Go to work on your problems than just lament about them

When Life’s problems seem insurmountable, take each day as it comes, but keep at your problems without thinking of the outcomes.

There will be times when nothing will seem to go your way. Situations at work will be unproductive – stressful, political and complex. Your relationship could be heading nowhere – often leaving you lonely and lost. The money may just not be enough. And any efforts you make to fix things, to find solutions, to make the situation better, may only end up confounding matters. The normal response to such a situation is anger, frustration and depression. When these emotions arise, observe them. Hold them and give them your attention. Ask yourself if feeling angry, frustrated or depressed is of any use in a situation when you don’t like what you are getting in Life. When you realize the futility of anger, frustration and depression, you will immediately want to let them go.

Running away from Life or feeling sad continuously for what has happened or feeling guilty for what you may have contributed to what has happened – none of these serve any purpose. In fact, Life never cares how you feel. Life just goes on happening. And if you bring debilitating thoughts to the table, if you keep clinging on to the negativity that arises as a result within you, you will feel bogged down and held hostage.

What is a problem situation at the end of the day? Any situation that you dislike is a problem situation. Plain and simple. If what you dislike must go away – one of two things must happen. Either you must work on driving it away. Or you must walk away from it. You can’t forever be lamenting that you dislike a situation. That’s escapism. Of course, in any situation, you can act, you can take remedial steps. So, act. Don’t worry about the results. Simply act. An action may lead you to a result. And you may like or dislike that result. Then act again if you must change that result. That’s how it works. Inaction on account of depression, anger, guilt, grief or worry is sacrilege. For anything about a current reality to change, you have to change something within you first. Which is, you must be ready and willing to go to work on your problem regardless of circumstance, outcome, reward or recognition. Just keep chipping away. When the going gets tough again, when you face rejection, failure and hit another no-go place, you may well face another bout of depression and frustration. Hold your depression again and examine its futility. Then let it all go. And you go back to work, to chipping away at your problem. One day, one day surely, what you are chipping away at will give way. And that day, when you connect the dots backward, you will be grateful for the choice you made – to have gone to work on your problem than sit and bemoan it!   

A chef whips up a recipe for ‘non-suffering’!

Sometimes Life’s problems will confound you. It could be a relationship tangle, a financial situation, a health crisis or a professional challenge. You will find, to your dismay, that whatever solution you attempt will just not work. Because some things are simply not meant to be.

I recently met a man who is a master of his craft. He’s an extremely successful chef at a leading hospitality chain. We got talking. And I politely enquired about his family. He laughed heartily.

Taking a deep breath, he replied: “I have been married thrice. I got divorced twice. And widowed once. I have a 20-year-old autistic son who lives me. So, that’s my family!”

I felt sorry I had asked him that question. But he showed no signs of discomfort. Just so that we made the conversation easier, I remarked: “Oh! I am sorry. Must be tough on you. But you seem to be very enthusiastic about Life!”

He said: “Sorry? Don’t be. I have realized that I cannot have a regular, normal family that many others have. I have accepted that companionship is not part of my Life’s scene! Raising my son as a single parent has been difficult but I don’t complain anymore. My problems go through me! I don’t go through any problems. Not anymore!”

His simple, matter-of-fact attitude is very inspiring. Indeed. Isn’t that a practical way to look at Life? We normally respond to Life’s challenges with a sense of shock and dismay. We always lament about Life and wonder how difficult it is to go through the problems we are faced with. But here my chef friend has flipped the paradigm. His sense of acceptance has made him unflappable! There’s a learning here for us too. When you grieve over the Life you have you suffer. But when you accept it, while there may be pain, there will be no suffering. Perhaps, you may want to try this chef’s recipe for ‘non-suffering’: “let your problems go through you; you simply accept what is.”

Feeling incomplete and restless? Don’t try connecting the dots!

There will be times in Life when everything will seem so unstuck, so unsure, so unpredictable. Whenever you feel this way, don’t let it all cook within you – just turn around and go to sleep!

Last night when I lay down to sleep, I felt the same way myself.

I had been watching Rang De Basanti (Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra, 2006) for the umpteenth time on TV – somehow the move never tires you out; it instead grows on you. In the wake of the Chennai Floods, every issue that DJ and his friends raise in the movie, made me feel very disturbed. Since there is a strong apprehension among most people in Chennai that the floods were a result of poor decision-making by the authorities concerned, issues like lack of accountability, leadership and collective public action to challenge and change status quo – magnified by the RDB viewing – made me restless. And then there is our enduring bankruptcy and the uncertain future looming large: of dealing with every day – practical, survival-related – challenges as 2016 arrives. We are yet to begin repaying our debt and the discomfort of living with – and in – such a seemingly-endless situation is immense. Our daughter’s graduate studies are coming up in 2016 and our son has a niggling medical condition that needs attention. My end of the family still chooses to remain estranged, while we don’t have the means yet to financially reciprocate all the day-to-day support that Vaani’s end of the family provides us.

