Your ‘Mahamaham’ moment awaits you – not in Kumbakonam, but within you!

A dip in a ‘holy’ river or tank can never ‘cleanse’ you. Pausing, reflecting and awakening alone can.

A friend feverishly texted me on WhatsApp a few days ago. He’s close to me and believes that the financial challenges that my family and I are enduring, for close to a decade now, is directly related to my past karma – a ‘carry forward’ of sorts of ‘sins committed in a previous birth’. He furiously appealed to me I must make the pilgrimage to the Mahamaham tank in Kumbakonam and take a dip to ‘wash away all my bad karma, my sins’. “You will see an immediate change in your fortunes,” he insisted. I merely thanked him for his compassionate perspective and offered no justification for my choice not to accept his advice.

Mahamaham - Kumbakonam
Picture Courtesy: Internet

The Mahamaham is a Hindu festival that happens every 12 years in the Mahamaham tank in Kumbakonam, Tamil Nadu. I have no disrespect for the Mahamaham. Nor do I intend questioning its legend that’s drawing several millions in (what they think is) piety. Yet, I sincerely don’t believe a ritualistic dip, however ‘holy’ the site may be, can ever cleanse anyone. In his memorable 2003 classic, Anbe Sivam (Love is God), Kamal Hassan beautifully explains to his co-star Madhavan why the God within us – the Universal Energy that keeps us alive – must awaken for us to realize the magic and beauty of Life. That realization, to me, is the biggest awakening. And only an awakening from within can truly cleanse us.

To be sure, there is a Mahamaham moment waiting for each of us – provided we are ready and willing to understand Life and have seeker’s, a student’s, attitude. And that moment need not be at a temple tank, where millions are crowding with a herd mentality, throwing personal and public hygiene to the wind! My own Mahamaham moment happened in my living room, some time in 2007, when I was having my favorite Royal Challenge whisky, and was utterly bored with two other things I was trying to do at the same time – swap channels on TV hoping to find something interesting and make sense of the English translation of the Sai Satcharita, a book on the Life and teachings of Shirdi Sai Baba. My search for something meaningful on TV drew a blank. And I soon turned it off. My family had long gone to sleep. Even as I poured myself another drink, I tried – but failed miserably – to understand what the Sai Satcharita was trying to say – it will easily rank as among the most horrible works of translation ever, from the original Marathi to English! I put the book away. And I thought deeply about what Shirdi Baba had taught the world in his lifetime. In a Eureka-like flash, it dawned on me that the two principles around which all his teachings were anchored are – Shraddha, Faith and Saburi, Patience. To face Life and to overcome the challenges that you are faced with, I realized that, you must keep the faith and learn to be patient.

Over time, I employed this awakening very constructively, through my daily practice of mouna (silence periods), to understand the impermanence and inscrutability of Life. I learned that this is the only Life we have. And to live this Life well – and happily – we must train our mind to be in the present moment. In the now. I discovered that the way religion is practiced in the world today is that it encourages you and me to fear people (who peddle religion) than inspire faith in creation – that if you have been created without your asking to be born, then the same energy that created you will care for you, will provide for you. When there is fear, how can there be faith? When there is no faith, how can you be patient?   

This clarity is helping me live my Life with total inner peace, despite the storm that rages on outside, in my business, professional and material Life. This clarity makes me believe that a dip in an insanely crowded temple tank will hardly cleanse anything – not even your body, let alone your mind. I am more with Kabir, the 15^th Century weaver-poet, here. He said:

Kabir Man Nirmal Bhaya, Jaise Ganga Neer 

Pache Pache Har Phire, Kahat Kabir Kabir

Translation

Kabir Washed His Mind Clean, Like The Holy Ganges River

Everyone follows behind, Saying Kabir, Kabir

That is, Kabir urges us to remove all impurities from our mind, from our thinking process, thus letting the light of divinity to shine forth. Truly, there is divinity in each of us. That divinity is suppressed, lying buried under layers and layers of grief, guilt, anger, fear and such debilitating emotions. This is why we are searching for God outside of us. This is why we are running to a Mahamaham.

Seriously, you don’t need to wait for 12 years to scramble to a Mahamaham for cleansing yourself. Your Mahamaham moment awaits you if you can simply pause, reflect and awaken to the opportunity of cleansing your mind, of living in the now! 

