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Friday, December 20, 2013

Let go of what makes you unhappy and you will be happy!

There are no barriers to happiness except the ones you erect for yourself. Let go of what makes you unhappy and you will be happy!

Indeed. It is as simple as that.

I met a friend yesterday who is breaking up with her husband. Her business is not doing too good – she’s in a lot of debt. And her two children are still very young – they demand a lot of her time. She’s not able to focus on her passion – dance – as her failed relationship, her struggling business and her little children are taking up all her time and attention. “I am under a constant cloud of unwantedness, unhappy with whatever’s happening in my Life. I want to be able to devote time to my kids. It makes me sad that I really can’t do that either,” she confessed.

Many of us are this way too. Seeking happiness while doing what distinctly makes us unhappy. Sticking around in situations and relationships that drain us out completely and then lamenting that we are unable to break free. We don’t realize that the only reason we are unhappy in any situation in Life, is because, perhaps, we choose to be so.

Consider what my friend declared to me: “There seems to be no way out of this quagmire. I have hit a dead end.” I then asked her why she thought there was no way out. She said because she couldn’t see a way out. Now, those are two different things – there being no way out and your inability to see a way out. Most often, we don’t see the way out, because we are not looking in the right direction or we are not looking hard enough. Or, maybe, we just don’t want a way out? For, sometimes, being unhappy is so comfortable. The whole world will come to console you when you are unhappy. And to deal with unhappiness is so simple – you just have to frown at everything and everyone. It is addictive. And keeps you constantly engaged – wallowing in self-pity and self-declared hopelessness. This is exactly what I told my friend too. I advised her that all she needed to do was to end her relationship, shut down her business and spend quality time pursuing her passion and raising her children. She needed to focus on those factors in her Life that are enablers of happiness than on those that are debilitating. Simple.

But what does one do when you can’t get rid of what makes you unhappy. Like a failed relationship or business can be walked out of. But how can you walk away from the memory of someone whom you have lost? And what if that memory continues plague you – making you unhappy? Interestingly, the same approach will work here also. Let go of those memories of loss and pining. Replace them with memories you have of all that you enjoyed doing with that person who is no more now. Your unhappiness will instantaneously disappear. Again, as you will realize, focusing on the happiness enablers than on debilitating factors is the only way to rid yourself of unhappiness.

This is true for all of us. Without exception. In all situations. Happiness is not a state to be attained. It is who you are. Through conditioning – both economic and social – you have built walls or barriers around you, within you. These walls need to be torn down. In other words, if you throw out whatever makes you unhappy, you will end up being happy!

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