Even
'close' relationships need continuous celebration for them to thrive. If they
are not celebrated, they wither away like plants that are devoid of water and
sunlight.
Here
we are not talking about acquaintances that we 'can't get along with' for
professional or other reasons, but are referring to people who 'were so close
once upon a time, but are no longer'! This is to explain why we grow distant
from childhood friends, from spouses whom we dated, romanced and loved deeply
once upon a time or from siblings that we grew up with. The distances between
us and such people are not because of lack of mutual respect or admiration.
These distances have come between us because we have stopped celebrating each
other. Celebrating here means nurturing, providing the adequate sunshine and
water, through continuous conversations, critiquing, supporting, challenging,
caring and sometimes, just being available. Celebrating therefore means loving
someone all the time___irrespective of time, space, behavior, responses,
whatever.
In
a recent issue of Mint, I was aghast
to see an advisor suggest “5 tips to ensure a financial contract exists between
two partners before they marry”. I come from a time when people just met each
other and if they believed that they wanted to be together for the rest of
their lives, they just married. That’s how Vaani and I decided to marry way
back in 1988. Now, when I look back, the companionship between Vaani and me
would still have remained sacred even without a marriage. I have come to
understand that marriage is an unnecessary label, a worthless stamp of approval from a
decadent society! The only tip to long-term companionship I can offer is – keep
relating, keep celebrating!
Osho,
the Master, offers a simple, do-able, immediately implementable formula for
celebrating and nurturing relationships. His prescription: don’t call or label
anything a relationship. Instead, he says, just keep relating. He reminds us:
“LOVE IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP. Love relates, but it is not a relationship. A
relationship is something finished. A relationship is a noun; the full stop has
come, the honeymoon is over. Now there is no joy, no enthusiasm, now all is
finished. You can carry it on, just to keep your promises. You can carry it on
because it is comfortable, convenient, cozy. You can carry it on because there
is nothing else to do. You can carry it on because if you disrupt it, it is
going to create much trouble for you… Relationship means something complete,
finished, closed. Love is never a relationship; love is relating. It is always
a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full stop; the honeymoon begins but
never ends. It is not like a novel that starts at a certain point and ends at a
certain point. It is an ongoing phenomenon. Lovers end, love continues– it is a
continuum. It is a verb, not a noun. You are in love with a woman or a man and
immediately you start thinking of getting married. Make it a legal contract.
Why? How does the law come into love? The law comes into love because love is
not there. It is only a fantasy, and you know the fantasy will disappear.
Before it disappears, settle down; before it disappears, do something so it
becomes impossible to separate.”
Instead
of bringing law or definitions and labels into relationships, let’s focus on
never-ending celebrations, on loving each person in our lives, and to keep on
relating to the other __ lover, friend, parent, colleague, sibling, whoever __
without pausing to evaluate, analyze or justify. Try this. It works. Choose a
relationship that you think has gone “cold” over the years. Ask yourself if you
have grown distant because you have stopped relating to, stopped celebrating
this person? Don’t focus on a ‘revival’. Don’t expect. Know that all you need
to do is to continue loving without either the label or an expectation coming
in the way. The other person may still be distant__physically and
metaphorically. Don’t worry. Don’t stop the celebration, the loving, the
relating.
Because through the energies of your continuous
celebration, the loving, the relating will happen__enriching both your souls,
exponentially, infinitely.
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