Every beating heart has a story to tell

Know someone’s story before you comment on them. Better still, look at yourself in the mirror, and appraise yourself, before you pass judgment.

The gravest mistake that we make as human beings is to comment on other people’s lives without knowing their stories. Yet we do it so often. Because it is a free world. Free for interpretation. Free to comment. Free to opinionate. Free to pass judgment. So we all exercise that freedom with complete, often reckless, abandon. And with impunity.

Therefore, a person who has never paid taxes or voted or managed a team or led an organization, will gleefully opinionate on how the country’s Prime Minister must lead and govern. A wife beating husband will talk about morality and women’s rights. Someone who downloads and watches pirated movies online will support a questionable movement against corruption and champion honesty in public. A woman who has been through a divorce and living single will be seen as ‘available’. And someone following his bliss, and therefore standing his ground by not running the corporate rat race, will be seen as ‘wasting his youth and messing up his career’. Each of us is guilty of this crime. I too have committed it in the past. We see someone drive up in a big car, we say, “Filthy rich fella…” We see a man in rags on the street, we conclude, “Beggar.” We don’t pause to think. We don’t care__or even__want to know these people. We only want to presume and opine. And what about the people we know? We don’t want to trust them. So, if someone is saying or doing something we don’t like, we don’t want to know them better or understand them. We just want to opine again. Randomly.

Some years ago, owing to all the frequent travel that I has to undertake, I found myself being upgraded to business class, at the boarding gate, on a domestic flight by the airline’s loyalty program. It so happened that a friend that I had borrowed money from__those were the years early on in the bankruptcy of my Firm__also was on the same flight. And he was in economy class. My friend who was chatting me up prior to boarding refused to see eye to eye with me once we boarded. Upon arrival at our destination, he walked away pretending he didn’t see me. I sent him a text saying it was good seeing him. He didn’t reply. A few weeks later I received a lawyer’s notice saying my friend demanded that I pay back his money. The crux of the argument was that ‘if I had the money to spend on a business class ticket, I surely had the money to repay him’. I did not even engage a lawyer__I could not afford one__but replied to the notice saying a client had paid for my economy ticket and the upgrade had happened as a matter of rote and circumstance and not by my engineering or special design! My friend proceeded to sue me in a court. And I said the same thing in court as well, breaking down as I said it. The judge implored us both to settle the matter out of court. My friend was appalled. He met me outside and I pleaded for his understanding. I showed him documents that demonstrated how bad the business had gotten. And how we were even struggling for our living expenses. He listened to me patiently. He apologized for his conduct and walked away. Now, had he cared to understand me even when we were boarding the flight together, we wouldn’t have needed to be in a courtroom.

That episode has led me to transform and to resolve never to judge or comment on anybody. The learning is two-fold for all of us: 1. We all behave like my friend some time or the other. 2. We all must realize that we behave so because we don’t trust people around us. The only way we can and must live our lives is by never passing judgment or opinionating on someone or something unless we have to and only if we know the full story. We must learn to understand and appreciate people’s stories and predicaments first. Accept that people, despite what we see as apparent, can be going through a difficult or challenging phase in their lives. Love people for who they are rather than for what they should be or will be or were. Remember: every beating heart has a story to tell. Know that story before you shoot off your mouth! 

Choose forgiveness to be free

Forgiveness is the best form of offence. It frees you from suffering__caused by the pain inflicted by someone__and helps that someone reflect and repair from whatever they have done unto you. It’s a win-win.

Think deeply and you will agree with my perspective. Often times people hurt us with their actions, thoughts and utterances. They lie on us, they betray our trust in them, they speak ill behind our back, they take away what is rightfully ours and they leave us numbed. None of this feels good. The first, obvious, logical response, in all such situations, is to freak out, scream, kick, demand why, seek to know why were you betrayed…..and eventually, over a period of weeks, the angst morphs into a ‘certain coldness’ and eventually, you stop trusting people. While this may seem a normal and appropriate response in “self-defense” (so that you are not betrayed one more time), the flip side is it will leave you perpetually grieving. And how can you live fully, peacefully, if you are forever in a state of suffering?

Here’s a Zen story that will sensitize you to the perils of carrying the baggage of being ‘unforgiving’! Once there was a monk who asked his disciples to carve out names of the people they cannot forgive on potatoes, one potato for each name. Then the disciples were asked to put all their potatoes in a sack and carry it with them at all times for one week. The longer the time went by, the heavier the potatoes seemed to have become. To make the matter worse, those carved potatoes also started to rot and smell bad. It was such an unpleasant experience for the disciples. At the end of the week, the Master asked, "So, what did you learn?" At once the disciples told the Master that they now realized that holding on to grudges only brought negativity to them. Asked how they should go about correcting it, the youngsters said they should strive their best to forgive everyone that used to cross them and made them angry. The Master then asked, "What if someone crosses you again after you unload this present load of potatoes?" The disciples suddenly felt terrified at the thought of having to start all over again with new potatoes, week after week. "What can we do if there are still other people crossing us? We cannot control what other people do to us!" they confessed. At which point the Master replied, "So far we only discussed the conventional way to approach forgiveness, that is, to strive to forgive. Striving is difficult. In Zen, there is no striving." Seeing the disciples completely at a loss then, the Master further suggested, "If the negative feelings are the potatoes, what is the sack?" The disciples finally grasped it. "Ah, the sack is something that allows me to hold on to the negativity. It is my inflated sense of self-importance!" replied one of them. And that was the lesson of this story. Once we learn how to let go of the sack, whatever people say or do against us would no longer matter.

In Zen, forgiveness is the conscious decision to get rid of the sack/sense of self-importance altogether, not just the potatoes/negative feelings. With the understanding of Zen, Life suddenly becomes effortless, elegant, and natural. Get rid of the sack, and there will be no more rotten potatoes. Even if we, lesser mortals, as we may erroneously imagine, stop carving potatoes, it is a small, humble beginning. But those of us who believe in a strategic, planned, precise approach to Life, may want to consider forgiveness as a tool and not just a spiritual concept. Former American President Bill Clinton once shared what he learned from Nelson Mandela on forgiveness. In one meeting of the two men, Clinton asked, "I wonder what you must have felt towards your jailers when you were walking out of that prison after those 27 years. Weren't you angry at them?" "Yes, I was angry. And I was a little afraid," answered Mandela. "After all, I've not been free in so long." "But," he added, "when I felt that anger welling up inside me, I realized that if I continue to hate them after I got outside that gate, then they would still have me." With a smile, Mandela concluded, "I wanted to be free, so I let it go."

