When you flow with Life, you will find peace and joy ‘in’ you

Learn to flow with Life.

Life is like a river. It has a mind of its own. It does not worry about precipice or a fall, nor is it perturbed by the boulders on the path. A crevice is all it needs, to make progress and find its way. The best we can do, as people who have been created without our asking to be born, is to enjoy the scenery as Life flows. When we don't like what we see or experience, we can rave, rant, kick our feet, bury our heads in despair, but Life goes on – the way it wants to, not the way we wish it would! Such is the nature of Life. The only sensible option is to learn to appreciate the reality, accept it and to live with it.

Living is important. When you worry, you stop living. Even those who choose to go to mind-body-soul rejuvenation programs, are worrying. They are worrying about how the world will cope without them. They worry about their ability to 'endure' and 'survive' the program. Look at those words__endure and survive__they too are reflective of an inherent concern. So, when you worry, you have lost yet another moment of peace that was possible. And you begin to hunt for places where you will be peaceful. Temples, churches, mosques, gurudwaras, synagogues...a bar for some perhaps, a joint for others…you are forever seeking a place where you will find peace and joy! The best-kept secret is that when you start living, you will find these in you! The fifteenth century weaver, mystic and Master, Kabir (1440 ~ 1518) says it perfectly: "Do not go to the garden of flowers! O Friend! go not there; In your body is the garden of flowers. Take your seat on the thousand petals of the lotus, and there gaze on the Infinite Beauty."

Flow with Life. And you will find peace and joy overflowing from within you!

Rivers teach you the art of flowing with Life

Flow like a river and you will live fully!

A river never protests. It just flows. It doesn’t stagnate. Even a crevice in a rock is a blessing for it to find its own, new way. A river starts small, humbly. It takes its transformation occasionally to leaping rapids and big waterfalls in its stride even as it embraces long periods of gentle, quiet flowing. At times, it waits for hollows to fill before resuming to flow. A river never stops flowing. Most importantly, a river doesn’t flow past the same place twice.

Your Life is pretty much the same. You never live any moment twice. And there are huge falls and peaceful periods in your Life too. And sometimes you may be stuck in Life’s hollow phases and you have to wait, with faith and patience, for the time and tide to change. But the critical difference between the river and you is that you resist the way things happen to you, in your Life. Anything you resist will become a burden, will persist. And that’s the tragedy of our stories. Instead of resistance, if we can have acceptance, and just flow with Life, whichever way it takes us or shows us, we will live in peace. And bliss. 

Stop coming in your own way

Life's at work on you continuously.

Life's like an artisan-sculptor-miner who's chipping away, digging, at times even polishing, to get you to the gold__to get you to the real you. Every event, opportunity or ordeal is Life's way to purify you so that the real you emerges: cleansed and resplendent. So submit yourself to Life. And yes, one more thing: just make sure you don't come in your own way!

We view Life's myriad challenges as part of a grand conspiracy to suppress or annihilate us. Relax: this ain't any conspiracy! On the other hand, Life has a grand design for each of us. It is Life's responsibility to ensure we know ourselves and see ourselves as who we truly are. Though all of us are born pure, over several years of conditioning, we have acquired a different hue. We can't even recognize ourselves. Our insecurities, our anxieties, our greed, have made us cold, bitter and lusterless. Our simple nature has been overshadowed by a complex craving to be noticed and understood, our intrinsic selflessness has been held hostage by me-first-ism, our fears suppress our faith and jealousy prevents us from letting others win.

 

We must recognize and accept the truth that we are not in control here. No, not in this lifetime. We are like passengers on a plane: we have to fasten our seat belts, sit back and either enjoy or endure the ride. At times it will be calm, sometimes fun; at some other times there could be turbulence and the journey could be scary. To enjoy or endure a plane ride is a personal choice. But instead of trying to take charge, don't we always simply let the pilot to do her job and land us safely? Do the same with Life too. Stop coming in your own way. Stop resisting every move of Life. Simply surrender and go with the flow!

When you don’t know what to do, simply surrender to Life!

Life is a great leveller.

Whether you like it or not, whether you ask for it or not, at some time or the other, in some unique, unfathomable way, Life will bring you to a state when you will awaken to the truth that your Life is not in your control. At such times, the best response is to simply surrender to Life. Let whatever must happen, happen. Because, whatever is to happen will anyway happen!

