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Monday, March 3, 2014

Not relating to someone is both natural and evolutionary

Someone asked me: “Does it seem possible that we stop relating to most people we know? The possibility makes one feel very guilty…”

I believe, as you evolve and grow in Life, it is indeed possible that you stop relating to people that you once used to relate to completely. But there’s no point in feeling guilty about this. It is simply the way of Life!

What must be understood is that just as Life keeps on changing, people too change. Not just in a physical sense, but attitudinally, culturally, spiritually. You have changed, I have changed, since we last took stock! As you grow richer with more years through this lifetime, your experiences make you different. Sometimes, they make you bitter. But more often than not, they make you better. Whether you get better or bitter with Life, and living, you evolve. Your outlook to Life changes. You see Life more clearly – and your view is shaped by your experiences. Over time, you understand people at a very basic level – not based on their social standing or their fame or their talent alone, but based on their motives and their values – which causes them to behave the way they do! Please know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this change in you. It is as natural a Life-engineered process as biological aging is. Why grieve then over something unavoidable and natural? Why feel guilty?

It is a lack of understanding and appreciation of this truism that wrecks many marriages and relationships. People who have troubled relationships actually have a serious problem with relating to the people in those relationships. Because they don’t realize this and don’t accept this lack of relating as a natural aspect of personal evolution, they struggle in those relationships. We tend to look at people who have had multiple relationships or marriages with a certain disdain. But if you consider why they chose to opt out of those relationships, you will realize that they are actually displaying a high level of maturity. They are accepting that they are not relating to their partners or associates and are choosing to move on. It is those who refuse to see or accept this reality of lack of relating who suffer.

Guilt is a very debilitating emotion. It is pointless to be guilty about anything. What is wrong if after knowing someone for many, many years, you come to realize that you don’t enjoy their companionship anymore? Why is it important to be “wedded” to relationships? Are you relating to someone that you are in a relationship with is a more important question to answer than how to save or protect or even nurture that relationship. If you are not relating anymore, why punish yourself and the other person by continuing to be together just to showcase the relationship between you both? The relationship is dead already. It doesn’t make any difference to the relationship whether or not you are there in it physically. Because you have long dropped out at an emotional, soul level.

Review your Life and your relationships seriously. Make intelligent choices on who you can relate to and who you can’t. You don’t have to necessarily announce a severance of the relationships that you don’t enjoy anymore, but you can decide not to engage in them going forward. And definitely not at the cost of your inner peace. So, stop clinging on to what isn’t there anymore. Drop your guilt. You will then be soaked in happiness!

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