Comparing yourself with others is what ruins your inner
peace. Drop all comparisons. You are unique. Just as everyone else is.
A participant at one of my workshops recently
asked me, “How do you not envy someone who has everything that you don’t?”
His question was as profound as it was candid.
To compare, and often times, even subconsciously, feel jealous of someone is a
normal human quality. But if you are aware, you will find that jealousy does
not help in any manner. In fact, it ruins your inner peace. It is only through
your awareness that you can drop comparisons and stop feeling jealous of
someone!
I remember reading a story. A man was sitting
peacefully on a mountain top. He was taking in the scenery. It was a beautiful
morning. He had had a very rough time in the past few weeks. So, he had decided
to trek up the mountain just to get some quiet time to himself. His girlfriend
had deserted him. And he had been heart-broken over that incident. But coming
here, up the mountain, had helped him greatly. He must have been sitting there
for over four hours. And he did not once think about his ex-girlfriend. He did
not feel anger or grief. He was able to see how beautiful Life was – just as it
was, despite whatever he was going through. Around noon, a young couple arrived
at the mountain top. They were happy to be with each other. The man saw this
couple and his thoughts went back to his girlfriend and he started pining for
her first. Then he was soon angry with her. And in some time, he was jealous of
this other man for being able to have a girlfriend when he did not have one
himself! The scenery and nature’s pristine beauty did not matter to him
anymore. He was angry with Life. He left the place in a huff.
This story is very relevant. For it helps us understand
the sequence of events that lead us to feeling miserable about any situation in
Life. When the man was “present” in the moment, when he was taking in the
scenery, he had no problems. For several hours he had no problems, no thoughts
about his past. But the moment he allowed thoughts of his past, of his
ex-girlfriend to creep in, he first started feeling uncomfortable, then angry
and finally, miserable. This is the way the mind leads you to misery. When you
are in the Now, when you are present in the moment, it is actually the state of
no-mind. This is when all you are doing is that you are engaged in whatever is
happening. If you are watching a movie, you are “in” it. If you are singing,
you “are” the song. If you are reading a book, you “are” the book. There’s no
past. There’s no future. There’s just you – in the Now!
The mind comes into play only when your
attention wavers. Now awareness cannot stop your attention from wavering. But
awareness can help you rein in your mind and bring your focus into the present
moment. How do you build a higher level of awareness in you? Simple – by constantly
training the mind to not interfere with the present. The mind thrives in debilitating
emotions like guilt, grief, anger and worry – in the past or in the future. It is
powerless in the present. To be sure, you too can train your mind through daily
practices like meditation or mouna (observing
silence periods).
So, don’t worry about your tendency to compare
yourself with others or feel jealous of them. Those are the effects. Go to what’s
causing the effect. Which is the mind. Work on training your mind. The more you
train to not let your attention to waver, the more you will be present in the
moment. And as long as you are present, no painful past or anxious future, can
ever touch you. When you reach this state, through repeated
practice, your Life will be blissful. Untouched by the scourge of comparison
and envy!
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