Zen and the Art of Fearlessness

To be fearless, just ask yourself ‘what is it that you are afraid of losing’?

At a Talk that I delivered recently, a young lady asked me how to deal with insecurity and fear. She said she often spent long spells of time imagining stuff that could possibly happen to her – a pink slip, a health setback, a relationship problem, her son failing in school and such.

“I know it is stupid to be this way. But how does one get rid of ‘worst-case scenarios’ from your head,” she asked.

I, in turn, asked her: “What is the worst that can happen to you?”

She thought for a moment and replied: “Two things – either my son can die or I can die. Yes, these are my worst-case scenarios.”

My next question to her was this: “Is there anything that you can do to prevent these scenarios from ever happening in your Life?”

Again she thought about it deeply and exclaimed: “No. Seriously, noooooooooooo!”

I asked her: “So why worry and fear about something that you can’t prevent?”

And that is really how you get rid of worst-case scenarios in your head. To be sure, the human mind can beat any Bollywood screenwriter in terms of conjuring up unheard of, unfathomable, often fantasy-based scenarios. Some of them will necessarily torment you with worry, anxiety, insecurity and fear. There is a pretty simple way to deal with these debilitating emotions.

In every situation that makes me fearful, I ask myself what is the worst that can happen. And I tell my mind that I am ready and willing for that eventuality. For instance, in a matter relating to a police complaint filed against me, by my creditor, it had become evident that if the court disallowed my bail application, I would be arrested and remanded in custody. I asked my lawyer if there was a way out. He said that there was none since I did not have money to furnish a personal surety (a financial bond). This situation was unfolding in another city. Honestly, I was feeling very restless and fearful. So, I took a deep breath and called up Vaani. I briefed her of the logical, practical reality we were faced with. And then I told her, “Listen, I will stay strong where I am and wherever I have to go. You stay strong too. A way will be born soon.” Just that acceptance of whatever our reality was at that moment – that I will be arrested, so be it! – changed the way I felt. I became fearless. In another situation, when I was diagnosed with a possible life-threatening health condition, I considered the worst that could happen to me if we didn’t find the money to get a surgery done. I would die, I reckoned. The whole scenario of my impending death unfolded in my mind’s eye and I actually started smiling. Of course, all of us will die, I remember thinking. “And this was perhaps my time to die,” I had concluded. That thought actually made me feel lighter – and totally fearless. From then on, whenever I am faced with any no-go situation – and I have to deal with several of them each week – I remind myself that “I was once even prepared to die”. Whenever I do this, my fear always slinks away.

An additional perspective: to me faith is not about deifying an idol or a place of worship. I implicitly trust the Higher Energy – some call this divinity – that shapes our ends and guides our lives. I know that I will – my family included – be provided for, taken care of and given whatever we need. To me my faith in myself, in Vaani, in this Higher Energy is the light that shows the way whenever the road ahead is dark and fearful. And I know, just as you do, that while light can drive away darkness, darkness can never drive away light! So, when there is faith, how can there ever be fear? 

Non-worrying is happiness

Don’t try to analyze your Life and try to discover, define and decide what will make you happy. Just stop worrying. Period. That will make you happy!

Yesterday I addressed some managers at a healthcare company. One of them had this question: “How do you stay happy consistently?” His point was that with all the pulls and pressures of everyday Life, while there is a “deep interest and intention in wanting to be happy”, often times, “one loses the plot”.

I agree with him. Happiness is a 24 x 7 job. It requires consistent focus. If your attention strays from being, being happy and content with what is, you will turn unhappy! You will then become a victim of the people or circumstance that govern your Life.

The simplest way to be happy is to practise “non-worrying”. It is a beautiful word – “non-worrying”! Happiness is not the absence of worry. To imagine a Life where there will be no worry is impractical. As long as thoughts arise – and they will keep arising at the rate of 60,000 a day, as long as you are alive – in the human mind, you cannot expect a worry-free Life. So the state where there is a total absence of worry will never be achieved in anyone’s lifetime. What can be striven for and achieved is a state of “non-worrying”.