So, for the thinking, strategizing, master-craftsmen and wonderful upwardly-mobile wise women of the modern world, I would say, choose forgiveness to be liberated, to be free. Also consider forgiveness as a form of offence in today’s world. A peaceful resistance to the crude, unethical practices that attempt to derail you, your career and your Life. None of this is my original hypothesis, let me hasten to clarify. Here are the words of Christ found in his teaching in Matthew 5-38-48: “But I say to you , love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use and persecute you.” Loving someone who loves you is easy. Loving someone who hates you is difficult. So, whether it is a challenge like an exciting new electronic game (like Angry Birds!) or a form of offence or a tool to freedom, forgiveness makes imminent sense. Only, of course, if you want it to!

What a Sunday really means and is meant for

Pause. Reflect. Repair. Restart.

This is what a Sunday is supposed to be used for. This is the real meaning of Sunday. For most Christians, Sunday is observed as a day for worship of God and rest, due to the belief that it is Lord's Day, the day of Christ's resurrection. It perhaps derives from the Hebrew Sabbath or a Sabbath, which is again generally a weekly day of rest or time of worship. While Sunday is considered a day of rest in most Western and Eastern countries, in most Muslim countries and in Israel, Sunday is a working day. They take their Sabbath on Fridays. The important thing is not what day of the week, per the English weekly calendar, a Sabbath is taken. What is important is it is taken.

Do we take a Sabbath? Do we pause, reflect, repair and restart with fresh vigor? Or do we laze, drowse, feast and snooze on Sundays? Nothing wrong with the lazing and snoozing, except, when done mindfully, even that is a process of rejuvenation. But we are hardly mindful. True divinity, real repair of the soul, is experienced through mindfulness.

Here’s a story to illustrate this point. A priest went to Japan to study in a Zen monastery. He said that after sitting in meditation for long hours his legs would often begin to ache terribly. The Master advised him on the proper procedure and then asked what practice he was following in meditation. The priest explained that he was sitting silently in the presence of “God” without words or thoughts or images or ideas. The Master then asked if his God was everywhere. The priest nodded his head, "yes." He asked if he was wrapped around in God, and the answer again was yes. "Very good, very good," said the Master. "Continue this way. Just keep on. And eventually you will find that “God” will disappear and only you will remain." The priest was offended by this logic, for it sounded like a denial of his sacred beliefs. He contradicted the Master and said, "God will not disappear. But I might disappear and only God will be left." "Yes, yes," the Master agreed, smiling. "It's the same thing. That is what I mean."

Indeed. That’s what a true Sabbath really means. That’s what a Sunday is for. For you to discover the God in you. For you to pause, reflect, repair and restart. And not for you to bury yourself, wearily, warily and slothfully. It is a time and opportunity for intense mindfulness, for filling our souls with bliss, for recharging our batteries. When we do this, we will find the God within. As Kabir, the 15th Century weaver-poet, has so beautifully said. “Jaise Til Mein Tel Hai, Jyon Chakmak Mein Aag, Tera Sayeen Tujh Mein Hai, Tu Jaag Sake To Jaag”. [Just as seed contains the oil, fire's in flint stone. Your temple seats the Divine, realize if you can]”

So, use this Sunday intelligently for your Sabbath. Your temple seats the Divine. Invest this Sunday to realize your true Self__the Divine!

Accept your brutal reality – only then can you hope to change it.

However unpalatable the truth may be, once you accept it, you can work on changing it. This applies in all contexts to all of us.

Image Courtesy: Outlook Magazine Website

In a recent issue of Outlook, Tarun Tejpal, founder-editor of Tehelka and a former Managing Editor of Outlook, pays a beautiful tribute to his former boss Vinod Mehta who passed away earlier this month. Tejpal is facing charges of rape in a Goa court filed by a former colleague, a young lady who was also his daughter’s best friend. I have always been a great admirer of Tejpal the writer and the journalist. He was a senior colleague of mine when I was in India Today between 1990 and 1992. So, naturally, I was keen to read what he had to say about another man I greatly admired – who doesn’t? – Vinod Mehta. The tribute was vintage Tejpal – carefully chosen words to describe a man that few people can claim they knew personally and closely; each sentence painting a mental picture of the ‘last great editor’ in the reader’s mind. But what I liked most was Tejpal, with brutal honesty, referring to the six months he spent in prison (in Goa, on account of the rape charges levelled against him). He referred to his incarceration as he would refer to any other aspect of his Life – very matter of fact, ‘you-know-what…it-happened’ type. Now, given the salacious overtone that a rape charge invokes, it is possible that people may rush to conclude that Tejpal is brazen, that he is pig-headed and that he is being cold-blooded in his approach to his Life and the charges he faces. But I see in Tejpal the rare ability to confront and accept a brutal reality – that he is accused of rape; that he has to prove his innocence and until then public and popular sentiment will hold against him; yet his other Life – as a writer, a journalist, a family man, a father, son, husband and brother – must go on. What’s remarkable is that Tejpal, it appears to me, is both ready and willing to face Life squarely and deal with each aspect of it on the merit of the reality that lies in front of him!

To be sure, not many can do that. Most of us, when under pressure in Life, prefer to hide behind the shadows. We are either refusing to accept our realities or even if we accept them, we are unwilling to face people – and Life. When you don’t accept what is, and either keep justifying why things have happened the way they have or keep running away from facing the reality, you suffer. Tejpal teaches us that no matter what, Life has to be faced. In a way, your past actions do cause your realities. Or circumstances, events and people conspire to create them. But no matter how or why things happen to you, unless you accept what has happened as your current, final, non-negotiable, reality, you cannot hope to change it. What comes between you and acceptance is an imagined fear of social judgment, reprisal and ostracism. What- will-people-say almost always clouds the what-can-and-must-I-do-now thinking! The only way to deal with such fears and feelings is to know that no matter who created the mess, the one on whom the mess has arrived alone has to clear it up! And, without doubt, all change, all clearing up, begins with first accepting the mess for what it is.  

Don’t fall for the bait and get attached to outcomes – stay detached!

Stay detached from the outcome of your efforts and you will be at peace. Detachment really means to be unmoved in any situation – success or failure, victory or defeat.

