To even attempt
a solution to any problem you are faced with, you need to first step outside of
the problem, detaching yourself from it.
Problems don’t
have a mind of their own. A problem is a problem because you see it as one.
Interestingly, a problem does not even know it exists and does not even know
that its existence poses a problem to you! It is your mind that sees a problem, defines
it as big or small and responds with fear, worry and anxiety or, at times, with
nonchalance and/or callousness.
Know that
you cannot solve a problem by fearing it. Nor can you solve it by being in it! So,
really, to solve a problem, and there will be many in Life, you have to step
outside the problem. You have to be an observer to your own Life situation and
ask yourself what is it that the person in the problem situation must do to
solve it? And, interestingly again, if you can step outside and be an observer
of your own Life, the most profound awakening__that you have to do nothing
about anything__will sweep you in its wake! Yet, while this may be a very
simpler way of looking at Life, despite being an observer, you may want to and be
inclined to pursue some action on a practical plane. At least you will want to
attempt something. Do that by all means, but do that dispassionately. Focusing
only on what needs to get done. Go about attempting your solution in a clinical
sort of way. Don’t engage with any emotion. Work with the spirit of – “some
things have to be done, let’s just do them”. Period.
Let’s say
you are struggling with a relationship issue. It’s been going on for years.
Nothing has worked between the two of you. Yet every time you propose a
solution, speak with a voice of reason, you have been ridiculed. You have been ostracized
in the family. And each episode has only grown your grief. The relationship is
a burden that you carry with you. You are tired, want to be free and in peace.
So, why not step out of the situation? Ask yourself, what would you have done
if you were looking at this from the outside and advising someone else? Well,
possibly, you would have advised a complete breakaway between the two people
who find each other difficult to deal with. Sure. But please also advocate the
separation without any bitterness. You can even advise a legal separation when
two spouses are involved. But what do you do in a mother-son or a
brother-sibling relationship? At best you can advise, just walking away.
Understand
that sometimes, some things, including close relationships will not work out in
Life. Time changes. People change. So, it’s best to leave the other person to
herself or himself. Just stay away. No resolution is needed. No treaty is to be
signed. Face it: the relationship isn’t working out. So be it. Let it be. You
don’t spoil your peace and don’t spoil the peace of the other party too. This
may not make the relationship any better but it solves the problem that’s
arisen from the relationship issue.
Now contrast
this approach with the conventional one where you try remaining engaged in the
relationship and therefore bring in emotions into play while also attempting a
resolution. Some typical responses: Why should I walk away? I have done nothing
wrong. Why can’t that person understand? Isn’t it basic common sense that we
can’t continue to behave like juveniles? What about the future, what if we spar
again? The issue will never get resolved this way. It will only get vitiated.
Because either party will want to prove that she or he is right. The egos are
hurt. So each one will fight back.
Wishing problems
away or attempting to solve them when you are in its throes is not going to
make any problem easier to solve! While, as I said, the best approach is to let
problems be, even as you too just be, if you must at all attempt a solution, do
it by detaching yourself from the situation. Intelligent living is continuously
making a conscious choice on when to act on and when to accept Life. Dealing
with problems, interestingly, requires a bit of both __ action and acceptance!
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