Never confuse your right to be firm with your need to be forgiving
in relationships. In fact, you can be both – firm and forgiving.
There’s
a warm and compassionate side to each of us. We are, by nature, willing to
forgive people for their transgressions. But often times our softer side is viewed
and interpreted as our weakness by people who trample upon our emotions or deny
us our freedom or even basic, fundamental, human courtesies. In such
situations, it is absolutely fine to stand up for yourself, look the someone
who is bullying or harassing you in the eye, and say that you will not take
this treatment anymore.
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I
have learned this from Swami Sathya Sai Baba: “In any relationship between two
people, one may well be a cow and the other, a bull. There’s nothing wrong in
being either. Each has a role to fulfil and each has something to offer the
other. But at any time that the bulls starts taking advantage of the cow’s
benevolence, mistaking it for meekness, the cow will be well within its rights
to assume the ‘avatar’ of the bull. In
taking a stance, in your own interest, there is no right or wrong. Just be
righteous. The cow need not perpetrate any acrimony, aggression or animosity.
But the cow shouldn’t suffer any of these either.”
In
essence, while to make a mistake is human, and to forgive such a mistake too is
human, to suffer in silence and sorrow is both unjust and inhuman. It is the
biggest hurdle to inner peace and joy. So, don’t confuse being compassionate and
being firm. They need not be exclusive. Simply, no matter who it is, don’t let
anyone take you for granted or play with your self-esteem. Remember:
if you don’t stand up for yourself – chances are, perhaps, nobody else will!
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