Picture Courtesy: The New Indian Express/Internet

Team India’s Captain Cool, M.S.Dhoni, reminded us yesterday, yet again, why he is such a rare human being, player and leader. After India’s comprehensive defeat at the hands of the Aussies in Sydney in the 2015 ICC World Cup semi-final on Thursday night, Dhoni said: “Of course we are disappointed not to be in the final, but then only one team can win. Australia played better cricket today (Thursday). The Cup did not belong to us. We took it from someone and someone else will take it from us. If we had played better cricket on this particular day, we would have won." This is the simplest, most logical explanation anyone can give in any situation like the one India finds itself in – they played a great World Cup campaign, winning seven out of seven games until losing in the semi-final. Also, when you do badly and lose a game, there are only learnings, never justifications. And finally, staying detached – as Dhoni is and has always been – from the outcome is the best way to preserve and nurture your inner peace.

Indeed, like sports, Life too is competitive. But no matter how hard you work, and how ethical you are, there will be times when you will not get what you want or perhaps even deserve. And there will be other times when you will be successful. In either situation, stay detached. Remember this: Life happens through us, never because of us. So, when we succeed at what we are trying to achieve, stay unaffected by the accolades. And when you fail at something, or rather when someone else succeeds in your place, choose again to remain unruffled. In the game of Life, someone will necessarily have to win. And it need not always have to be you!

To be sure, however, on the spiritual plane, success and failure, victory and defeat, mean nothing. Everything is transient, everything is a mere experience, and if you pause to reflect deeply, everything is an impermanent illusionary experience! So, don’t fall for the bait and get attached to outcomes – stay detached. In any situation, you have only your efforts to focus on and count on. Here’s how you deal with your efforts:

-       Good efforts and you succeed at the task – take it easy

-       Poor efforts and you succeed at the task – take it easy

-       Good efforts and you fail at the task – take it easy

-       Poor efforts and you fail at the task – take it easy

Take it easy every which way. Learn every single time. Remember this too: as Dhoni recounted and the Bhagavad Gita says, “Nothing belongs to you. And nothing will be with you forever. What is yours belonged to someone else yesterday and will belong to yet another tomorrow!” So, stay detached. Stay in peace.

Focus on the issue, never on the person

Focus on the issue on hand. Never on the people connected with it or on the sentiments that they express.

Life’s full of challenges. Some of them involve the interactions we have with people. There are some whom we can never escape immediately. Like a short-tempered boss. Or a temperamental adolescent. Or a depressive spouse. Or an irritating neighbor. When we start wondering why is someone behaving in such a manner, we lose the plot__and therefore the opportunity to seek a resolution or find a win-win platform for both parties. Know that people are different. And it is in people’s nature to be the way they are. Each of us is created differently. And so is the person you are having a challenge interacting with. So, if you look at the person and grieve saying she or he does not meet your expectation, it is an exercise in futility. For example, if you expect your boss to be polite and dignified with you__when he is incapable of such niceties__you will suffer. Instead understand that the issue you have is with the way you are being treated. And if you don’t like it, you must find yourself a new boss! Meaning, a new job. Simple! Don’t grieve over the current one. Similarly, a teenager behaving irresponsibly at home is reflective of her adolescence and not a sign of any disrespect to you nor is this pointing to your failing in your duty to bring her up well.

There’s a saying in cricket: “Play the ball, not the bowler.” And we will all do well to remember this in all situations in Life. When we respect the issue, the situation, and give it all the attention it deserves, irrespective of who is causing it, we will always find solutions __ and peace!

Drop anger, grief and guilt to be free from suffering

Suffering comes from anger, grief and guilt. Drop these emotions and you will be free from suffering even if you are in intense pain.  

Yesterday, I addressed women belonging to an international association. I delivered my ‘Fall Like A Rose Petal’ Talk (also a book by me with the same name published by Westland last year). I shared our story of self-realization and awakening, of how my family and I found that it was possible to be happy despite our circumstances – a numbing bankruptcy which left us penniless. I confessed to how a series poor decisions I took with our consulting business had landed my family in abject penury. I narrated how, on one occasion, I could not even buy my daughter a text book, that cost Rs.450 (US $ 9.00), she needed at college. A lady in the audience, who was much more senior to me in age, asked me in utter disbelief: “Are you not feeling ashamed and guilty? Isn’t it your duty as a parent to be providing for your child? Aren’t you a loser?” I found her question most logical. Of course, this is how the mind – led by social expectations – classifies people and situations. If you have made mistakes and not fulfilled your moral and financial obligations you must be ashamed, you must feel guilty and you are indeed a loser. Having said that, I shared with the audience the burden that these three emotions – anger, grief and guilt – can bring you to bear. I said: “It is natural to feel angry and ask, in any context, why, why me and why me now? It is natural to feel anguish and grief over what has happened. It is natural to feel guilty over your actions, over what you may have done – or not done – to have brought you to a precipitous point in your Life. But of what use are these three emotions? While they may awaken you to an extent, while they may help you realize your mistake and learn from it, continuing to hold on to them can only lead to depression. And you cannot solve any problem while being depressed. In fact, depression will then be a new problem for you to deal with.” So I reiterated that I carried no guilt, I felt no grief and I was angry no more.

I am not sure the lady found my perspective convincing. The truth is Life’s learnings can be internalized more from experience than by logical reasoning. This is what I have learnt from Life. We all suffer when we find ourselves in situations we did not expect to see ourselves in. But what’s the point in hating a situation that you are in? Irrespective of whether you caused the situation or someone else did, the bottomline is that you have a situation. Being angry with it, feeling sorry over it and feeling guilty about your role in creating it, cannot make an unwelcome, awful situation go away. Always, accepting Life for what it is, accepting your current reality, internalizing what the experience has taught you, only that can help you stay free from suffering. When you are not suffering you can focus on finding solutions to the problems you face. These solutions may not always be instantly available, the problems themselves may not go away soon either, but your ability to hang in there, your ability to deal with a situation will be enhanced greatly when you are free from suffering.

There is no winning or losing, there is no success or failure, there are no winners and losers in Life. These are all labels that society pins on you. They mean nothing. If you pay heed to what society is telling you, you will either be struck by hubris (insolent pride) or you will be felled by depression. I have experienced both these states and I know how meaningless both of them are. The best state to be in in Life is to be in the now. Face the Life you have. Don’t get swayed by what’s happening around you. Stay anchored. Stay strong. Drop anger, grief and guilt to be free from all suffering! 

Grief comes from postponing to deal with an uncomfortable situation

Turn around and face the reality. Life is like darkness. The more you run away from it, the more it will haunt you. But you face it, and it will be bliss.