But the normal human response is anger, frustration, depression, fear, insecurity, anxiety, worry and grief. There’s no point suppressing these feelings. They will naturally arise in you. Allow those feelings to come. Feel each of them and ask yourself if they can help you deal with your Life situation any better. If they can, persist with them. Let’s say, someone’s dying of cancer. How can any of these feelings help cure the cancer? Or prevent that person from dying? Or let’s say you have been let down in a relationship. How can these feelings help you cope any better? When you sit calmly and analyze your Life situation – any situation which cannot be solved at a human level; and there are many of them – you will understand that going with Life’s flow, and the grand Cosmic Design, the Master Plan, is the only intelligent option you have. So, logically, there’s no point persisting with these debilitating emotions. Surrendering to Life really means dropping these feelings and being free!

There’s a forgettable Tamizh movie called Azhagiya Tamizh Magan (2007, Bharathan, Vijay) that has a great song (with some awful picturization though!) composed by A.R.Rahman in it. The song celebrates the Creator – to me, Life, the Higher Energy – and goes, “Ella Pughazyum Oruvan Oruvannuke, Nee Nadhi Poley Odikonduirru…”. It means, “All glory is to the Only One, you keep flowing like a river…” The essence of this song has resonated with me every time that I have heard it. I have come to believe that not knowing what to do in Life is an opportunity to understand, appreciate and live Life better. It is a humbling experience. Our education and intellect make us believe that we are in control, that we are achieving this and that, we are creating assets and raising families, that we have everything planned out and mapped out in our lives. But when a Life situation strikes, and pushes you into a corner, you realize that you were never in control then – or now. It is only through this awakening that you understand the value of surrendering to Life and going with its flow.

So, if you are in a place in Life when you don’t know what to do about someone or some situation, go with wherever your Life is taking you. Don’t resist. Don’t fear. Don’t agonize. Perhaps, that’s where you eventually need to be and that’s where you will be peaceful and happy!  

Go with the flow of Life!

Learn to live with what is, in the now. This is Life. And the only one which you have.

           

Sometimes, we have to live through periods of time that we intensely dislike. Things could be taking forever. Business may not be happening. Or a relationship may be heading nowhere. Or a health situation will be forcing you to be confined to bed. You may want Life to move faster in such situations. But Life has a mind and pace of its own. Eckhart Tolle, the German-Canadian spiritual teacher, in his awakening book, “The Power of Now” says, “Life is now. There was never a time when your Life was not now, nor will there ever be.”

In a Zen story, a man falls into a river, with violent rapids leading to a high and dangerous waterfall. People who were watching this accident felt the man would die. But miraculously the man came out alive and unharmed downstream, at the bottom of the falls. People rushed to him and asked him how he managed to survive. He replied: “I realized I had no choice. I adapted myself to the water and did not resist the force, the direction or the flow of the river. I plunged into the ferocious swirls, giving myself up to the river and came out gratefully whenever I was tossed up. This is how I survived.”

The river rapids accident is but a metaphor. It teaches you – and me – the need to go with the flow whenever Life changes gears, changes the scenery and changes your reality! There is no point in wishing that your Life is different from what it is. There is no point going back in time and wishing your Life could be rewound or relived. And yes there is no point hoping Life could move faster and get you out of your current situation. It is what it is. You either live now, with and in the present, or you never will!

If you can’t change someone, don’t grieve and suffer

If you can’t convince someone to change, accept the person for who he or she is, and do whatever you can best do in the circumstances. Important: Don’t complain, don’t grieve, don’t suffer!

