Don’t blame others. Whosoever they are and whatever they
have done to you. In a way, you, me, each of us, creates our own realities. You
are responsible for whatever is happening to you, with you. And unless you
recognize this, and own this reality, you cannot escape suffering.
Through ownership, through taking responsibility, through
being accountable for yourself, you awaken. Only when you are awake and aware,
you can be free from being controlled by others or avoid being enslaved by your
own thinking and actions!
About 20 years ago, I was executive assistant to a rich
billionaire. I was based in Singapore but traveling the world on work. I used
to love my work, because I was learning so much every single day. But I used to
hate__and fear__my boss who was abusive and unreasonable all of the time. I had
to work 20+ hours daily and travel without a break for weeks on end. One
particularly stressful day, at the end of a harrowing week, when I thought my
boss would travel to Zurich and leave me alone for the time his journey would
take, he changed his plans at the nth moment. Nothing surprising about it. But the
reason why he changed his plans at the last minute was absurd! He decided to not take the early evening
flight from Changi to Zurich that day because he ‘felt like having fish head
curry at the Apollo Banana Leaf off Serangoon Road’. So, while he went to eat
his meal, I was dispatched to the airport with his baggage to check him, and
another senior colleague Paul ( a New Zealander, the President of our company)
traveling with him, in on the next flight departing Changi around midnight
local time, get their boarding passes (in those days proxies could check in for
passengers though they were not allowed to travel!) and await them both at the
airport. Perhaps because I was exhausted and tired, perhaps because I loathed
these last minute, unreasonable changes my boss made, perhaps because I hated
my boss, or perhaps for all three reasons, I took my eye off the ball. I lost Paul’s
passport in the taxi. Result: while my boss could take the flight out to Zurich,
Paul couldn’t travel that night. My boss let off a lot of steam in full public
view at the Singapore Airlines’ check-in bay in Changi while I stood silently,
my gaze down on the floor, allowing myself to be ‘slaughtered’ like a helpless
lamb.
Paul and I took a taxi back to our hotel. As soon as we were
seated, I broke down and cried inconsolably. I blamed my fate, I blamed my
boss, I blamed the taxi driver and I blamed my earlier company!! I did that
arguing that I would never have left them for this job had they been good
employers!
Paul allowed me to explode and express myself. After about
20 minutes, after I had sobered down and had wiped my tears, Paul spoke: “Son, each
of us is responsible for our realities. Nobody forced you to take this job up.
Nobody is forcing you to put up with your boss if you don’t see eye to eye with
him. He’s not the one to be blamed for being who he is. You must assume
responsibility for allowing him to treat you that way. He doesn’t talk to me
the way he does to you. He knows he dare not. So, stop sulking. Stop the blame
game. Take charge. And get on with your Life! Don’t worry about my passport. I
have called the limo company and they will check with their ‘Lost & Found’
service tomorrow. In Singapore, anything that passengers leave behind in taxis is
turned over to “Lost & Found”.”
Paul’s advice appeared to me as if it was an impromptu
sermon that I needed to hear. I took his point to heart. In a couple of days
following this episode, I quit that job and returned to India. In these two decades,
my level of awareness has only improved. I have come to a state where I accept
my realities and own total responsibility for them. I have learned that all the
guile and craftiness of the people around us, or even their nastiness and
unreasonableness, is only to make us more aware. And staying on the ball, in
the moment, being alert, is integral to intelligent living!
Each person has a role in our Life’s journey. When we see
each one as an enabler of our lives, we will stop blaming them, or ourselves. We
will then live richer, fuller, lives__peaceful within and with all the others
in our circle of influence!
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