“Non-worrying” means that when a worry arises in your mind, you simply let it pass. Anything that you don’t attend to will not bother to. This is the Tamil month of aadi. This is the month when the population of flies will multiply – particularly in humid conditions in Chennai. Even the cleanest five-star properties in Chennai will not be spared by the flies. So, if you walked into a swank coffee shop and found a couple of flies on the tables there, you will not make a hue and cry. You will simply ignore their sight and presence thinking to yourself, “well, this is India, this is Chennai, this is common occurrence” and move on. “Non-worrying” means treating the worry that arises as you would treat a housefly. Accept that it exists, accept that you can’t do anything about it and move on. A worry controls you only when you feed it with your attention. It controls you only when you allow it to control you. Just ignore it. Let it be. And you be too. When you make a worry powerless, it will simply recede – the same way it arose in the first place.

Of course, the human mind, like the human body, must be trained to practise “non-worrying”. And that’s what requires 24 x 7 practise, consistently! When you master the art of “non-worrying”, you will simply be, well, happy!

Worrying kills us faster than we think it does

Don’t die each day worrying about solving all the problems you have and fearing you have very little time left for you to live!

Remember: there was a world before you and there will be one after you are gone. One of the favorite obsessions we have is to worry. We worry not only about the day-to-day challenges that confront us but agonize over everything that’s wrong with the world! We worry about our finances, our relationships, our health, our lives; even as we worry about the way our communities think, our neighbors behave and the way our countries are governed. Worrying kills us faster than we think it does.

In fact, we die a small death, each time we worry. Because that time could have been spent wisely__LIVING. And there are only two ways to LIVE without worrying: 1. Accept your Life and your world for what it is and/or 2. Take immediate action to remedy the situation that’s worrying you. It is when we do neither that we die. And, believe me, the tragedy is that most of us are subconsciously worrying all day, each day of our Life. Over a period of time, this subconscious mental activity has become an integral part of us. Years of worrying have created an imaginary belief in us that without us, the world, at least our world,  will come to a standstill. That’s when we must twiddle our toes to remind ourselves that the ‘I’ within each of us is powerless. Imagine, you think of twiddling your toes. And your toes twiddle. How did the instruction get transmitted in a nano-second from your CPU, your head, to the event-site, your feet? And if you think YOU managed that, think again.

Consider this: Did you create yourself? Did your mind develop because of you? What if you had been created with a manufacturing defect that disallowed you from twiddling your toes? To be sure, several hundreds of thousands of people on this planet cannot twiddle their toes. Recognize that you are a nobody__just as I am. We are just fellow-farers. Albert Einstein invites us to look at ourselves from a cosmic angle if we want to place our lives__and our worries__in the right perspective. He says, “When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint; something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about.”

So, quit worrying. Only then will you stop dying – and start living! Enjoy the scenery as you travel instead of agonizing over the seat not reclining or the arm rest not being comfortable on this amazing once-in-a-lifetime bus ride called Life!

Eat the strawberry or stop complaining – either way choose to be happy!

Focus on what is happening than on what was happening or what will happen.

Distractions in our Life come from two sources. The past. And the future. There’s no worry about the present moment. Because you are in it already! There’s no choice with the present. This is where we can be happy.

But while we want to be happy, we don’t recognize the opportunity to be happy when it comes in front of us. The truth is we don’t know how to be happy. We like to indulge in self-pity and in worrying. So, we conveniently exercise the debilitating choice of slipping into the past or moving into an imaginary future state. Neither of which is in our control. The past is over, it HAS HAPPENED. It is dead. The future is still TO HAPPEN, it is the unknown. Anything can happen and not necessarily what you imagine. So, stay in the present. Stay here knowing fully well that you CANNOT stop the worries from coming to you. What you can do is STOP WORRYING!

Worries are like waves. Their job is to keep coming to the shore. Come, crash, ebb, recede, resurge, come, crash, ebb….this is a non-stop cycle. So will your worries keep coming to you, non-stop. Their job is to keep coming at you. You will have to learn to be unmoved. Don’t try to be untouched though. Because the nature of a worry is like the wave, it will drench you if you are standing at the shore. But don’t be influenced by it. Remain unmoved. And that you can achieve by focusing on what is happening. Worrying from a guilt or a burden from the past or fearing the unknown future is going to take away the beauty of the moment you are in. 

