Parimala and the art of humility

The best way to live is to live humbly, being who you are and enjoying who you are!

Parimala Srinivasan

I read a story in today’s Hindu, on someone we knew closely, Parimala Srinivasan, who had passed away, at 81, earlier this week. Chennai historian and columnist V.Sriram has penned the beautiful tribute to Parimala, who he calls “an ardent aficionado” of Carnatic Music. While my wife and I have known Parimala for 20 years now, Sriram’s piece surprised us – we discovered so many unique aspects about her Life that we ended up wondering if we at all knew the “real” Parimala. To us Parimala was the simple, doting mother and grandmother with the ever-benign smile. She was the epitome of warmth, compassion and enthusiasm. The only line in Sriram’s piece I could relate to instantaneously, for instance, is this: “To her, Life was an extraordinary celebration.” Until I read Sriram’s piece this morning, I didn’t know that Parimala was taught music by the legendary Ariyakudi Ramanuja Iyengar; I didn’t know that the other maestro of Carnatic music G.N.Balasubramaniam was her mentor and guide; I didn’t know that ace violinist T.N.Krishnan was more than just a musician-friend – he called himself her family member; I did not know that she held a record for attending concerts as a rasika for over 58 years at the Music Academy during the annual Madras Marghazi season; and I didn’t know that she ran an all-women sabha called Raga Tharangini for over 40 years. How would I know all this about Parimala unless she told us any of this? The truth is, she never spoke about herself. She was always in awe and admiration of people, Life and events around her. And so this is my key takeaway from this wonderful lady’s Life – stay humble and simply enjoy who you are!

I come from a family where bragging over hollow achievements is a favorite pastime. In fact my awakening to remain modest was spurred my utter distaste for some of family members’ tendency to insensitively blow their own trumpets. So, when I discover now that the lady we were so close to, was not just a doyen among Carnatic music rasikas, but was a celebrity in her own right, I feel so blessed. I remember the day, two Decembers ago, when I delivered my “Fall Like A Rose Petal” Talk (based, like my Book of the same name, on the lessons that my wife and I learned from a Life-changing experience – a bankruptcy!) Parimala was in the audience that evening. When I finished my Talk, she called out to me and my wife. She held our hands and said, “The greatest joy in Life is to be able to live and face it together. You both are blessed to have each other. You will overcome your problems and come out of this crisis soon.”  She had tears of love in her eyes as she touched our heads in a blessing.    

To stay humble is an art. Because even if you want to stay humble, your mind will push you to believe that you are causing all your achievements. Only a truly evolved person can, craftily, dismiss the mind’s seemingly well-reasoned claims and simply be. Simply being means to continuously look at Life with amazement and wonder. It means to know that whatever good is happening to you, whoever is praising you, whoever is flocking to you – everything and everyone is transient. (To be sure, the opposite is also true – and is transient again.) Simply being means choosing to be unmoved by Life’s colors and flavors. Parimala, to me, personified humility – a trait that all of us can aspire for, and someday soon, with inspiration and blessings from her, possess.

Life is a lot about being patient with what you want

Achieving whatever you set your sights on takes time. The key to achievement, above all else, is patience.  

Sandeep Narayan
Picture Courtesy: The Hindu/Internet

Yesterday we were at a Madras Week event where famed film critic and senior journalist Baradwaj Rangan was in conversation with Carnatic vocalist Sandeep Narayan, a disciple of renowned singer Sanjay Subrahmanyan. Sandeep was born in the US. He lived and grew up in Los Angeles for much of his Life until 1996, when he visited Chennai at the age of 11 to “touch and feel” the “world of Carnatic music at its Mecca”.  Ever since, Sandeep was drawn to Chennai and kept visiting here in summers and winters (for the famous Madras Music season). He completed his undergrad law degree in 2006 in the US and has since made Chennai his home. Evidently, Sandeep’s Life journey has been unique – most people from Chennai move westward after their undergrad programs. But here is someone who was drawn to Chennai, and to Carnatic music, from the West. Obviously, he faced huge cultural barriers and challenges. For one, most sabhas and people who mattered in the Carnatic music circuit treated him as an NRI – although he has been living here from 2006. His strong American accent while speaking English did not help much. Then breaking through the politics that governs the Carnatic music scene has been difficult – and often times depressing, especially because Sandeep chose not to do “his PR” with the sabhas or play “politics”. “I just didn’t fit in doing those things,” he confessed. This really meant that there would be long spells – often months – when he would not get concerts to sing. But he was patient. He kept practising and kept attending every concert possible – to learn as much as he could. Then, slowly, people started offering him concerts. And now, in the last few years, he’s among the more sought after Carnatic musicians.

Someone in the audience, empathizing with the challenges Sandeep had to face, asked him if he had a method to deal with his “lows”: “How did you handle those painful phases when you had no concerts and people were not willing to give you a chance?”

Sandeep replied: “I just kept believing in myself and my music. Thankfully I didn’t go into depression. But there were undoubtedly several lows amidst a lot of pain. But I kept practising and kept listening to music. I had decided that this, Carnatic music, is my Life. And I am not going to make compromises with it. Now, I can surely say that there are highs, some very high highs, and there are not too many lows, and never the deep lows. I guess being patient with what you want helps.”

I thought that was a very simple yet profound answer.

At this point popular television and film actor, Mohan Raman, piped in from the audience to say: “I have been around for 25 years in my industry and I have learnt to deal with the unpredictable nature of securing projects by simply being happy with whatever I get!” Mohan is a wonderful artiste and has done several celebrated roles in Tamil cinema. Even so, his ability to accept whatever comes his way, offers a teachable perspective for us to learn from.

Marrying both points of view – Sandeep’s and Mohan’s – I believe the best way to approach Life – and your business or career goals – is to keep doing your best and never get influenced by the outcomes. Life is a lot about being patient with what you want. I liked Sandeep’s attitude to invest the time he spent waiting for a break to practise being a better musician. And I like Mohan’s point that we must learn to be happy with what we get. Interestingly, when you are patient, you are actually demonstrating how much conviction you have in yourself and in all that you are pursuing. Most people want results instantly and get frustrated when things don’t work out despite their best efforts. This is where depression sets in and suffering takes over. Never let your frustration drive you. Be driven surely – but by your passion and your vision for yourself. When you are sure of the direction you have chosen in your Life and are patient – and happy – on the road, somewhere along the way, you do arrive at the destination that you were always destined to arrive at!