Phew! Sometimes, I just wish that all this incompleteness – and the restlessness it causes – simply dissolves. Yes, I am human too.

That’s when I recalled a learning that my college mate from Kerala, Rajmohan Pillai, of the Beta Group, had shared with me some years ago. He had told me, while buying me and Vaani a multigrain sub at a Subway in Nungambakkam, Chennai: “Vaani and AVIS, don’t try to solve all your problems all at once. You simply can’t. Just be at them, just be; and over time, they will all get resolved.” I never understood the import of what Rajmohan was teaching us when he first said this. But over the years, I have greatly valued his advice.

So, I just turned off the TV and went to sleep. I slept well.

My practice of mouna (daily silence periods) and my spiritual evolution has helped me realize the futility of worrying. So, last night, I wasn’t worrying. Yes those worrisome thoughts were arising. But I was choosing to remain unaffected by them. Yet, there is an incompleteness I felt. And, from experience, let me tell you feeling incomplete at such times is very natural. The human mind craves for so much control on Life situations. But Life is more powerful. She can never quite be tamed. We often don’t understand this truth about Life and respond to such incompleteness in one of two – or both – ways: we worry and/or we connect the dots of all that is wrong with our Life and magnify a pimple to look like a tumor! Both responses are futile – worrying cannot solve problems and linking all your problems up only confounds an already complex situation!

The best way, I have learnt, is to switch off the mind when it goes into an overdrive on either – or both – fronts. To switch off the mind, you must just live in the present. The mind can only thrive when it is generating thoughts from the dead past or predicting the unknown future. In the present the mind is powerless. Last night, since even my attempt to be in the present – watching RDB – turned out to be disturbing me, I simply went to sleep. And I believe there’s nothing wrong with that choice. Let’s understand that each problem in Life is unique. Each one has a tenure. No problem in your Life – or mine – is going away unless it has served its time – and purpose! So, when you can’t solve a problem with your (human) intellect, agonizing over it is of no use. You simply have to try again – and again and again and again – with a fresh perspective, with renewed energy and vigor.

As I go down to work on my Life and its myriad, incomplete, situations, I wish you too luck. If we can’t immediately solve our problems, let’s at least avoid connecting the dots and making everything seem menacing and scary! This is the only way to inner peace and strength when you are in the throes of a storm!

Don’t seek a perfect solution – there isn’t one!

No solution is ever going to be the perfect one for any problem. So, don't despair.

Just attempt a solution and stay anchored in faith, humility and patience. Think about it. There is genius embedded in each of us. We know the solution to every problem we are faced with. But we end up applying way too much logic (too much academic education is a handicap here!) to our approach to finding solutions. We debate within ourselves on whether it will work, what if something unseen crops up, how that will affect other constituencies and such. This how we end up diluting our initial enthusiasm to solve the problem with debilitating arguments. Result: we don't pursue attempting the solution.

This is why we are unable to deal with most of our Life situations efficiently – from losing weight to giving up a habit to pursuing a career that we dream of or to ending a relationship that is not working out. The way to end this conundrum is to follow your heart. Apply logic, but don't be swept away by logic along. Allow what you feel about the situation to contribute to your solution. Remember that the imperfection in any solution that you foresee can be overcome with your sense of integrity to make a difference to the situation in front of you. Stay with the action always. Leave the result and outcome to the higher energy that surrounds us all.

If you are happy and you know it, show it…!

Don’t be afraid to be happy. Being happy is neither sinful nor is it a crime. And if you are happy, let the world know, how you are feeling! Nothing wrong with it.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a young journalist on happiness. I told her that most people want to be happy. But they are afraid to be happy. The young lady wanted me to elaborate. I told her: “The reason is that in the throes of all your problems you feel guilty being happy. So, you postpone happiness, hoping to solve all your problems in the meantime. But that’s not going to happen. You are never going to get to a problem-free state. So, the best way to live is to be happy despite your circumstances – whatever they may be.”

Happiness is not partying. Or shopping. Or drinking. Or eating. It is not about indulging yourself. It is about immersing yourself in the present moment, living every bit of it wholesomely. It is an inner feeling. And it is about being in the now and expressing yourself through it.

