How do you celebrate Life when nothing’s working out, the
chips are down and you simply don’t see a way out!? Simple – focus on what you
have, instead of agonizing over what you don’t have, and learn to live with your
reality!
Depression over things not working out the way
you had planned them to be can be very crippling. You may find it even cruel
that someone can suggest that you “celebrate Life” at such a time. Let me tell
you that I too have been there – I have been through depression, have protested
against “motherhood concepts” like “celebrating Life” – and yet, now, totally
believe that the only way to live is to keep on celebrating the Life you have!
First, understand that to be depressed is not a
crime. It is a natural, human response to situations that have arrived in your
Life despite your efforts or desire to keep them away. So, when you feel depressive,
accept it as yet another emotion that you have to deal with. Examine what is
causing the depression. For instance, if you are looking for a job and are
meeting with no success, your depression can be stemming from any of these
questions that you may be struggling with – “Am I worthless? Is my career over?
Is everyone scheming or conspiring against me? What if this jobless state
prolongs, how will I provide for the family and pay my bills?” There could be
more questions. But the point here is that all these questions are based on your
perceptions, your apprehensions, your fears. Very rarely are such thoughts
backed by evidence. And even if you have data, or see a pattern, if you examine
your reality – and your depression – closely, you will realize there is nothing
much you can do about it.
I remember, some years back, in 2007, we submitted
500 proposals for projects from our consulting business. Now, if you have
reached the proposal stage with 500 prospective clients in 12 months, it means
you would have met several hundred more prospects, some of whom may not have
wanted to engage with you. However, despite such a brilliant sales and
marketing effort, we got no business that year. Not even a day’s engagement in
365 days!!! It was very depressing. Very humiliating. The data on hand told me
that we were being rejected. But I refused to look at it that way. Because none
of the business leaders we had met got back saying we were not the right fit or
that they couldn’t afford us. They all had internal reasons not to engage with
us. And in fact, none of them engaged with another similar partner either. Now,
when I re-examined my depression, I realized that I did not have any control
over the outcome of my efforts. Just because I did not get the result I had
envisaged, it didn’t necessarily mean something was wrong with me or my effort.
Yes, one could definitely make a better effort going forward, but being
depressed, I discovered, doesn’t solve anything.
Over five years later, since 2012, pretty much
the same situation has prevailed on the work front for me – no assignments and
therefore, no money. But this time, I did not feel depressed or insecure or scared.
Actually, I decided to focus on what I had, than what I didn’t have. I realized,
for one, that I had a whole lot of time on my hand. I decided to put that time
to good use than simply mourn a reality that I had no power to immediately change.
Definitely not with sulking and being bitter or by feeling insecure. That’s
really how my first book “Fall Like A Rose
Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without
money” came about. It is being published by Westland and is due
for release in three weeks. So, while it may seem incredible that during a
phase of acute, often numbing, cashlessness, and severe, crippling emotional pain,
a book that celebrates Life got written – the truth is that’s how it really happened!
Celebrating Life doesn’t mean jumping up and
down and screaming from rooftops. It simply means cherishing and valuing what
you have and valuing what you cherish. It is knowing that no matter what the
evidence may be pointing to, every dark, depressive phase in Life will pass. It
may take longer than you wished it took, but it will pass, for sure! Until
then, intelligent living calls for the understanding that there’s no point
being depressed. Being happy, instead, makes living through
tough times that much more easier!
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