There’s this Zen story called ‘Cliffhanger’ that should help us understand the power of being in the NOW. One day while walking through the wilderness a man came across a vicious tiger in his path. He ran for his Life but soon came to the edge of a high cliff. Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled over the precipice. As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing at the vine. Suddenly, he noticed, on the vine, a plump wild strawberry. He plucked it and popped it in his mouth. It was incredibly delicious, he thought, and enjoyed himself! Imagine, the man had the following options: 1. Continue to hate the Tiger, his past, at the moment, that had, in a way, led him to his present. 2. Fear the mice for what they were about to do to the vine and worry about the future__for his Life. 3. Eat the strawberry and celebrate the moment’s delicious opportunity. He chose the third. This is the secret of intelligent living. To make the right choice.

Remember: Life’s offering us delicious strawberries even as the tigers from our past are chasing us and the mice are chewing away and possibly ruining what we imagine to be our future. Know that the tigers can’t come down to the present__they are only there to haunt us. And that the mice can’t do anything to stop you from enjoying the strawberry, if you decide to eat them! The simple non-negotiable reality is that if you want to be happy, you must eat the strawberry, you must ACCEPT WHAT IS. And if you don’t like strawberries, then, please stop complaining about the lack of happiness in your Life!

Experience freedom from what possesses you

Superstition and premonition always lead to fear and worry. Or just the opposite may happen too.

These are signs of a weak person, one that is not self-aware. The ones with courage are the ones that know themselves. And if you know yourself, why do you need to lean on a crutch __ a talisman, a fear, a ring or a number? Almost all of us have a good luck charm, a lucky number, and believe in something, often absurd, that we have been conditioned to. Nobody wants to have anything to do with the number 13 for instance. Or we prefer our favorite colors or numbers. There’s a view some people hold that if you bang into a piece of furniture when you are leaving to get something important accomplished, you must treat that as an early warning sign of something terrible that’s on its way. People that champion a scientific temperament will reason against this, intensely. And which is why those who want to believe in superstitions and premonitions will resist the scientific arguments, however reasonable they may be. But here’s a simpler take. If everything is an event in this lifetime, a mere data point, including your birth and your impending death, and since the soul is imperishable, eternal, then what consequence does a furniture that comes in the way or a cat crossing your path or a mere number have?

In anyone’s Life, two aspects are absolutely not dispensable:  birth and death. Now birth is without choice and death is unavoidable. What else is important when these two dimensions of your Life are inscrutable? The people who champion superstition and acknowledge premonition are those who want to live in fear and misery. And because they feel lonely, they want to drag you with them to provide them company! Try letting go of what clutches you in its stranglehold. Experience freedom from what possesses you. Enjoy being liberated. It’s a beautiful world out there. And a stumble here, a fall there, a number here and a cat there, can make no difference to you, if you choose to feel the air in your lungs and the wind on your face; being present in this, the only certain, happening, available, magnificent, miraculous moment of your Life!

The mind holds the key to your physical fitness

When you are anchored in inner peace, your body functions the best.

Swami Parthasarathy
Photo Courtesy: Mid-Day/Internet

This morning’s The New Indian Express (TNIE) carries a story of Swami Parthasarathy playing cricket. Parthasarathy, now 88, was once a businessman and is now a corporate guru who teaches managers to live intelligently! He lectures frequently on the Bhagavad Gita and runs Vedanta World, a learning academy in Malavli, near Pune. Sharing the key to his fitness, he told TNIE: “When you don’t worry about the past and don’t get anxious over the future, you stay fit.”

This is such a simple, beautiful, perspective. Yet this philosophy eludes most of us. Because we have come to somehow believe that our lives are complex and so only a complex solution can help rid us of our problems. Resultantly, we keep waiting for a perfect future, where there will be no problems and we can live happily ever after. The truth, however, is that there is and can never be a perfect future – you can never have a Life that is free from problems. All you can and must do is to live your present perfectly. What prevents this from happening is the mind. It draws you into grief, anger and guilt over the past and into anxiety and worry over the future. So, you are never present in the now. The now is perfect. It is what it is, the way it is. But you are not here. You are brooding or you are worrying. So you are besieged with lifestyle-related ailments – diabetes, hypertension, stress, cholesterol and such. What is a lifestyle ailment? Anything that is an outcome of the Life you lead. So, if you can train your mind not to worry and if your Life can be a continuous celebration of a series of present moments, your body will be fit and you can enjoy the pleasures of a good, productive Life.

