The best way to have wonderful relationships is to do two
things: never expect anything from it or from the other person and always
respect the other person’s choice.
When we
expect someone to be what we want them to be, we are not respecting the person
as a special, unique individual. Where expectation comes, respect goes out, and
agony comes in! Much of the problem in marital or personal relationships is
because there is an expectation of faithfulness. While it is important that
deceit or cheating must be avoided in any relationship – so honest, open
conversations are always the best way forward in such situations – the nature
of the expectation of faithfulness is an indicator that we have stopped
respecting the other person. To be faithful cannot mean living someone else's
Life. Or you cannot insist that someone live their Life as you want them to for
you to be able to call them faithful. To be faithful means to be true to
yourself, first doing what you want to do as long as it will not harm anyone
else. When all people in a relationship are true to themselves, and don't harm
each other, a harmonious environment is born that respects each individual in
it. That's when relationships become meaningful and stand the test of time.
Osho,
the Master, argues this perspective immensely well: "Who are you to demand
faith from anyone else? Demanding faith is like demanding slavery. There's a
misconception in people that love must be permanent. Only stones are permanent.
To ask for faith is wrong. There was a season__the spring, the faith, the love
arose in you. You did not create it. It was just a happening. Just like a
breeze it comes and just like a breeze it goes. When it comes, rejoice. And
when it goes, say good-bye. Millions of couples in the world know there's no
love between them anymore. But for the sake of society, reputation, for
respectability, they go on pretending they love each other. This pretension is
the real sin, the real crime."
This is
not to conclude however that love cannot be eternal between people. It can, as long as there is respect for the other person and there
are no expectations, while being true to yourself first in the relationship.
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