Ayyappan - The "Happy-Tree" Man
and the trees he has planted recently to
"celebrate the goodness in his organization"

I have known this gentleman Ayyappan who works for an NGO in Kanchipuram for some time now. He too has, like most of us, faced a lot of challenges in his Life. And through all of them he has learnt the art of being happy. He feels his happiness is about being true to himself. So, simply, he never does anything that makes him unhappy. Working in an NGO, he believes, gives him immense joy and inner peace. The act of serving, he says, helps him tame his desire to seek deservance. He also has a very interesting method, a way, by which he demonstrates his happiness. “Whenever some good happens around me, in my family or neighborhood or at work or in our country or in the world, I plant a tree. I want the tree to spread the energy and message of everlasting happiness,” explains Ayyappan, who has already been practising this ‘method’ for many years now.

  

I think it is a beautiful way of not just paying back, but also of reviewing how happy you have been – the more trees you can count, over time, means that’s how happy your Life has been. Besides, the trees will outlive you and keep contributing to make the world a much better than what it is now.

Ayyappan’s philosophy and method are both inspirational and practical. You don’t have to plant a tree if it’s not your ‘thing’ – you can feed someone, you can give someone a hug, you can educate a child or you can do whatever gives you joy! The nub is this: let’s not postpone or hide our happiness. Let’s dare to be happy and let’s show it. 

When you embrace your problems, they make you stronger

No problem goes away until you have learnt from it and know how to deal with it.

This is the simple truth we all fail to get. And so, we keep denying problems or keep hoping the problems will go away. Only when we stop denying or wishing our problems away, only when we embrace and welcome our problems with open arms do we find them mellowing down, or easing their stranglehold on our lives. Even so, what happens then is that the problem still remains as it is, where it is, only, our ability to deal with it gets better. When we are able to deal with a situation better, we play the game__in this case, of Life__better. When we play anything well, we experience joy. When there is joy, nothing remains a problem.

The Bible says,"And God said, let there be light; and there was light." The light that God is referring to is the joy in us. Just as darkness cannot exist in the presence of Light, problems cease to exist in their draconian forms when we experience inner joy and peace. This essentially means that when we are anchored, our problems don’t frighten us, they don’t make us insecure. We then learn to co-exist with our problems.

Let us stop making pimples seem like cancers. Let us un-darken our lives by opening our souls to the Light within. Let us embrace our problems and discover the joy of having them in our lives__and be grateful for the opportunity they give us to learn from them and become better, stronger people.

Apply the Twitter logic: define your problems within 140 characters

Kiss your problems away.

A simple approach worth trying is to apply the Twitter formula to your__any__problem situation: If you can describe it in 140 characters or less, you have got a way out! Most of the time we tend to blow problems out of proportion by adding too much data, too much analysis, too much reason, too much emotion and too much fear to it! Think of some situations. You have had a bad morning__kids acting cranky, morning rush hour traffic, a flat tyre and an incomplete presentation before the crucial meeting starts. Your boss balks at you. You feel like a worm. You start imagining this is a worthless, thankless Life. You carry your grumpy feeling home. You snap at your kids. You ignore your spouse. You wish you could die. The next day, same scenario, with some added thrills, twists and turns, plays out. You are giving up! So your well-meaning colleague asks you to share. You say that you should never have got married in the first place. Or had the kids early. Or that that you shouldn’t be working because you can’t manage this stress. But you need the money. And then there are the loans. The EMIs. And then there’s the older one’s college tuition fee responsibility coming up. Oh! God, there’s no way out! You lament, perhaps, break down, hold your colleague’s hand, say your thank you, and rush because it is time to pick up the kids from school. So, what’s your problem? Marriage? Kids? Job? Simple: “You are unable to manage your time.”  And all you need to do is to get help to manage your multiple tasks or get out of some activities (like give up the job if you can afford not to have one) or just stop cribbing.

To imagine that your entire Life’s a pain is completely futile! Or take another situation. You are self-employed. Run a small business. Clients are not paying up. But you need to keep the business going. You borrow. Interest rates, over the years, are hurting you. You take to smoking and drinking to handle your stress. Things go into a spiral. Losses. Client and employee attrition. Plus your destructive habits. You fear you will die. And the family will be on the street. So, to drown that fear, you drink more! You think everyone is ganging up against you. You feel Life is conspiring to fix you. What’s your problem? “You need help running your business.” That’s it. Not that you are a bad businessman or a bad employer or that you are inefficient. It is just a phase in Life. And unless you bring in help __ to either restructure your Firm financially (infuse working capital) or remodel your business __ you will be in this situation. And yes, you must help yourself by giving up your destructive habits! 

Apply this Twitter-focus to any situation to Life __ relationships, health, family, social, community, career __ anywhere. It will work. Theodore Rubin, an American psychiatrist and author, says, “The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” All of us dramatize situations in our Life. Resultantly, we are unable to state or define our problems simply and objectively. This, therefore, delays__or, often times, even denies__problem resolution. Keeping definitions of the problems we face simple__within 140 characters__makes them less painful to endure and far easier to solve. Keep It Simple to Solve—KISS your problems away! 