I don’t say this from a philosophical perspective alone. I have been there – so I know what it means to be trapped in an unhealthy lifestyle situation. And I have experienced the power of transforming my Life by changing the way I think. I once had a tobacco habit and was obese. And I am both diabetic and hypertensive. When I understood the role the mind played in my physical condition I worked on training my mind. Over time, I have learned to rein in my mind and now know how to stay focused on the present. I have since shed my excess weight and have been able to keep my key physical markers under check. I did this through the practice of daily silence periods – mouna. So, I know that you too can do this. Your method may be different depending on what works for you. But I want to reiterate that it is both possible to train the mind and, therefore, stay fit. It doesn’t matter what industry you work in or the hours you keep. You just need to be willing to be the change that you want to see in you!

Inner peace is not elusive. It is not complicated. If you stop imposing conditions on the way your Life must be, and instead accept it for what it is, you will start living, than merely existing. When you live fully, in the present moment, you will experience inner peace and you will see the magic and beauty of a healthier, happier Life!

Mind to no-mind: the art of taming your drunken monkeys

To enjoy Life and to live each moment fully move from mind to no-mind.  

We have all been conditioned to believe that the human faculty to think is what differentiates us from other forms of creation. Undoubtedly it does. But the human mind is also responsible for causing all our suffering. The nature of the mind is that it keeps generating thoughts. And the other fact is that the mind thrives only in the past or in the future. But either position is irrelevant in the present moment. Which is why it serves no purpose for the mind to be in the past – which is dead, which is over – or to imagine a future – that is still unborn, yet to arrive. Life is always happening in the present moment, in the now. So, when we listen to the mind, we are missing living in the moment. We are missing the beauty and magic of Life.

In Buddhism, the mind is referred to as the Monkey Mind. This is to emphasize the point that there is a constant churn of thoughts, most of them unsettling in nature, that is happening in the undisciplined mind. With a mind that is steeped in anger, grief, guilt, fear, anxiety, worry and such wasteful, debilitating thoughts, where is the opportunity to live in the moment? One Buddhist scripture quotes the Buddha even describing the mind thus: “The human mind is like a drunken monkey that has been stung by a bee.” This is so apt. So powerful a metaphor that I can totally relate to.

The mind is powerless in the present. So, when you are trying to relax, for instance, watching TV or a sunset, the mind will remind you of a sunset that you watched with your girlfriend. And your thoughts will go to a time in the past that is so painful because your girlfriend and you had a messy break-up. Or it will drag you into the future, to a worry about some unpaid bills and the lack of cash to meet them – which includes not being able to pay for your DTH TV connection coming due next week! When your mind wanders, it will stop being in the present. So will you. Which is why all of us are leading incomplete lives – lost in mourning about the past or worrying incessantly about the future. This is why we suffer. Since we cannot undo what has happened nor can we tell what will happen, we are either pining for something is not there or we are fearing something which we believe will happen to us. Both these thoughts cause our agony and suffering.

I have, over time and consistent practice, learnt to tame the drunken monkeys in my mind. I do this by having conversations with the monkeys. Every time a monkey starts jumping around in my mind, I talk to the monkey. For instance, whenever I think of someone who has betrayed me or has been unkind to me, Anger Monkey starts jumping up and down. I ask Anger Monkey, “What’s the point in your getting excited. It’s all over.” The Anger Monkey replies, “But you were cheated, you were pissed on and passed over. You must avenge.” I would say, “I am not interested. Why do you insist?” Anger Monkey would reply: ‘So that they (my detractors) don’t get the feeling that they got away with doing what they did to you.” I would conclude, “Let them. I am happy not wanting to prove anything to anyone or teach anyone a lesson.” That would be it. And I would go back to living my Life without the least trace of anger or vengeance in me. But, as I said, this attitude is something you cultivate with practice. This is true for every monkey in your mind – from Fear Monkey to Guilt Monkey to Worry Monkey.

To expect thoughts – the drunken monkeys – not to arise in your mind is futile. As long as you are alive your mind will be churning out thoughts. Intelligent living is the ability to tame the drunken monkeys and make them powerless by staying in the present. This then is the state of no-mind. Try to be in this state for as long as possible each day. That’s the only way to not be held hostage by the past or be fearful of the future. That is the only way to live in the now!