As kids we were all afraid of dark rooms. Or of stray dogs on the street (especially in India). As long as we feared the dark rooms, we were haunted by their mere thought. And as for the dogs, the moment we run from them, they start following us. Tormenting us. And if we were to just turn around, freeze and stare at them, they would whine and slink away. So, it is with Life’s realities. Often uncomfortable, disgusting and yet, hopelessly, real situations. Don’t hide from them. Face them. When you face up to a situation, it will stop haunting you. It will not change. But the fear will evaporate. And you will just be left with the reality.

Let’s say, you are extremely uncomfortable with the way someone is behaving with you. And for dignity’s sake, for retaining cordiality, you are not saying what you feel about this person to him or her. And prefer to grin and bear. Yet this is making you very sick of the person and of the situation. Over a period of time, discomfort has morphed into dread. This is when you must turn around and face things – and the person. Prefer always to be direct and therefore be understood than be dignified and be interpreted. It is like the age old saying: “I give credit, I go mad. I give no credit, you go mad. Better you go mad.” Similarly, your postponing dealing with an uncomfortable situation will make you grieve. But when you get it off your chest, when you say what you are feeling, you may cause the situation discomfort and may even cause the person who created the situation some discomfort, you will always lead everyone concerned to an eventual pedestal of peace and understanding. That’s where you__and your world__eventually need to arrive. In the end, what matters is peace. Just peace. 

Shake off the sheep’s cloak, go on…be a lion!

Understand yourself. That’s more important than having others understand you. Believe in yourself. That’s more productive than insisting that others believe you.

But as humans we do just the opposite. We crave for being understood by others and lament the lack of faith others have in us. What use is anyone else’s understanding if you don’t know, don’t realize, don’t accept that you are special. That you are capable. That you have been created to enjoy this lifetime and not suffer it? It is from awareness of your true Self that you will be introduced to the God within. Most of us just refuse to consider the argument that the energy that powers us, that keeps us alive, is the God we so desperately seek. Hence the lack of self-belief. Swami Vivekananda, the 19^th Century Indian thinker says, ““He is an atheist who does not believe in himself.” This really is the most profound, yet simplest, definition of who we are. And if we understand this reality, we will be able to truly leverage the opportunity in front of us__which is on offer in the form of this lifetime, each day, each hour, and in each moment!

Our perception of ourselves, reveals our lack of understanding of our true Self. If we think we are inadequate, we behave steeped in scarcity thinking. If we think we are fully endowed we behave confidently like kings, like lions. To be sure, each of us is created equal and is soaked in abundance. Osho, the Master, says in his book, ‘One Seed Makes The Whole Earth Green’, “And every one of you is born a lion, but society goes on conditioning you, programming your mind as a sheep. It gives you a personality, a cozy personality, nice, very convenient, very obedient. Society wants slaves, not people who are absolutely dedicated to freedom. Society wants slaves because all the vested interests want obedience. Society cannot tolerate individuality, because individuality will not follow like a sheep. Individuality has the quality of the lion; the lion moves alone. The sheep are always in the crowd, hoping that being in the crowd will feel cozy. Being in the crowd one feels more protected, secure. If somebody attacks, there is every possibility in a crowd to save yourself. But alone? - only the lions move alone.”

So, that’s what you are – a lion, but because you are cloaked in sheep’s clothing, we have started imagining that we are incapable of being successful, being happy, being free, being bliss! To discover your true Self, shake that cloak off. Realize yourself. Arise…Awake…Go on, be a lion….!   

You cannot rewind Life

If you want to understand the value of Life, spend an hour outside the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of a hospital. You will get it!

My father-in-law went into ICU a couple of days ago. Standing outside the ICU, waiting for our turn to visit him, my thoughts went to the other families who, like us, had gathered there to visit their dear ones. Everyone was prayerful, hopeful, worried and anxious – all at the same time. Once inside, when I saw my father-in-law, I once again realized how Life, over time, changes everything – and everyone. My father-in-law is the simplest soul you will find on the planet. A scholar, a teacher, an embodiment of ethics and discipline, a nature lover and a rock climber in his younger days. He had been “fit as a fiddle” (as he would often joke) until just a few years back. But yesterday, he was looking so frail and completely at the mercy of Life – he had suffered a mild stroke that has impaired his speech totally; so he was struggling to even communicate with us. When I came out of the ICU, I couldn’t miss the significance of my realization: “The human body cannot go on forever. Whoever you are, you will be physically felled one day. So, the best way to live is to live each day fully and humbly, doing what you believe in and while being compassionate to everyone around you.” My father-in-law has lived Life this way for all of his 84 years.

Most of us, unfortunately, miss this learning and so, fail to awaken to this realization. We go on wanting to control our lives and those of others around us. We are so full of ourselves – our opinions, our successes and our wants. Earlier this past week, I had a participant at a change-management workshop I was leading who was constantly disrupting the proceedings trying to flaunt her opinions and knowledge. She was continuously choosing to differ with my choice of words or with the examples I was using to explain concepts and ideas. For instance, when I was explaining Purpose (of creation) in the context of people and organizations, she kept arguing that the word ‘calling’ was better suited for individuals. “People have a calling, organizations have a Purpose,” she insisted. I told her that she had a point but since Purpose was universally accepted and chosen as a more powerful and “deeper” word to explain “reason for creation/existence – raison d’etre), we will stay with it. But the lady kept on harping on her point. Finally, in an attempt to invite the lady to have an “open” mind, I had to demonstrate the famous “tea cup” story from Zen Buddhism. Nan-in, a Japanese Master during the Meiji era (1868 ~ 1912), received a university professor who came to “learn” more about Zen – “I want to educate myself. I want to know more about this philosophy. Teach me what it is all about as quickly as you can, so that I can go back and demonstrate my new-found knowledge to all those who look up to me.” Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup to the brim, and then kept on pouring the tea. The professor watched the cup overflow until he could no longer restrain himself. “The cup, dear Master, is overfull. No more tea will go in!” Nan-in smiled. “Like this cup," Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions. How can I teach you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

Most of us are like the lady at my workshop and the professor in Nan-in’s story. The lady and the professor represent how full we can sometimes be; how our view of our inflated self-worth blinds us and how we fail to understand that be pompous about anything – wealth, health, knowledge, relationships, the body – is so much in vain. Ultimately, this most powerful vehicle that makes our human existence experience a lifetime – the body – will be felled with wear and tear. And without the vehicle being able, our journey here, on the planet, begins to sputter.