To find inner peace in a time of suffering is a choice – exercise it!

Your problems are breeding grounds for either your suffering or your joy. 

You, and only you, can decide what you want out of your problems. The immediate response to a problem situation is denial. But despite your denying, the problem doesn’t go away. So you start getting angry, frustrated, depressed and, when the problem refuses to let go, you eventually begin to suffer. Does your problem go away, recede, with your suffering? Of course not! On the other hand, your suffering only breeds new problems_physical ailments, depression, poor decision-making and a perpetual state of ‘grumpiness’! As my good friend from high school, Jaidev, profoundly says often, “The maladies of the body are but reflections of the travails of the soul”!

So, let’s get this right. Problems will be there. Whether you like it or not. If you are born and are living__as we all are__your Life WILL have problems. The tenure and intensity of problems may vary, but there cannot be a time in your lifetime that you don’t have any problems! If this be true what is so intelligent about grieving over your problems? Isn’t it a far more mature and intelligent response to think of your problems as an opportunity to challenge yourself__to find joy where others find suffering?

Take time to understand your situation, your predicament, from all dimensions. Understand further that you cannot solve anything in a nano-second and that sometimes you have to live with your problem(s). This acceptance will not take your problem away, but will help you deal with it better. When you operate from the core of your inner joy, you feel the pain, but you don’t suffer. If you have a physical condition you may be writhing in pain, but your sense of joy will not allow the pain to cripple your soul. If you are in an emotional trauma – someone dies, someone betrays you – your joy will not allow the loss, the grief to affect your mindfulness. Not to say that your thoughts won’t go back to the one who is no more or pine for an understanding where a misunderstanding prevails, but you will be able to rein in your thoughts and look at what is than what should or would have been!

Of all the moments that make up your lifetime, it is this choice to find joy, and inner peace, in times of suffering, that makes the difference between “living” those moments and “enduring” a lifetime!

Focus on the issue, never on the person

Focus on the issue on hand. Never on the people connected with it or on the sentiments that they express.

Life’s full of challenges. Some of them involve the interactions we have with people. There are some whom we can never escape immediately. Like a short-tempered boss. Or a temperamental adolescent. Or a depressive spouse. Or an irritating neighbor. When we start wondering why is someone behaving in such a manner, we lose the plot__and therefore the opportunity to seek a resolution or find a win-win platform for both parties. Know that people are different. And it is in people’s nature to be the way they are. Each of us is created differently. And so is the person you are having a challenge interacting with. So, if you look at the person and grieve saying she or he does not meet your expectation, it is an exercise in futility. For example, if you expect your boss to be polite and dignified with you__when he is incapable of such niceties__you will suffer. Instead understand that the issue you have is with the way you are being treated. And if you don’t like it, you must find yourself a new boss! Meaning, a new job. Simple! Don’t grieve over the current one. Similarly, a teenager behaving irresponsibly at home is reflective of her adolescence and not a sign of any disrespect to you nor is this pointing to your failing in your duty to bring her up well.

There’s a saying in cricket: “Play the ball, not the bowler.” And we will all do well to remember this in all situations in Life. When we respect the issue, the situation, and give it all the attention it deserves, irrespective of who is causing it, we will always find solutions __ and peace!

Joy has to be experienced in and with what is!

If you are confused about Life, you are normal. And you are not alone.

Everyone is confused about Life at some time or the other. Some even spend an entire lifetime being confused. If you are confused about the reason for your creation not being known to you, relax. If you are confused about your career or why a certain relationship is not working out, chill. If you are confused why your child does not behave the way you want her to, just let go. So, don't try to demystify Life. Don't try to apply complex formulae to solve this puzzle. Someone aptly said: "Confusion is like fertilizer. It feels like crap in the beginning, but nothing can grow without it." 

On the other hand, try to go beyond the confusion and simplify Life. By finding joy in what you have instead of pining for and chasing what you don't have. Know that joy cannot be pursued. It has to be experienced in and with what is! By making simple, yet important choices: If you don't know why you are here on this planet, stop vexing over it. Know that your creation has a purpose and it will find you soon. If you don't like what you are doing, don't do it. Simple. But stop agonizing over the possible fallout of your decision or stop cribbing about your job. Any problem in Life has to be dealt with straight and simply. With problems there are only two ways; you can either solve a problem or you can’t solve it! If you can solve a problem, why worry about it? And when you can’t solve a problem, why worry about it again? Just learn to accept it as there is no point in complaining about it. See, now, isn’t Life clear and simple? 

