Drop anger, grief and guilt to be free from suffering

Suffering comes from anger, grief and guilt. Drop these emotions and you will be free from suffering even if you are in intense pain.  

Yesterday, I addressed women belonging to an international association. I delivered my ‘Fall Like A Rose Petal’ Talk (also a book by me with the same name published by Westland last year). I shared our story of self-realization and awakening, of how my family and I found that it was possible to be happy despite our circumstances – a numbing bankruptcy which left us penniless. I confessed to how a series poor decisions I took with our consulting business had landed my family in abject penury. I narrated how, on one occasion, I could not even buy my daughter a text book, that cost Rs.450 (US $ 9.00), she needed at college. A lady in the audience, who was much more senior to me in age, asked me in utter disbelief: “Are you not feeling ashamed and guilty? Isn’t it your duty as a parent to be providing for your child? Aren’t you a loser?” I found her question most logical. Of course, this is how the mind – led by social expectations – classifies people and situations. If you have made mistakes and not fulfilled your moral and financial obligations you must be ashamed, you must feel guilty and you are indeed a loser. Having said that, I shared with the audience the burden that these three emotions – anger, grief and guilt – can bring you to bear. I said: “It is natural to feel angry and ask, in any context, why, why me and why me now? It is natural to feel anguish and grief over what has happened. It is natural to feel guilty over your actions, over what you may have done – or not done – to have brought you to a precipitous point in your Life. But of what use are these three emotions? While they may awaken you to an extent, while they may help you realize your mistake and learn from it, continuing to hold on to them can only lead to depression. And you cannot solve any problem while being depressed. In fact, depression will then be a new problem for you to deal with.” So I reiterated that I carried no guilt, I felt no grief and I was angry no more.

I am not sure the lady found my perspective convincing. The truth is Life’s learnings can be internalized more from experience than by logical reasoning. This is what I have learnt from Life. We all suffer when we find ourselves in situations we did not expect to see ourselves in. But what’s the point in hating a situation that you are in? Irrespective of whether you caused the situation or someone else did, the bottomline is that you have a situation. Being angry with it, feeling sorry over it and feeling guilty about your role in creating it, cannot make an unwelcome, awful situation go away. Always, accepting Life for what it is, accepting your current reality, internalizing what the experience has taught you, only that can help you stay free from suffering. When you are not suffering you can focus on finding solutions to the problems you face. These solutions may not always be instantly available, the problems themselves may not go away soon either, but your ability to hang in there, your ability to deal with a situation will be enhanced greatly when you are free from suffering.

There is no winning or losing, there is no success or failure, there are no winners and losers in Life. These are all labels that society pins on you. They mean nothing. If you pay heed to what society is telling you, you will either be struck by hubris (insolent pride) or you will be felled by depression. I have experienced both these states and I know how meaningless both of them are. The best state to be in in Life is to be in the now. Face the Life you have. Don’t get swayed by what’s happening around you. Stay anchored. Stay strong. Drop anger, grief and guilt to be free from all suffering!