Ignore people who have hurt
you and show no remorse. There’s no point in lamenting their behavior. Forgive
them if you can, and even if you can’t forgive or forget, simply move on…
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| Mukesh Singh Picture Courtesy: BBC World/Leslee Udwin/Internet |
I finally watched Leslee Udwin’s controversial –
and now banned – documentary India’s
Daughter that tells the horrific story of the gang rape (and subsequent
death) of 23-year-old Jyoti Singh on December 16, 2012. What struck me most was
the remorselessness of Mukesh Singh, one of the convicts on death row. He is
one of the six who is convicted of rape and murder – he has since appealed against
his conviction in the Supreme Court. He tells Udwin in the film: “When being raped, she shouldn’t fight back. She should just be
silent and allow the rape.” As he says this, Mukesh’s face is expressionless,
dead-pan and his tone is cold, showing no signs of either guilt or repentance.
Of course, there’s a huge debate going on out there whether it is right to
allow such an unrepentant and heinous view as Mukesh’s – which seeks to justify
violence against women – publicly or not. Each side of this debate has its own
argument. For now, the Indian government has banned the documentary. But my
personal opinion is that it ought not have been banned – people must know how people
who commit such crimes actually think. The film only portrays, brutally
honestly, the mind of a rapist and murderer.
But if you pause to reflect and consider
another perspective, Mukesh Singh is also a metaphor. He personifies anyone who
tries to justify their unjust actions. And there are several people like that
around us – in our families, among our friends, at our workplaces and in
public, in society. These are people who continue to do what they do, often at
the cost of other people’s rights, emotions and liberties, and, in almost as
cold-blooded a fashion as Mukesh does in Udwin’s film, they justify that their
actions are right. They believe vehemently that they did what they thought appeared
to be right to them. So, there’s no question of them feeling guilty or
repentant at all. And so they go on – often, mercilessly and remorselessly,
trampling on people, emotionally, and at times, even physically. Now, here’s a
view you may want to consider: what’s right and what’s wrong is always
subjective. What appears right to you may not be so to me. And what’s wrong to
me may appear right to you. Look at Mukesh – the way he looks at women is very
different from the way all of us look at them. But Mukesh couldn’t care less.
To him his view is the right one. So, he may as well go to the gallows, than
repent – let alone reform. So, people who cause pain and suffering to others do
so only because they firmly believe what they are doing is right. Period. No
amount of our efforts to make them see reason, or reform them, is bound to bear
fruit unless something within them changes; until their conscience awakens.
The tragic truth we must all live with is
that our society and our lives abound with people like Mukesh. The best way to
deal with them, if they are in your personal circle of influence, is to simply let
them be. Don’t try to educate them. No education will be possible until there
are both ready and willing to unlearn and learn. Don’t try to reform them. They
won’t awaken unless they realize the futility of the path they have chosen. Don’t
try to avenge them. This will only make you bitter – for they are likely to
fight you to the end. It is best to leave such people to a higher energy, to a cosmic
retribution, if you will. As for you, if you at all have one of these people in
your Life, well, simply forgive them if you can. And if
you can’t forgive or forget them, leave them alone and move on. This is the
only way to protect your inner peace.
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