Learn to get better at dealing with problems

Your problems do have expiry dates – except you don’t know what they are! So the best you can do is to endure your problems patiently and, over time, get better at dealing with them.

When a problem lingers on, it is but natural to feel frustrated and depressed with the situation. After all, who wants a cancer that cannot be cured or who wants to be out of job for months on end or who wants a messy relationship that shows no signs of resolving? But feeling depressed because you have an enduring problem is of no use. It’s definitely not going to make your problem go away!

What you must realize is that, surely, each of your problems will end one day. The new problem however is that you can never have an idea when each one will end. So, the best way to deal with problems is to be patient, accept them for what they are, and keep relentlessly chipping away at them, trying to find solutions. Over time, even if your problem remains unresolved, you would have at least got better learning to deal with them. The other reality is that when one problem goes away another will appear – sooner than later. Such is the nature of Life. You can’t ever expect a phase in your Life when you will have no problems.

Living intelligently is really the art of being happy despite your problems, despite your circumstances. That art, like any other, can be developed with consistent practice. A deeper awareness of the impermanence of everything, including Life itself, definitely helps. So, stop wanting to either solve all your problems or wanting to know when you can be rid of them. Just do what you can do best in every (problem) situation; over time, watch yourself getting better at dealing with your Life and your problems, and simply be happy! 

Acceptance means not resisting Life

Make Life simple. Do not question what’s happening to you. Don’t fret or gloat over anything. Just live with complete awareness and in total acceptance.

Imagine something grave has happened to you. Maybe someone you know died. Now, it is normal for you to be in pain, agony and also in mourning. But how long are you going to live being dead every breathing moment? On the other hand if you accepted that death will follow birth, as it has done ever since creation happened, you may miss the person, but your grief will cease. Replace death with any other context and do the same thing. Someone’s nasty to you, accept it. You lost your job, accept it. You don’t get business because the markets are in the grip of a recession, accept it again! Acceptance does not mean inaction. It doesn’t mean you should not strive to make things better again. You should. You must. Acceptance means choosing not to resist whatever is happening to you at any given time.

Acceptance replaces grief with bliss while still not solving the problem you may be confronted with immediately. Problems will go away exactly the same way they have come. They are a product of your time. But bliss is not dependent on what you are going through. It is a state that you are already in; you don’t feel it because you have complicated your Life by resisting Life! Simplify Life by accepting it for what it is

Don’t complain about the unsolvable; just deal with it in acceptance!

Not all of Life's problems can be solved. Because they are not meant to be solved. They are meant to be dealt with.

Dealing with Life, while accepting it for what it is, is a much better approach than trying to solve the unsolvable. How do you solve the death of a dear one? How do you solve the inability to relate with someone? How do you solve a rare form of pancreatic cancer? How do you solve the agony of a family of three, whose 40-year-old son is going through a severe depression, the father is on a catheter and the mother is immobile because of a nervous disorder? The truth is: everyone really gets what's their share in Life. And some of what may be given in Life, by Life, may be the unsolvable. And dealing with the situation, by the moment, by the day, is always better that grieving about it endlessly. Because the unsolvable will not be amenable to reason, solution and resolution. It is ALWAYS what it is.

Jalaluddin Rumi, the 13th Century Persian poet's collection of spiritual discourses is called "Fihi Ma Fihi" (It is what it is!). In one of his discourses, he asks,"If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?" The import is that it is Life's nature to throw us into the deep end, untethered, and it is in our spirit, and best interests, to deal with Life, with forbearance, with stoicism, with acceptance. And when we emerge from each ordeal, we come radiant, shining from the inner recesses of our soul! Deal, therefore, with Life in acceptance and don't try to solve the unsolvable. That's living intelligently!

Have a complex problem? Consider a simple solution – simply ‘accept’ the problem!

Complex problems need not necessarily have complex solutions. In fact, if you accept – and not deny – that you have a problem, the solution to any problem situation is often downright simple.  

Some years ago, deep in the throes of a our Firm’s bankruptcy, my wife and I were advised to meet a Siddha Yogi on the outskirts of Chennai. I was reluctant to meet him. My logic was that ours was a complex real world problem – 179 creditors, $ 1m+++ in debt, no work and no income in sight and no cash. How could worship and prayer repair our situation? Not that we had not tried those. We had. And nothing had really worked. But we still went to meet the Siddha Yogi because a close friend was insisting that we meet him.

We arrived on the appointed day and time at the Yogi’s place, some 35km from Chennai on the Bangalore Highway. I had expected to see a ochre-robe-wearing person with matted hair and flowing white beard. But the one who received us was wearing a lungi, a torn half-sleeved banian, had a stubble and was smoking a beedi! We were told that he charged nothing, did not ask for any money and spoke randomly – just the way thoughts came to him. So, as he received us, he said, “You have a debt problem. Embrace your debt. Accept it. It is trying to teach you something. Learn from it. Treat it like you would treat a guest at home – with respect and care. It will go away just the way it came, on its own!”