Some day soon, each of us will have to realize that Life is a limited period offer. That you cannot undo what you have done. You cannot go back to relive your Life. That you cannot rewind Life. So, if you really can’t control the withering away of your body, if you cannot control the progress of Life from birth to death, why are you imagining that you are in control? Why kid yourself that you call the shots in your Life? Why this ego, why this vanity, why this high-drama that you are superior to the others around you?

I walked back home from the hospital last evening deep in thought. I realized, yet again, that we did not ever control anything, we control nothing and can never hope to control anything in the future either. Everything that is, everything that we vainly believe is ours, will soon be felled, will wither away and will end – including this body and this lifetime. The only time you and I have to live is now. Live each moment, therefore, fully and happily. For the Life and the moment that has once been lived can never be rewound! 

Accept what is and you will be peaceful

Don't try to disturb or change what Life has provided for you.

And that may include how some people you know are behaving with you. There’s nothing wrong with them or with you. It is just the way Life has ordered (some people will like to believe it as ordained) it to be. There’s a natural order to the Universe. To the way people, situations, events and even objects are placed. Each of these arrangements is perfect in their own way and in the time that we may be experiencing them. To grieve about why things or people are the way they are is, at best, foolishness. So, if you seek peace and happiness, just accept what is and you will never have a problem.

A very wealthy man asked a Zen Master for a text which would always remind him how happy he was with his family. The Master took some parchment and, in beautiful calligraphy, wrote: “The father dies. The son dies. The grandson dies.” “What?” asked the furious rich man “I asked you for something to inspire me, some teaching which might be respectfully contemplated by future generations, and you give me something as depressing and gloomy as these words?” he thundered. “You asked me for something which would remind you of the happiness of living together with your family. If your son dies first, everyone will be devastated by the pain. If your grandson dies, it would be an unbearable experience. However, if your family disappears in the order which I placed on the paper, this is the natural course of Life. Thus, although we all endure moments of pain, the generations will continue, and your legacy will be long-lasting,"explained the wise Master.

So, the Master Plan of your Life__and mine__is beautifully crafted, engineered, if you like, to ensure that we live, learn and leave in peace. Only when we wish that the design, the Master Plan, be different from what it is now, do we suffer. So, let everything __ people, events, situations __ just be. In the order of the Master Plan, that has no flaws, you will find peace. 

Fear is a toothless opponent

Live without fear. It is fear that robs us of our ability to live freely.

We fear everything. Darkness. Loss of money. Death. Breakdown in relationships. Expectations not being met. Loss of face. Reputation. How can we claim to be alive when are operating under the influence of a debilitating, restricting force?

The best way to expunge fear is to ask yourself ‘what is the worst that can happen’ in any given situation and decide to face that moment. When you make that decision to confront a situation, when you walk up to it, fear will recede. Fear is actually a toothless opponent. Fear fears reality. And you, the real you, are the truth. But you think someone is more powerful than you. You think if you lose money you are finished. You think if you die, it’s all over. You think if a business contract does not come through you will be bankrupt. You think if someone says something about you in public, your reputation will be lost. But if you, in each of these situations, decide to not worry about the outcomes, will fear still torment you? Suppose you say, let the most powerful man on the planet come to you, and you will be unmoved, unfazed; what can happen to you? Maybe that man may come and kill you? Let him. Then where’s your fear? The truth is the man can kill your body, not you. Suppose you are willing to live a Life beyond and after losing all your money, what need you be afraid of? If something is hounding you, haunting you just now, be sure, be aware, that you are allowing it to do so. Your spouse is not an issue. But your thought of your spouse being unfaithful, your expectation of loyalty, your fear of being led up the garden path and being stranded alone, this is your problem. So, who should deal with this problem? You. And the best way to do it is to say, “So, what?” Say that and you are free no sooner than you have uttered those magical words. They are like a miracle mantra. Use them in any situation and you will be fearless.

Between you and fearlessness lies your awareness of your true Self. Fear has heaped layer after layer of deception and controls you this way. When you realize you are not your body, you are not your relationship, you are not your job, you are not your business, you are not your bank account, this awareness is liberating. Your true Self then emerges and fear, meekly, slinks away, drowned in the light of your awakening. 

Polepole through Life

In Swahili, polepole means slowly, gently, softly, quietly; be calm, take it quietly, don't excite yourself! It’s a good way to remember to slow down. Polepole!

To hurry through Life means to ruin your present while trying to get rid of a past that’s over and attain a future, whose form you really can’t predict. Slowing down does not mean you give up doing you many things that you have to do. It means to stay mindful, be present in whatever you are experiencing just now. The frenetic pace of today’s world is a make-believe. It is a deceitful way of kidding yourself. When you say you are too busy, when you say you have no time for yourself, when you say you are chasing your tail, it really means, you are giving excuses. The reality is that you are planning your day, your week and month badly. You are allowing other people and external factors to rule over your time. And that you are not in control of your schedules.

Polepole reminds us that sometimes, at least once every week, it is important to sit down, step back and try to understand why you are doing what you are doing. Ask yourself: 1. In doing this, are you likely to experience joy? 2. Is this part of your agenda for the day or week? 3. Is this an opportunity to add value to your Life’s goals? and 4. Is it a part of the Vision you have for yourself? You need to be answering ‘yes’ to all 4 questions. And only if all answers are ‘yes’ should you allow that intrusion into your schedule. Else, you must award that activity, task, meeting, conversation a fresh slot in a forthcoming period of time __ maybe, next week or even next month!

A lot of Life still happens unplanned. Say, a traffic jam, a heart attack, a sick child or a delayed flight. Obviously, you can’t control all of these events. But you can surely control what you allow on to your calendar, take on to your plate. And for that self-control to come in, make polepole your mantra. Slowly, slowly, journey through Life, enjoying each moment, each meeting, each drive, each meal. Bliss will follow!

Stop resisting and just slip in with Life, hand in glove with whatever is happening…

Live losing yourself to your world, to your Life as it is. Unite with the Life available to you just now. Be one with the Universe.

Most of us struggle through Life because we resist what is happening to us. Any resistance will bring pain. Total submission, total acceptance will make living simpler, easy and blissful. Life is like dance. In dance, the dancer is encouraged by the Master, the guru, to unite with the act of dancing. It is only through the unison of the dancer with the act that a work of art, of beauty, is visible to the world.