Budhhahood is a great pain reliever

Every pain, every unresolved relationship situation, every wound, is a disguised opportunity for enlightenment.

There’s a Buddha in you, in me, waiting to awaken. And extraordinary pain, believe me, is not a sign of your past sins and retribution happening to you, as some would want you to believe, but is a sign of extraordinary grace waiting to enter your Life. This entering of grace is what is called enlightenment. It is a state of being and not an event that happens at a specified time at a specified, glorified venue, like,  under a tree. For Gautama, it happened under the Bodhi Tree. For you it can well happen on a potty or at 30000 ft. while you are flying! Buddhahood is a state you will realize, you will awaken to, when you look deeply at what is causing you pain – and understand your pain. Whatever is, look at it intensely. Your first, human and normal, tendency is to resist pain. Instead embrace it. Invite it to tell you why it has arrived in your Life. And it will always tell you why. Be honest. Because pain is not like worry. It is not an imposter. It is a teacher. Initially, you will find external reasoning very powerful to the cause of your pain. As in, he cheated me. So I am in pain. She led me up the garden path, hence I am in pain. My competitor chose unethical means and so my business couldn’t cope and I lost all my money. Instead of apportioning the blame to an external agent, a foreign hand, ask yourself what have you done to have invited this situation? When you know how you invited pain into your Life, your learning will be complete. Jalaluddin Rumi, the 13^th Century, Persian poet says, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” When this awakening happens, you will be able to live with your pain, yet without suffering from it!

In reality, pain is powerless. If you look deeply at whatever is causing you pain at the moment and stay in this moment, in the now of reality, your mind will not even report the pain. The mind always exists in a past grief or a future worry. In the face of reality, the mind is inactive. Which is why people champion the power of now! So, if you want to profit from your pain, it is possible, by choosing to be aware. Something or someone is perhaps your source of pain, but by not understanding your pain, you are inviting it to stay over longer. All you need to do is look at it intensely, ask what have you done to have invited it over, internalize the learning and watch the pain just leave you alone! This state is called Buddhahood. And Buddhahood, indeed, is a great pain reliever! 

You can’t enjoy a sunrise if you think about your nightmares

Don’t avoid worry. Understand it.

In the time that you spend worrying, you are missing living! You cannot do both at the same time. You can either live. Or you can worry. If you are worrying, be sure, you may be alive, breathing, seeing and doing, but you are not living! The nature of the human mind is that it will keep churning thoughts incessantly and most of them will be about your worries. If you want to stop worrying, then that want may now become a new worry!

Instead understand why you worry in the first place. You worry about things, people, events, money, health, relationships, jobs, because you want them in your control or you want to know more about them or both. And when you are unable to do any of that, you worry. You say that you want a job. Is that a worry? Hardly. Will you get that job? Now, that’s a worry: because you want to control the outcome of your want and you want information about the future. My wife has gone to meet a friend. Is that a worry? Not really. But who is that friend? It is this greed for the detail, for that information, that will spawn a worry. And then the issue is no longer about the wife meeting the friend, it is about the gender of the friend and then it morphs into another, new, horrific worry: Is my wife cheating on me?

How do you contain this human urge to want to control what’s going on and/or keep seeking information on what’s going on? The simple truth is, you can’t. So, wanting to stop worrying is an improbable vision to begin with. What you can do, however, is to attempt living. When you are filling out your job application, for instance, why do you worry about the outcome of the effort? Focus on the application you are preparing. Pour your heart into it. Don’t let your mind wander. Bring it to attend on the only, supremely important, singular task at that moment in your Life, the job application. You will never enjoy a sunrise if you keep thinking about your nightmares. Even if you are at the most beautiful resort in the Pacific, you will not even see the sun rise if you are not present in that moment.

The cure to worrying is like the cure to diabetes. Once a diabetic, always a diabetic. At best, you can astutely manage your diabetes with your strict diet and exercise regimen. Even a day’s, or even a meal’s complacency or indulgence, can spike your sugar levels. So it is with worrying. You cannot stop worrying. Period. But you can always start living. When you live, in the present, no worry can plague you! Will you please live, worry-free, today, a day that has been crafted exquisitely for you? 