I was bewildered. So was my wife. “That’s it?,” I asked, wondering, “Is there any prayer or penance or ritual you would like us to undertake?”

The Yogi replied, repeating himself, in simple Tamil: “Embrace your debt. Accept it. It is trying to teach you something. Learn from it. Treat it like you would treat a guest at home – with respect and care. It will go away just the way it came, on its own!”

I remember coming out of that meeting in utter disbelief. How could a complex problem as the one I was faced with have such a simple solution? Besides, who would want to embrace their debt? It was a ghastly suggestion I thought. Why would anyone want to embrace whatever was causing them pain? Why would anyone want to embrace their problems?

Although I began thinking about it right away, it took me several months of resisting, suffering and refusing to accept my problem – which is the fact that we were bankrupt and were in deep, deep debt – to realize the value of what the Siddha Yogi had prescribed to me in just a few minutes. I had rejected his sage counsel because his solution was too simple and I felt it perhaps did not apply to my complex business – and Life – situation. But when I finally understood what he had told me, I found it very, very meaningful.

In saying what he did, the Siddha Yogi, had actually championed acceptance. He was saying that whatever be the situation that Life has placed you in, accept it. Because there is no way your situation is going to change even if you chose not to accept it. It is what it is. Always. What he said mirrored what the Buddha too has said: “Accept the pain.” When you accept whatever is causing you pain, you don’t suffer. And when you are not suffering you can deal with your pain, with whatever situation you are facing, with enormous clarity and focus.

True. Our business and Life situation is far from being repaired. But acceptance of our problem has given us the equanimity to deal with it daily. I have shared my learnings and experiences of this awakening into self-awareness in my Book – ‘Fall Like A Rose Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money’. An important and unputdownable learning is that complex problems need not necessarily have complex solutions. Simple solutions too exist. And often while those solutions don’t immediately solve a problem situation, they help deal with the situation – any situation – better!

Face Life unconditionally and you can endure anything

Whatever happens just don’t give up on Life!

There will be times when Life will be very, very challenging. You will feel defeated and deflated. But don’t ever give up. Because the entire essence of Life is to face whatever comes your way. It is your conditioning that makes you want only what you want. You want comfort, care, compassion, love, good health, money and, perhaps, an easy Life. But there are no guarantees that Life’s going to grant all that you want. So, often times, you will have to encounter huge discomfort in your surroundings, neglect, hatred, misunderstanding, cashlessness, disease and a very, very tough Life. You will believe that it’s impossible to live such a Life. You would want a way to end all your suffering. And the way to do that is not to give up on Life, but to accept the way your Life is, face it and live in the moment.

Maya Angelou (1928~2014)

Maya Angelou (1928~2014), American author and poet, who passed way yesterday, said it the best: “‘You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.’ In fact, the encountering may be the very experience which creates the vitality and the power to endure.” Her Life itself is a testimonial to human endurance – she having been raped at the age of seven and having had to face rejection and untold hardships to survive for many, many, many years.

I have always found great solace whenever I reflect on this quote of Maya’s. It says everything about Life. So simply.  

I am reminded of a lesson that my guruswami (the one who leads a group of pilgrims) shared with me on my first pilgrimage to Sabarimalai (the hill shrine of Lord Ayyappa in Kerala) years ago. He said that the climb was going to be very tough – it’s a distance of 5 kms up very steep (at one point up an almost 75-degree incline) hills, to be covered by foot. We would all suffer, he said, if we kept thinking of when the climb would end. “Instead keep your thoughts on the destination, with wanting to see the Lord. Feel the air in your lungs. Enjoy the scenery. Don’t think about the climb and you will be able to make it with great ease,” he advised. All your suffering comes when you think of what you are enduring and wish that you didn’t have to go through what you are going through. Instead feel the experience. Feel the pain, the sorrow, the uncertainty, the fear, the anxiety – feel everything without wishing it away. Through this continuous feeling, your ability to withstand anything, and endure, will be greatly enhanced. Your problems may not go away. But you will be able to deal with them better.

Life, I have understood, is just a string of experiences, from birth to death. As long as you do not impose conditions on what you are experiencing, at any given moment, no matter what, you can face it.

You decide what you want out of your problems

Your problems can lead you to either suffering or joy.  Problems causing joy? Is it possible at all? Indeed it is.