Osho, the Master, says this story about Gurudjieff (1877 ~ 1949), the Armenian spiritual teacher from the 20^th century, who taught that it was possible to transcend to a higher state of consciousness and achieve full human potential by working on oneself: “…For the (true) dancers, the dance continued inside, and the inside whirling circles became smaller and smaller until they became centered. One day it happened that they were coming just to the edge of the stage, dancing. It was expected, supposed, that Gurdjieff would stop them just before they danced down the stage onto the audience. A hundred dancers were just on the edge of the stage. One step more and they would all fall down into the hall. The whole hall was expecting that suddenly Gurdjieff would say stop, but he turned his back to light his cigar. He turned his back to the dancers to light his cigar, and the whole group of a hundred dancers fell down from the stage upon the floor – on a naked stone floor. The whole audience stood up. They were screaming, shouting, and they were thinking that many must have broken their bones – it was such a crash. But not a single one was hurt; not even a single bruise was there. They asked Gurdjieff what had happened. No one had been hurt, and the crash was such that it seemed impossible that people would not be hurt. The reason was only this: they were really not in their bodies at that moment. They were slowing down their inner circling. And when Gurdjieff saw that now they were completely oblivious of their bodies, he allowed them to fall down. If you are completely oblivious of your body, there is no resistance. A bone is broken because of resistance. If you are falling down, you resist: you go against the pull of gravity. That going against, that resistance, is the problem – not gravity. If you can fall down with gravity, if you can cooperate with it, then no possibility of being hurt will arise.”

Quite similarly, as in the Gurudjieff story that Osho has made immortal, if you flow with Life, you will be bliss yourself. There’s a need for you__and me__to discover our inner rhythm, for us to harmoniously unite with our inner selves; to be the Self, to be nothing but creation itself. And that can happen when you stop resisting and just slip in with Life, hand in glove with whatever is happening, living in acceptance, peace and inner harmony. Bliss then happens naturally!!!

PS: (Enjoy this beautiful song that captures the spirit of this Thought. Live losing yourself as the dancers in this video from Jodha Akbar, 2008, directed by Ashutosh Gowariker, starring Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai; music is by A.R.Rahman, who says he composed this tune in his sleep, while he dreamt of the Garib Nawaz of Ajmer!) 

"If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it, to whom does the gift belong?"

There’s no need to respond to every insult, every jibe at all.

In fact, there is no need to say something to counter whatever someone has said at all. However, if you think you are not evolved enough, and therefore are unable to be forgiving, the least you can do is to avoid responding, retaliating and getting even with everything that someone has to say. These conflicts happen endlessly, each day. Someone shows you his middle finger on the road. An impudent teen scowls at you because you questioned why she jumped the queue you were waiting in. A neighbor accuses you of violating their privacy last night because you had guests over and the music volume was higher than usual. An irate boss says you are not performing as well as you should be. Some of these events may have happened even though you did not contribute to or cause them. Which makes it often all the more difficult to handle. Your initial sense of shock fades into anger and you want to ‘get even’. And then one thing leads to another. Pretty soon, you are either sulking or fuming.

In the overall scheme of Life, such conflicts are simply not worth entering into and are not worth your time or attention! Here’s a Zen story that teaches us how to deal with such ignominious situations. There once lived a great warrior. Though quite old, he still was able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended far and wide throughout the land and many students gathered to study under him. One day a young warrior arrived at the village. He was determined to be the first man to defeat the great Master. Apart from his strength, he had an uncanny ability to spot and exploit any weakness in an opponent. He would wait for his opponent to make the first move, thus revealing a weakness, and then would strike with merciless force and lightning speed. No one had ever lasted with him in a match beyond the first move. Much against the advice of his concerned students, the old Master gladly accepted the young warrior's challenge. As the two squared off for battle, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. He threw dirt and spit in his face. For hours he verbally assaulted him with every curse and insult known to mankind. But the old warrior merely stood there motionless and calm. Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Knowing he was defeated, he left feeling shamed. Somewhat disappointed that he did not fight the insolent youth, the students gathered around the old Master and questioned him. "How could you endure such an indignity? How did you drive him away?" "If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it," the Master replied, "to whom does the gift belong?"

So, the simple takeaway is, don’t accept gifts__of insults and rebuke__that you don’t want! Just walk away….mindfully, peacefully….

Pain, and eventual death, are part of every Life’s design

Death is not an avoidable future. It is an inevitable end to this lifetime. The sooner we understand and internalize this truth, the more peaceful we will be.

A friend called me yesterday. He sounded distraught. His mother, he said, was suffering from stage 4 cancer of the liver. She was in her early 60s and my friend, it appeared, was grappling with what he believed were his family’s current and impending realities. He said he wanted to share how he felt and so sought my time for a call. I thanked him for finding me worthy of reaching out and sharing. I spent some time helping him understand how he could cope better in the circumstances.  

But, seriously, how do you deal with such a situation? It first begins with acceptance. That acceptance is not just about a physical state (such as stage 4 cancer in my friend’s case) but also about accepting an unalterable, inevitable reality of Life – that all our stories, our lives, will have to end someday. Death is not the opposite of Life. It is not against Life either. Death is an integral part of living – if you are born, and are alive, you will die one day. You will have to. There’s no escape. So, accept this non-negotiable aspect of Life. When you find yourself or someone you know in a situation where a health challenge is looming large, is threatening, give the situation a lot of positive energy. Give the person a lot of your care and compassion. Even if it is you who’s felled by a health issue, don’t brood. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t lament your “fate”. Just be in total acceptance of what is – perhaps the pain, perhaps the draining treatment process, perhaps the attendant financial costs – and live fully while being prepared for ‘any’ outcome. It is when you resist the situation – by asking why, why me, why me now – and wish that it go away, that you always suffer.

I am reminded of a story from Swami Ramakrishna Paramahamsa’s (1836 ~ 1886) Life. Towards the end, Paramahamsa was suffering from cancer. The disease was obviously causing him a lot of pain. But the doctors treating him were bewildered that he was always cheerful, as if he was not in any pain. So, one of the doctors asked him if he was not feeling the pain and if he was, how was it possible for him to be so cheerful? Paramahamsa is said to have replied: “I feel acute, intense pain. But my disease and I have learnt to peacefully coexist in my body.”