My 59-year-old friend lost his alcoholic brother, who was three years younger to him, a couple of days ago. It was a traumatic end to a Life that had been consumed by the habit. Over the past month every organ in his body had failed and he had been held up by Life support systems. This brought an end to a 40-year-old saga in my friend’s Life. After the death of their parents, my friend had raised his brother, struggling hard to put him through school. But the lad did not take to academics. Instead he fell among wayward company and took to drinking and gambling. As the years passed, the brother’s habit and behavior caused my friend innumerable problems. Their family was forced to leave the neighborhood they lived in because of the younger fellow’s incessant drunken brawls. My friend, who is a very reputed photographer in Indian media circles, had to close down his studio because his brother would land up there at all times demanding money for his drink in front of clients – much to my friend’s embarrassment! Efforts were made several times by my friend to put his brother through de-addiction programs – but each attempt, while consuming precious cash, failed miserably. Over the last five years, the alcoholic brother’s hospitalization and associated medical costs led my friend to hawk every financial asset he had created painstakingly through his career. Family and friends had been advising my friend to legally separate from his brother and leave him to his fate. But my friend always explained it away saying: “I don’t want to flinch from my duty as a brother and as a human being. I know it is pointless to expect my brother to turn a new leaf or even be cured of his various bodily ailments. But I want to be able to care and tend to him.” All through the 22-odd years that I have known my friend, I have never heard him complain of his brother. Nor have I seen him grieve or suffer. He simply went about looking after his brother – dutifully, diligently. “When I saw his dead body in the hospital, I wept. Not because I couldn’t save him or transform him. But because he was no longer there for me to care for him,” said my friend, when I called to condole his brother’s passing away.

People may have their own views of how such a pointless, futile situation could have been handled differently. But, all the same, the learning from my friend’s experience is simple – yet profound. Which is to accept people for who they are, to do our best and to not complain or grieve or suffer.

People are people. They will do what pleases them or what they think is right. Each Life comes with a pre-ordained cosmic design. Until that design plays out completely that Life will go on. Sometimes, the best of advice from the most experienced people will not be heeded. In those times reason will cease to apply. People will drive themselves – and others – crazy, appearing to be on a suicidal mission. You will feel helpless when you are unable to wean them away from their self-destructive tendencies. Normally, in such situations, people in my friend’s shoes will tend to become bitter. They will complain. They will feel miserable about their helplessness. Or they may get agitated with the whole situation. Or even depressed. This applies not only to people but to Life situations as well. My friend’s attitude teaches us to simply flow with Life. Peacefully. Because what has to happen will happen. The only choice we have is to accept Life for what it is and to go on doing whatever we think is the best in any given situation!

Flow in acceptance

To accept Life for what it is does not mean inaction. It means deep, purposeful, insightful action.

Once you understand the transient, impermanent nature of everything, including this “given” Life of yours, you will realize that acting with acceptance is the only intelligent way to live this lifetime – fully, happily! When we are merely responding to Life’s various events, we are actually reacting. This reacting leaves us disturbed and often agonized. But when we are responding with insight, we are flowing with Life – while doing our best in whatever circumstance we find ourselves.

A farmer lived with his family in Jaffna, in northern Sri Lanka. Over the two decades of civil war and strife that his country, and particularly his village, witnessed, the farmer lost everything. He lost all his family members in the civil war. The Tamil guerrillas who controlled that part of the country usurped his farmland and converted it into a camp for recruiting innocent children and teenagers into their ranks. The farmer, obviously beaten and devastated by his losses and the violent environment that he was forced to live in, was advised by several people to run away, to escape to Tamil Nadu, or to seek refuge elsewhere. Those who advised him made good their escape from the village whenever an opportunity arose. But the farmer stayed on. One of his responsibilities was to clean a temple that had been built by his forefathers centuries ago. In every generation that preceded him, a member of his family had cleaned the temple, washed the deity and prepared the sanctum sanctorum for the village priest to come and perform the daily rituals. The farmer was the custodian for this task from his generation and he went about this diligently. 8 years ago, the village priest was killed in a cross-fire between the Sinhalese army and the Tamil guerrillas. Ever since, the farmer performed the daily rituals himself. Finally, when the guerrillas were overthrown a couple of years ago, a Buddhist reformist group arrived in the village to help rebuild it and to rehabilitate its residents.

The senior-most monk in group, when he heard of the farmer’s story from some of the other locals who too had survived the years of strife, asked the farmer: “How did you manage to bear all this loss and keep your focus on what you had to do? Were you never overcome by grief and anger? Did you not ask your God if what was happening to you was fair?”

The farmer replied: “Initially I did. I was unable to bear with the stark reality of the situation. Then I thought to myself that eventually I too had to die. It didn’t matter to me if I was to die of natural causes or fall victim to a bullet in a cross-fire. I decided the best way to live was to do what I could do within the circumstances. And that was to serve my village by taking care of the temple premises diligently, just as my forefathers had done for centuries. So, I stayed on accepting my Life for what it was – imagining each day would be my last one!”