You, and only YOU, can decide what you want out of your problems. The immediate response to a problem situation is denial. And despite your denying, the problem doesn’t go away. So you start getting angry, frustrated, depressed and eventually start suffering. Does your problem go away with your suffering? It only breeds newer problems – physical ailments, depression, poor decision-making and a perpetual state of ‘grumpiness’!

Let’s get this straight. Problems will be there. Whether you like it or not. If you are born and are living__as we all are__your Life WILL have problems. The tenure and intensity of problems may vary, but there cannot be a time in your lifetime that you DO NOT have ANY problems! Since this is true, as you would have realized about your Life by now, what is so intelligent about grieving over your problems? Isn’t it far more a mature and intelligent response to think of your problems as an opportunity to challenge yourself__to find joy where others find suffering?

Take time to understand your situation, your predicament, from all dimensions. Understand further that you cannot solve anything in a nano-second and that sometimes you have to live with your problem. This acceptance will NOT take your problem away, but will help you deal with it better. When you operate from the core of your inner joy, you feel the pain, but you don’t suffer. If you have a physical condition you may be writhing in pain, but your sense of joy will not allow the pain to cripple your soul. If you are in an emotional trauma – someone dies, someone betrays you – your joy will not allow the loss, the deceit to affect your mindfulness. Not to say that your thoughts won’t go back to the one who is no more or pine for an understanding where a misunderstanding prevails, but you will be able to rein in your thoughts and look at “what is” than what should or would have been!

Of all the moments that make up your lifetime, it is this choice to find joy in times of suffering, that makes the difference between “living” those moments and “enduring” a lifetime!

From Mind to “No Mind”

Sometimes, just deluged with challenges, you think Life is a series of endless problems. But did you know that all your problems can be solved in a nanosecond? Just stop thinking of them as problems!!! 

There are no problems in Life. Really. There are merely Life situations – like a health challenge, a natural disaster, death of a loved one and failure with career or business or relationships despite all the integrity and effort. But a Life situation is labelled as a problem by the human mind. The mind keeps on churning out thoughts that look at Life situations or events and label them good or bad. We label an event or situation as bad when what has happened is not what we expected or thought we deserved. So, in effect, problems are caused by our thinking, by the mind. Which means if the mind took events and made them look and feel like problems, the same mind can get rid of the problems!

In a very theoretical way, if you can get rid of the mind, you can be free of problems. But this is not wordsmithing or spiritual theory alone. At one level, there is no mind. Mind is an imagination. There are only thoughts, 60,000 of them precisely (as proven by research), that arise within you each day. These are random, often disconnected, individual thoughts. When seen together they create the illusion of the mind. But really they are stand-alone thoughts. Think of this deeply. Someone you love dies. Now, a thought arises in you that says you cannot live without this person. So, you are plunged in grief. But what if this thought did not arise at all? What if the death was seen only as part of the cyclical Life pattern of birth and death? Or you lose your job. A thought in your mind tells you that without a job you will suffer because you will not have money to survive. But were you born with a job or money? What if you can reason out that you can survive the same way as you did when you were a child? Will you then be afraid and fearful of losing that job? So, if you examine Life closely, through these two example situations or through any other that you have encountered, you will find that death or job-loss or whatever else are mere events. The mind, the thoughts that arose within you, has made these events look and feel monstrous. Your mind, clearly, created your problems. Surely, if you had a way of ridding yourself of these thoughts, would you be tormented by these events at all?

So, the key to free yourself from your problems is to develop a temperament to distil your thoughts. You can’t not have thoughts. But you can surely develop the awareness, the discerning ability that reminds you, every step of your way, each time a debilitating thought arises, that Life is not a series of problems. It is just a series of events. Events get labelled as problems by your thinking. If you can remind yourself consistently to take each event, each moment as it comes, then your thoughts become insignificant and powerless. This is the state when there is “no mind” – it has become irrelevant, if not completely defunct! That is when you realize inner peace!

Acceptance makes dealing with problems simpler

Life is not a problem. But Life is full of them. Intelligent living is to know that Life’s problems cannot be wished away but have to be accepted. Problems can either be solved by you, by applying logic and intellect, or when you can’t solve them, you can allow them to be solved by Life, over time!

Fundamentally, problems become simpler __ even if not easier __ to manage when you accept them. But if you keep denying that there is a problem, then you are creating a conflict with both the problem and within yourself. Because one part of you is forcing you to see the problem and accept it. While another part is forcing you to deny its existence. Out of this denial, fear and insecurity is born.

Denial itself stems from lack of awareness. Denial is when you are arguing with Life. You are arguing because you expect Life to be fair, and so you believe that nothing “out-of-the-ordinary” is going to happen to you. But the truth may well be that “it” has happened to you. Why deny what has happened? Denial is not going to make a problem go away. In fact, it will breed fear, which itself is then a new problem to deal with. Of course,  accepting a problem is not going to make it disappear. But acceptance at least makes you peaceful – and through that inner peace, your ability to deal with the problem, or attempt solutions, is enhanced.

