If you
give grief too much space in your Life you are ruining yourself. When things go
wrong, there will be grief. But break-free from it after initially comforting
yourself in its deceptive bosom. Indeed Grief is comforting – because it feeds
your ego. It puts you in the spotlight, at the center of your Universe. But
this comfort is at first debilitating and, when there’s too much of it, is fatal.
When grief consumes you, it will make you invalid and incapable of enjoying
Life, of living fully!
I met
someone who is struggling, after a lot of inner turmoil, debate and dialogue,
to accept that his 20-year-old marriage is over. He reports that his wife has
been seeing someone else for over 10 years now. He also confessed that there
was really no compatibility between the two of them from the beginning – they never
agreed on anything and found themselves fighting every single day!
“So, what’s
the problem? Are you not clear this is not working out? Why are you not moving
on?” I asked.
“I am
hurting. I am not sure I know why this is happening to me. I am not sure I
deserve this,” he replied, fighting his tears.
This
friend has been carrying a lot of guilt and grief in him for so many years. Despite
the fact that his marriage appears to have been over more than a decade ago, he
still refuses to accept it. He’s still asking, in vain, “Why? Why me?”
There’s no
point asking “Why” in Life. The whole experience of this lifetime that each of
is going through is mysterious, is often bizarre. So, when you ask yourself
questions that have no answers you are kidding yourself. And in the hope that
you will find some answers, you go on searching. You go on stumbling through
Life. You go on grieving. What is, is the only truth in Life. In my friend’s
case the truth is that he and his spouse appear to have stopped ‘relating’ to
each other long, long ago. What they are presiding over is the corpse of their
relationship – their dead marriage! They more he sits around with it, the more
grief he will be in. And the more he grieves, the less fully he will live.
This is so
true of many of the other situations in Life – wherever we try to analyze Life
and find reasons and answers. When people do try to offer us answers, with
reasons and justifications, they are only consoling us. But consolations are of
no use because they always deal with a “dead” past. Consolations are only an
attempt to whitewash Life. Instead if we simply accepted Life for what it
is__as it is, as THE Truth__and moved on – we would surely live fuller, richer,
happier lives!
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