No one can control Life. Life and death are two sides of the same coin. So, any attempt to control Life means to have the ability to control death. Which none of us can. So, instead of thinking of controlling Life, if we can flow in acceptance, we will have found the way to live in peace.

Flowing in acceptance means to surrender yourself to the cosmic design. So, surrender, and wear the Life it weaves for you on your sleeve! 

To tune into Life, simply move on!

No matter what, Life simply goes on!

Life is programmed to go on. Something terrible happens to you. You lose your job or a lot of money or someone you love. You are in shock. You are numbed. But Life goes on. You struggle for a while with your new reality. But over time – could be a few hours, months or even years – eventually, you find your rhythm back with Life. And you too move on – because there’s no other way forward!

To be sure, it’s perfectly alright to move on. Because that’s what Life is all about – it is like a river, never-stopping, ever flowing. You find yourself lost or searching for meaning or feel incomplete because you are held hostage by your mind. Here’s a little secret – you don’t need your mind to live! Seriously. When you are present in the moment, in the now, there is no mind involved. The human mind only thrives in the past – clinging on to memories – or in the future – going on worrying about things that really have not happened!

Understand that the mind and Life can never be in sync. They don’t tango at all. This explains why we all suffer when faced with pain or have to deal with uncomfortable situations in Life. Let’s say someone you love is dead. By the time you confirm the person’s death, a new moment has arrived. In that moment, there’s just you. Not that person. There’s nothing wrong with that moment per se. It is just a new reality that going forward in Life it is just you. So the moment, the new reality, is not capable of causing you any suffering. However, your mind is fully capable of causing you agony, distress, grief and suffering. It will go on reminding you that the person you love isn’t there. And through that incessant reminding you wallow in grief, wondering how beautiful Life would have been had this person not died at all. Or you may spend time worrying about how fearful the future looks without this person for company. The truth is that even your present is beautiful and so may be your future – surely, you can never say it will be otherwise because it has not even arrived! When you recognize that it is always your mind working up your grief or drumming up your fears, you learn to appreciate the present and to actually move on!

To live Life fully, you have to learn to stop getting stuck with the past or fear the future – essentially stop allowing the mind to lead you – and simply flow with Life, moving on from one new moment to another! When you are not controlled by your mind, when you are present in the moment, you are in tune with Life. Then you see the magic and beauty in every moment. And you experience bliss!

Allow yourself to be shaped by Life….!

Some years back, my good friend Rajmohan Pillai, seeing me in the throes of my Firm’s collapse and insolvency, gave me a profound piece of advice. He said: “Life will be full of problems. Don’t try to solve all your problems at the same time. Take each day as it comes and attempt solutions to the best of your ability. For the rest, just go with the flow.” When I first heard this advice, I was stumped by its simplicity. Is it that simple to deal with Life, I wondered. But, over these years, I have learned from experience that Rajmohan was on the ball. There indeed is no other way to live Life and to deal with the myriad situations that present themselves on a daily basis.

No one loves a problem. We all want to be problem-free. But that’s not how Life works. Life’s nature is to present you with a problem and get you to attempt solutions. In a way, Life’s playing with you and with each of us! As you progressively solve problems, newer ones will appear. And you will notice that the level of difficulty increases with each new problem __ pretty similar to the way our academic examinations are designed with an ascending level of difficulty through school and college. Now, there are some problems that you can solve. And there are those you can’t.. These ones, they sort themselves out over time. What’s interesting about the School of Life is that whether or not you solve problems, you will always learn. In a way, therefore, with each learning, you will continue to grow and evolve!

There’s a Taoist Zen story I remember reading: An old man accidentally fell into a river that had raging rapids leading to a high and dangerous waterfall. Onlookers feared for his Life. Miraculously, he came out alive and unharmed downstream – at the bottom of the falls. People asked him how he managed to survive. “I adjusted myself to the water and did not expect the water to accommodate and molly-cuddle me. Without thinking, I allowed myself to be shaped by it. Plunging into the swirl, I came out with the swirl. This is how I survived!”

Don’t always expect what you want to happen in Life. Know also that your Life will never be free of problems. But you can be free from them if you allow yourself to be shaped by Life. Be prepared to and learn to adjust to what’s happening to you. This is the only way to a lifetime of peace, learning and bliss!