Let’s say, someone is finding no joy in her marriage. She suspects that her spouse is not “involved” in their Life anymore. But she continues to brush that thought away and “endures” the marriage. How happy do you think she will be? Her acceptance of the problem may or may not make the marriage any better, but will surely make her peaceful. This is not just true in this lady’s context, it applies to every situation in Life.

We create more problems for ourselves, in most situations, by wanting things to be different from what they are. Instead simply accept. Acceptance is empowering and liberating. While it may not make Life’s problems go away, it certainly enhances your ability to deal with them!

Allow yourself to be shaped by Life….!

Some years back, my good friend Rajmohan Pillai, seeing me in the throes of my Firm’s collapse and insolvency, gave me a profound piece of advice. He said: “Life will be full of problems. Don’t try to solve all your problems at the same time. Take each day as it comes and attempt solutions to the best of your ability. For the rest, just go with the flow.” When I first heard this advice, I was stumped by its simplicity. Is it that simple to deal with Life, I wondered. But, over these years, I have learned from experience that Rajmohan was on the ball. There indeed is no other way to live Life and to deal with the myriad situations that present themselves on a daily basis.

No one loves a problem. We all want to be problem-free. But that’s not how Life works. Life’s nature is to present you with a problem and get you to attempt solutions. In a way, Life’s playing with you and with each of us! As you progressively solve problems, newer ones will appear. And you will notice that the level of difficulty increases with each new problem __ pretty similar to the way our academic examinations are designed with an ascending level of difficulty through school and college. Now, there are some problems that you can solve. And there are those you can’t.. These ones, they sort themselves out over time. What’s interesting about the School of Life is that whether or not you solve problems, you will always learn. In a way, therefore, with each learning, you will continue to grow and evolve!

There’s a Taoist Zen story I remember reading: An old man accidentally fell into a river that had raging rapids leading to a high and dangerous waterfall. Onlookers feared for his Life. Miraculously, he came out alive and unharmed downstream – at the bottom of the falls. People asked him how he managed to survive. “I adjusted myself to the water and did not expect the water to accommodate and molly-cuddle me. Without thinking, I allowed myself to be shaped by it. Plunging into the swirl, I came out with the swirl. This is how I survived!”

Don’t always expect what you want to happen in Life. Know also that your Life will never be free of problems. But you can be free from them if you allow yourself to be shaped by Life. Be prepared to and learn to adjust to what’s happening to you. This is the only way to a lifetime of peace, learning and bliss!

An inspiration to make your Monday memorable

When Life seems a maze, when too many things are happening, when you feel overwhelmed with too much to do, too many people to please, when you just feel like wanting all that you are going through to end, or want to run away from it all….PAUSE, take a deep breath….and look for an inspiration that will put things back, and definitely your Life’s context, in perspective!

Anand and Ivy: A beautiful companionship

I found my inspiration this Monday morning in a recent issue of Open magazine. There’s a very moving story in it of a former Indian Navy officer Anand Singh, 59, and his wife Ivy. After a motorbike accident 23 years ago, Anand has been rendered completely special and has become immobile and is confined to his bed. Ivy, who had been married to him barely three years when the accident took place, has been caring for him all these years. She brushes his teeth and bathes him daily. What I could make out from the story is that Anand is unable to move his limbs or his body and is not even able to speak. Yet whenever he is asked who he loves most, he looks at Ivy. Ivy runs a school in Meerut where the couple live. Ivy confesses that she does feel despondent sometimes, especially when the thought of Anand not being with her for too long strikes her. Two months ago, Anand had to be on ventilator support for a few days. Although their home looks like an ICU, says Ivy to Open, she feels her Life would be incomplete without Anand.

The beautiful story of their companionship shook me awake! When I placed my Life and its challenges in the context of Ivy’s and Anand’s I actually felt guilty and sheepish. Often times we do get consumed by our problems that we obsess about them all the time. We pity ourselves and quickly plunge into depression. Or we take our angst out on people and things around us, forever being grumpy and angry with our worlds. Looking around and pausing to reflect on the lives of other people is the perfect antidote to self-pity and frustration. Each of our stories is unique. Each of us has problems. And the true nature of our lives is that they will go on despite our problems. Intelligent living is about us too going on with our lives, as they are, choosing to be happy, despite our circumstances!

Whatever it be that you are facing just now, pause, smile, and think of Anand and Ivy, and celebrate your Life, your love and theirs! That’s a sure way to make this Monday morning memorable!