Learn to trust Life and go follow your bliss!

Don’t postpone living – go do what you love doing and Life will take care of your bills and responsibilities!  

Yesterday, our neighbor visited us and we spent a good hour chatting about Life. His family has been going through a lot of challenges. His wife has been bed-ridden for over two years now. She’s had several orthopedic challenges with respect to her lower limbs. She’s already been through four surgeries and the prognosis is that she can walk with support only in a few more months. Meanwhile, my neighbor too was felled by a rare disease that paralyzed his muscles, and he had to spend over a month in hospital and six months recovering at home. Now that he’s much better, my neighbor, who’s in his late 50s, told us, “I want to spend the rest of my Life doing what I love doing. This experience has taught us that we must live our lives fully and enjoy every moment. In fact, thanks to my stay at the hospital, I have learned to even love my physical limitations and challenges.”

My neighbor makes a very valid point. Most of us postpone living, hoping that we can “some day” live the Life that we want. The moot question is when is that “some day” going to arrive? The truth is that if you expect that day to arrive in the future it never will – because when you reach a milestone you have set for yourself, a new one will entice you. For instance, if at 20 you decide that you will make a million dollars, by the time you are 30, to secure your finances and then go to do what you love doing, chances are you will either make that million or you won’t. If you don’t, you will want to continue to keep trying and so you will push your “do-what-I-love-doing” deadline to 40. And if you do, you will want to make some more money, to feel more secure – because more the money, more the insecurity! Or finally when you are ready, your family responsibilities will weigh you down – either your parents need looking after or your spouse needs support or your kids need financial assistance. Or simply, after you turn 50, after over 30 years of running the rat race, earning a living, raising a family, meeting targets and working hard, you are just exhausted. You don’t want to take “any risks”. And this is how, sadly, Life gets postponed.

There is no better day than today to start living the Life you want. You can either postpone living and keep suffering work and Life situations that you abhor or you can simply take the plunge and live the Life you want to – doing what you love doing. I talk from experience. Though I decided at age 29 that I will follow my bliss, it wasn’t until I turned 36 that I discovered what gave me joy. But over the last 11 years I have stood my ground – despite the gravity of my financial challenges – choosing to do only what I love doing and where I can create value. In this time, while money has been virtually non-existent, Life has taken care of all that I need. So, from the Life I have and what I have seen, I will always champion that when you know what gives you joy – just go do it. Don’t worry or feel insecure. Know that if you have been created, you will be taken care of and provided for. Learn to trust Life and go follow your bliss!

Life is a limited period offer. The Buddha has famously said: “The trouble is you think you have time”. This is so true. Which is why we naively keep postponing living. It is important that we pause and reflect on our lives from time to time. And no better time to do it than today – this Monday, now! Ask yourself – What  am I running around for? What do I really love doing? And what am I doing about it? Hopefully, your answers will awaken you to a Life of joy and you will go do what you want to do in the time that you still have left. When you let go, and live your Life without postponing it, Life will take care of you in ways in which you can’t even fathom!

Give your attention to what's more important than to what comforts you

Whatever we give attention to in Life grows.

You and I are who we are because of what we have focused on. If we have dwelt on mundane issues, we will be stuck in the rut. If we have looked at the magic and beauty of Life, we will be surrounded by people, events and scenarios that make us happy. For you to understand how this works, you must know what's important for you in Life. And you must shift your attention to those things, those pursuits that are really important. When you look at the roads, the unpicked garbage and the street people or when you read the headlines about selfish, corrupt people you will end up being cynical. This cynicism will grow. Making you bitter and angry. Instead, if you focus on the good that people do each day to make your Life possible with a degree of comfort you have chosen, you will find gratitude welling up within you. This gratitude will make you both peaceful and prosperous. If you focus on how it’s possible for your child to go astray in this big, bad world, that feeling of insecurity will chew you up. It will haunt you even in your sleep. Instead if you focus on the joy of having brought a new Life into this world, through you, and allow that goodwill to grow within you, you will see your child as a wholesome individual charting her own path in this world.

In Life, all things you seek and that comfort you are mundane at one level: the money you have, the control you think you have on your circle of influence, the respect you get from society and other such similar stuff. And yet what you have and don't think of always are the most important at another level: this Life, your family, the ability to touch, see, feel, hear, express....Give your attention to what's more important than to what comforts you. You will then invite abundance unlimited into your Life!