This attitude – of acceptance and detachment – is what each of us needs to cultivate in respect to Life. We must evolve to accept that death follows Life. And that the only way to live fully is to live knowing that death is round the corner. Also, the sooner realize that we cannot avoid pain, the better. Pain is inevitable. It is a part of Life’s design. We cannot avoid the pain that Life inflicts on us. Nor can we hope – or, in some cases, pray – that our near and dear ones (parents, children, siblings, spouses) are spared of pain. When we hope or wish that there be no pain, is when we suffer. So drop the suffering by dropping the wish that there be no pain. Each of our lives has a unique design. Pain and eventual death are part of that design. The factors that cause us pain may vary from person to person, but the way to deal with the pain is pretty similar. Just accept what is and know that the suffering is avoidable if you don’t question whatever’s happening – or whatever will eventually happen.  

Irrespective of the circumstance you are placed in, play on

Life is a great teacher. She will humble you till you learn your lessons. And then when you are humbled, she will enlighten you.

All of us live through our nightmares before we live our dreams. And if we are living our dreams, know that the peaks will give way to valleys, and then to abysses only to find that when we have hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up. Soon, we will reclaim our lost honor, succeed yet again with our craft and regain our glory __ only, the second time around, on the rebound, we are a lot more fulfilled, a lot less anxious and see each moment of Life, or what remains of this lifetime, as a blessing. This cycle of Life, with its inscrutable up and down patterns or down and up ways, plays itself out, time and again, from person to person, incessantly, ceaselessly.

One such co-voyager in Life, a genius in his own right, an emperor of his craft, is Tamil music composer Ilayaraja. During the 70s, 80s and well into the 90s, Ilayaraja, remained king. His was the music that mesmerized listeners and sold movies. For over a decade, well actually 15 years, no Tamil movie was released that did not have Illayaraja composing music. Such was his genius. Such was his command that he was unbeatable. Not that anyone even tried. And then came along A R Rahman, the prodigal genius, who with Roja, in 1992, swept the world away! His music was different and Ilayaraja’s hold on Tamil cinema was challenged deceptively. One tune at a time, one movie at a time. By 1997, Rahman had become staple in the entertainment business down south and Bollywood filmmakers too were counting on the Mozart of Madras (Rahman) to sell their films.

It was at this time that I met Ilayaraja at his home. A beautiful shrine-like place in T Nagar, in South Chennai, where music, moods, fragrances and floral patterns made the simple white walls and furniture in the house come alive almost surreally. Taking me to his studio on the first floor, Ilayaraja, playing a new tune he had just composed, asked me, “What do you think of it?” And I remember replying: “It’s out of this world.” “What to do,” bemoaned the genius, much to my shock, “the world does not recognize my worth anymore. Everyone wants the new kid, who learnt at my feet and today challenges me.” I was surprised. In fact horrified. I felt Ilayaraja must be proud, not jealous, of his protégé. I felt that the greatest compliment a ‘guru’ can get is when a ‘shishya’ (disciple) outsmarts him at his own craft. But I did not express my opinion; I went on with my meeting and left Ilayaraja’s home-shrine, a tad befuddled.

Kamal Hassan, Sridevi, Ilayaraja, Amitabh Bachchan, Rajnikant
at 'Shamitabh's' music launch
Picture Courtesy: PTI/Hindu/Internet

What began then was, as I came to realize, Ilayaraja’s hibernation, which lasted almost 10+ years. No significant music composition offers, no clamor from interview seekers, no major titles or awards; at least, things were not the same as before! I am not aware how he spent those years. Maybe he sulked. I am not aware how he spent those years. Maybe he sulked. Maybe he grieved. But if that was indeed his state, it well was his own creation. He was, is and will always be a musical genius, to me, and to millions of his fans across the world. That he had to make way for a next generation sensation called Rahman was only a reflection of the way Life is and works, and was no indication of any flaw with his craft. But maybe, just maybe, Ilayaraja missed this point. Until ‘Cheeni Kum’ (2007, directed by Balki and starring Amitabh Bachchan, Tabu) happened, where Ilayaraja made a phenomenal comeback. Balki, a senior professional in Indian advertising (Chairman and Chief Creative Officer of Lowe Lintas), says he got into filmmaking only to work with two of his idols__the Big B and Ilayaraja! And Ilayaraja re-used an old tune of his from the 1986 super, super-hit, Mani Ratnam film, ‘Mouna Ragam’ (follow video link here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5v1xOQmcQE) in ‘Cheeni Kum’, along with a couple of other unputdownable compositions. And slowly, very slowly, the King of Tamil music, a veteran of 999 (Tamil director Bala’s up-coming ‘Tharai Thappattai’ will be his 1000th!) films, and 5000 songs, is coming into his own again. He is perhaps, hopefully, in his second innings, realizing that he was always a winner. That the music in him never died. In January this year, Amitabh Bachchan, Kamal Hassan and Rajnikanth came together in Mumbai to launch the music for Balki’s latest ‘Shamitabh’, which again was composed by Ilayaraja. Talking at a public event in Chennai, some time ago, Ilayaraja said, “I don’t know how the music comes, if I find out, it will stop!”

This is what is happening to all of us. We are born winners. But we stop seeing our own worth, our own value because we expect Life to give us ideal performance conditions. And despite all the wishing that we__you and I__do, that can never be guaranteed. What can be known for sure though is that there’s a lot, a helluva lot, of talent in each in us. Our craft, our work, is our prayer. Irrespective of the circumstance we are placed in, let us keep playing on. Seasons will come, seasons will go, years will wear on, the body will age and wither away too someday, but eventually we will find that despite all of what has happened to us, the music within each of us remains intact. And all that happened, happened to humble us, to enlighten us, to enrich us, so that our music can light up the world!   

‘Accept and Fight’: Thanks for the invaluable Life lesson, Suzette Jordan!

Life’s injustices must surely be braved and corrected. But you will do well first to accept any situation before you work towards changing it. The key message from Suzette Katrina Jordan’s eventful and tumultuous Life – that sadly, abruptly, ended yesterday, owing to meningoencephalitis, in a Kolkata hospital – was this.

Suzette Jordan
Picture Courtesy: India Today

Suzette was a single mother of two girls. She was warm, compassionate and believed deeply in herself and in the cause of empowering women – something that she championed till her very end. She survived a gang rape on Park Street in Kolkata in February 2012. But, importantly, instead of hiding being the “Park Street Rape Survivor” tag, she came out in 2013 and revealed her identity on national television. It is sad and ironical therefore that her death has been reported across most sections of media as “Part Street Rape Survivor Dies”. Personally, I feel, a fitting tribute to her fight, for dignity and justice, would have been to say that “Suzette Jordan passes away, but the fight she started will go on”. Even so, it is not surprising that the media, that thrives on ‘keywords’ to grab eyeballs, used the ‘rape survivor’ tag to announce Suzette’s demise.

