbing and start living! 

The essence of living Intelligently

Intelligent Living has only two tenets. 1. Just be. 2. While just being, be at it.

Arriving at this state of awareness does not take time or practice, it only takes a moment of awakening. When you let Life take you on its own course, you just be, you don't resist, you don't fight, you don't agonize and so you are peaceful and often in bliss. But letting Life flow at its own terms__no matter what you think or do, Life has an independent mind and operates on its own terms__does not mean stopping to do what you must do. This is the action that the Bhagavad Gita talks about, this is the duty, this is the Purpose that creation has intended for us. When you are not aware or 'awake', you try multiple things, you try to control, you fight and you worry. When the awakening moment happens, when your Purpose finds you, you find meaning in doing what you must do.

Now, this is not complicated. A Zen story here explains how simple understanding your Life’s Purpose really can be.

A disciple spoke to his Master as he was sitting down to meditate.

“Master, what is my Purpose in Life? I have heard you speak so much about our being purpose-driven to accomplish things in our Life, yet when I try to grasp what it is that I myself am meant to be doing, I am unable to arrive at my Purpose in my mind.”

The Master replied: “My dear young man, our Purpose in Life is as individual as the fingerprints on our palms. So what it is for you I cannot tell you. However, I can tell you that  knowing what your Purpose in this Life is important. My experience has taught me that you cannot find Purpose in your mind. You will only find it through your heart.”

He then added, “My son, I have a question for you. If you knew, right now, that you were going to die tomorrow, what would you most regret that you had not accomplished?”

“Well, Master,’ said the disciple, “I would certainly rue the fact that I had not learned how to become a Master like you. I would also very much regret not being reconciled with my family for we have seen much acrimony over these past years. Then, I will feel sorry for the fact that I have not realized my dream of building my own monastery.”

“Well,” said the Master, “it sure looks like you have identified the essential ingredients of your Life’s Purpose, it is now for you to go to work to make these things come alive and become your reality.”

It really is that simple. When you arrive at this moment of clarity, you awaken. You start living and don’t just exist! In getting to that moment of awakening is where most of mankind fails to employ the intelligence it is endowed with. You see this intelligence demonstrated ever so often: in a smart business deal, in an invention, in just the way you convince an airline agent to confirm a waitlisted booking, in arguing a point, in making important investment decisions. And yet, in the most critical aspect of your journey through this planet, you miss the opportunity to employ your intelligence. That awakening moment can even be now, if you accept in all humility that there must be a reason for your creation (your raison d'etre) and if you seek Life to unveil it to you. The key is to be humble. That's what takes, at times, even a lifetime!

Come Alive. Stay Alive. Be Purposeful!

If you do something that makes you come alive, every single day, your purpose will soon find you. And when it does, Life becomes meaningful!

Preethi Sukumaran and Srinivas Krishnaswamy
Pic Source: Internet

I learned a lot listening to a wonderful young lady, Preethi Sukumaran, co-founder of the “sustainable goodies” venture, Kyra (www.krya.in), yesterday. Preethi and her husband, Srinivas Krishnaswamy, founded Krya in May 2010 with the idea of creating the best plant-based products for helping urban folks, like you and me, make an easy transition to a more sustainable Life. So, the entire  Krya “sustainable goodies” range today, which includes a popular detergent and dish-wash, is made on five principles – it is recyclable or re-useable, it has a minimum ecological footprint, it is made only from natural ingredients, it is entirely vegan and it is easy to adopt and embrace. What drove Preethi and Srini, who had spent the first 15 years of their careers with MNCs, leading popular global brands, to embark on this “creative partnership” called Krya is, as Preethi shared, this: “We wanted to leave the planet a better place.” So, apart from being cruelty-free (very unlike many leading brands in the detergents and personal care space) and staunchly vegan, the Krya team thinks about each product from the sourcing to the manufacture to the disposal stage – incorporating sustainability into every part of its lifecycle. Preethi is, as she confesses, fanatical about this focus. She envisions that Kyra will soon be an institution that champions sustainability and leads by example – living on even after both of them, the founders, are gone!

Running an enterprise with that kind of monomaniacal focus – “where you are clear and principled about what you will never do” – is not easy. For one, scalability is an issue. Second, consumer preferences, which are currently steeped in self-gratification and are not necessarily sustainability-driven, are unlikely to change significantly even in the next 50 years – at least not in the lifetime of pioneers like Preethi and Srini. Third, should sluggish market trends impact profitability in any manner, then sustaining the business venture itself becomes a challenge. But people who come “alive” in every moment that they are living, are ready to face whatever comes in their way! That’s because their “purpose” has found them. Jim Collins, the management guru, and author of Good to Great and Built to Last, theorized (through research spread over 25 years) that organizations (led by people) with a core purpose – which is the reason why they are in business apart from making money – were far more likely to survive in the long run, despite market upheavals. These are the ones that will go on to become institutions, Collins has postulated.

Similarly, individuals too, who are driven by a sense of purpose – a deeper reason for being – do end up leaving behind a lasting legacy. Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela are classic examples of people who led a Life of meaning, because their purpose had found them. And that’s the other point. Your purpose will always find you if you are open to and are aware of the idea that there’s a larger reason why you have been created. That your Life has a meaning – which goes beyond meeting your selfish desires and your obsession to provide for yourself and your family alone. When you start asking how you can be useful – than be merely successful – then you are, in every sense, purpose-ready. Of course, when you choose to do something that makes you come alive every day, then your purpose will surely find you.

Preethi’s and Srini’s journey, and the Krya story, reminds me of the value that being purposeful creates. It drives you to make each day count even when you are faced with a zillion challenges. It makes you come alive and stay alive! As Howard Thurman, (1899~1981), the African-American author and philosopher has said: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

So, when are you coming alive?