When you face up to the realities in
Life, and accept your Life for what it is, you will always be happy.
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| Viv Richards, Neena Gupta and Masaba Gupta Picture Courtesy: Internet |
– “I was in Class VII when someone said to
me that you are a bastard. I didn't understand what it meant, but someone said
it means that you don't have a father and I said, 'Well, I have a father. It's
just that he is not around.' I am attached to my father, but it won't kill me
if he is not a part of milestones in my Life.” That’s phenomenal clarity of
thought for a 26-year-old. Masaba adds that because she has lived away from Vivian
for all these years, she does not see him in that light – as a father. “Over
the last 4~5 years, I visit him for a fortnight 3~4 times a year. We chat about
Life a lot and he has great lessons to give basis his experiences.”
Masaba’s spirit of acceptance, even as a
teenager when she ripped off the bastard label, is commendable. She teaches us
to understand that each of us has unique lives. It is only a social norm that
Life must conform to certain criteria – that parents must be married, that they
must live together and that the children must be raised by both of them. In
reality, Life conforms to no society and no norm. Things just happen to people.
From unplanned pregnancies to debilitating cancers.
Sometimes, relationships that are toasted
the world-over, in all societies, are dysfunctional for some people. My
chemistry with my mother, for instance, never works. The question between us is
no longer about why we don’t get along or whose attitude is causing more of
that poor chemistry. The point is simply that we don’t relate to each other as
mother and son. Only when I accepted this truth did I encounter inner peace. I
am still ‘counseled’ and ‘ridiculed’ by my family for being ‘stubborn’ and
‘egotistic’ on this matter. But I just let it be. I know how I have been
treated. And I feel most peaceful now when I have no expectations from that
relationship and, in fact, I don’t even think it exists for me. But that
doesn’t mean I have ill-feelings towards my mother. To be honest, I have no
feelings towards her. I am sure, though she may present a different view in
public, in private, she too has no feelings towards me – other than of a
borrower who still owes her money.
What I have learnt from Life is this:
Things are just the way they are meant to be. And if they are not the way you
want them to be, then they were not meant to be so. Simple!
Examine your relationships. Take stock of
your Life. Consider de-prioritizing or even dropping all relationships, no
matter how close they are biologically or socially, where you have stopped
relating to the other person. Stop doing, or at least move away from, all those
actions or situations when you feel miserable and suffer. When you do this, you
will experience a new, rare inner peace. If you like the way you are feeling,
do more of it. And do it consistently. Only when you accept
your Life for what it is can you be happy and peaceful. There are no two ways
about this!
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