I reached out to Suzette in July 2014 inviting her to receive the first copy of my Book – ‘Fall Like A Rose Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money’ (Westland, August 2014) – when we launched it in Kolkata. I am not sure I had her correct email id and so I wouldn’t know if she ever got my invitation. But I learned from someone she worked with that Suzette had become very reclusive. This person, who headed an NGO for women in Kolkata, told me that Suzette had been numbed by the mud-slinging and witch-hunting that the West Bengal administration had launched against her: “Suzette is shocked no doubt with the insensitivity of the Chief Minister and her entire cabinet. But she is in no way cowed down. She accepts her current reality, she realizes that the odds are stacked against her, but she is determined to plow on.” For the record, Mamata Banerjee had termed Suzette’s charge of rape a ‘sajano ghotona’ (fabricated event) and her cabinet colleague, a lady, had called it a ‘sex deal gone awry’. In response to these charges, Suzette told NDTV’s Monideepa Banerjee: “People make mistakes, you know,” she said. “She made a mistake. I don't hold it against her.” Yesterday, Monideepa recounted this further on her blog: “Over the last three years, almost to the day, I met Suzette many times, at her home, at my office. She was indomitable, determined to fight for justice though the legal process dragged. The main accused is still absconding. She told me how in court, the three accused and their parents abused her, cajoled her to drop the case. But she fought on. Without resources. Three years, no job. Her mother lived with her, besides her two daughters. Her mother's brother in Australia sent her money. Her daughters' school fees were waived. She was celebrated across the country, speaker here, speaker there. But no end to hard times.”

And so, with her passing, in a way, the physical version of Suzette Katrina Jordan’s fight for justice has ended. But the spirit of her struggle, the message of courage and indomitable will that she spread in the three years since that barbaric attack on her, and the inspirational metaphor called Suzette Jordan will live on. She was the one that told the Indian media to stop using the word ‘victim’ for those affected by rape; she then modified it to ‘survivor’ and then daringly came forth and declared: “I am sick and tired of being called the Park Street rape survivor. I am Suzette Jordan.” Through her willingness to accept her Life for what it was she taught us the value in and power of acceptance. Through her activism for the cause she led, she also taught us that acceptance is not a passive state. It does not equal inaction. By being accepting of a situation, you conserve valuable energy which you would have otherwise expended in resisting that situation. When you accept your Life for what it is, you can channelize your energy intelligently to focus on doing what’s required of you to change the situation or to fight an injustice done to you or both!

Life’s situations are like an erroneously inflated BSNL bill. You can cry foul, you can rant, but BSNL will begin a dialogue and process to redress your complaint only when you first pay up their claim. So it is with Life. You have to first accept what is. Only then can you look to work on changing it!

Staying depressed is a complete waste of precious time

Dealing with depression requires a deeper understanding of what’s making you angry and unhappy. The moment you understand what is disturbing you, you can either let it go or fix it.  

A recent issue of India Today ran a cover story on depression. The statistics are alarming. One in every four women, and one in every 10 men, in India is depressed. That’s about 120 million people – enough to fill a state the size of Maharashtra! From death to divorce to health to stagnating careers, these people are battling unmet expectations and struggling to cope with the psychological impact of their challenged state of mind.

I know what it means and feels like to be depressed. About 10 years ago, I was depressed too – except that I didn’t even know I was depressed! I had gone to meet a renowned psychiatrist Dr.Vijay Nagaswami; I was reporting irrational bouts of anger. Dr.Nagaswami heard me out for an hour and told me that I was depressed. He said I had two ways in front of me to deal with my depression – medication or meditation. And he staunchly advocated the latter. Thanks to Dr.Nagaswami, for me, meditation worked.

I learnt to practice silence periods daily – a method called shubha mouna yoga. It required me to be silent for an hour each morning. That investment of an hour up front in the day helped me gain control over the remaining 23 hours! As my practice of mouna deepened, over time, I began to go to the root of my anger and my depression. Through that process, I understood myself and Life better.

Let me share my learnings here. You become depressed because something you expect has not happened. You wanted someone to love you, but she is not interested. You become depressed. You wanted a raise but it’s not happening. Again, you are depressed. The only person who understood you in the whole world is dead. You are depressed. You are accused of something you did not do. Depressed! You have a health situation that has crippled your functioning. You are depressed, to the point of losing interest in Life! So, in effect, whenever an expectation goes unmet, you are depressed.

Now, depression can manifest itself in two ways. As anger. As it happened to me. But that anger is not always there. A certain listlessness, a self-pity governs your daily Life. When someone or something interferes with it, you explode with anger. The other way depression happens is with sadness. Sadness is nothing but dormant, passive anger. You conclude you are helpless and lonely and that no one understands you. You brood all the time and keep pitying yourself.  Now, in either context – anger or sadness – the mind is not allowing you the opportunity to understand the futility of your being depressed. Which is why meditation – which helps you still your mind – is very useful in understanding what’s going on and choosing an intelligent response, and not a depressive one, to the situation.

Let us say you are angry, hurt, upset – and are therefore depressed – with the way someone has treated you. You can sulk for as long as you want, but that person is never going to realize that she or he has done something wrong, until you walk up and speak your mind. When you do this, that person can either accept your point of view or reject it. Now, you can never control another person’s attitudes or actions. You can only do what you can. When you realize that you have done the best you can, you learn to let go and move on. Now, you are not depressed anymore – because you are not suppressing your anger against that person nor are you sad that you have been treated shabbily.

Surely, this approach works in all contexts. The simplest way to snap out of a depressive spiral is to know that, in Life, it is always what it is. People and events are just the way they are. Your wanting them to be different is of no use. Unless people and things change, of their own accord, it is what it is. Period. So, don’t punish yourself trying to bemoan your fate. Get up and move on. Every moment that you are angry, sad and depressed, is a moment you have not lived your Life fully! Think about it. Staying depressed is a complete waste of precious time. And you don’t have much time either!!! As the famous Persian philosopher and poet, Omar Khayyam (1048 ~ 1131) says in his classic, Rubaiyat, “The wine of Life keeps oozing drop by drop; the leaves of Life keep falling one by one.”