Choose happiness over worry or sorrow in each moment

Don't try to make meaning out of Life. Make your Life meaningful.

Don't dismiss Life as a game of Snakes and Ladders where you will always be getting the Snakes. Nor is it a game of Chess where you are a mere pawn. Life is such an inscrutable experience that it has a mind of its own, an agenda of its own and has a pace of its own. So, you will find it dealing you a hard blow when you least expect it or it will give you a bounty when you have completely lost all hope. When we label Life as "terrible, a pain, agonizing" in the first instance, or, when we call it, "benevolent, fortunate, gracious" in the second one, we are trying to make meaning out of it. Either meaning will disappoint.

Life is like water in your palm. It is not going to be there forever, and definitely not in the same way that it once was. So, the only way to make Life meaningful is to do something that makes you happy each day. Choose happiness over worry or sorrow in each moment. In the toughest of situations, you will find a reason to smile. Choose that moment to cling on and claw your way back. Once you have learnt this method, you can then start making Life meaningful in more ways__by touching other lives. Be there for people. Offer your time, your shoulder and your helping hand. Know that only you can make your Life meaningful. Because it's your Life. If you don't find any meaning in your Life, to your Life, it's only because you have not exercised the option to be happy or you have not reached out to touch another Life. Think about it. It will make a lot of sense!

Living prayerfully

Make your Life your prayer. And you will be soaked in peace.

The popular notion that we have, thanks to our upbringing and conditioning, is that prayer is an action that requires a time, a place and certain necessary and sufficient conditions. Each religion preaches worship through prayer differently. Therefore, while all of us have become adept at prayer, and praying, we have become completely incapable of living our lives meaningfully! Even when in prayer, the mind is distracted, often anxious, fearful and disturbed! How can merely, mechanically, by rote, chanting a mantra or reciting a hymn, compensate for intelligent living?

This is my humble, personal view. Over the years, I have learned that your entire Life, the way you live, think and work, can be prayer if you understand that this lifetime is a gift and that you must forever be grateful to Life for this experience! Choosing forgiveness over angst, love over hatred, postponing worrying than postponing happiness, serving others over seeking deservance for yourself, practising gratitude over harboring expectations and making each moment count are all ways in which you can live your Life prayerfully. When you do this, repeatedly, over days and months and years, you become the peace that you seek. This doesn’t mean that Life will not serve you any more problems. Problems – perhaps even complex ones – will always be there. But you will be able to deal with each of them effectively and efficiently, because you are now anchored in peace.

It is only because you relegate peace and prayer to a specific time, and do it with a ritualistic obsession and not with soulful fervor, that you are unable to escape fear, worry, anxiety, guilt, grief and suffering. But if you make your Life your prayer, always being grateful for all that you have, you will always be at peace – with yourself and your world! 

To meditate is to learn to live meaningfully all the time

Learning to live in the moment is when you can bring your mind to attend to that moment and not to your worries or your fears.

Whenever I share this perspective with people they immediately equate it to their experiences with meditation which they must have tried at some point or the other. And they quickly conclude that because they do not do meditation anymore, they continue to struggle with their lives. Or there are others who say they struggle despite meditating for an hour daily! 

Conceptually, there is a problem here. You don’t schedule a mediation. It is not a session. You just meditate. Meditation is just mindfulness. Awareness. Alertness. Just being. When you have reached the point of staying in the now, doing whatever you are doing, consciously, then you have begun meditation. It is the ability to be present. Because the present moment is all that you have. Meditation need not be done at a particular time of the day or at a particular venue. It is the continuous, conscious feeling of being in the present. If you are peeling onions, do it with full awareness. Then you are meditating. If you are drawing up an excel sheet and crunching numbers for tomorrow’s meeting, you are meditating. Now, that’s the quality you have to bring into every living moment – which is, immersing yourself in whatever activity you are doing without letting your mind wander. This also applies to tasks you have to do, even though you don’t like doing them much. For example, I don’t like book-keeping and accounts. But I have to do it. There’s no one I have who can help me with that. I postpone it all month. Then, one day, I just do it. Fully. Without hating it. I love it the day I do it. And then I feel liberated. That’s the power of living in meditation.

I learnt this technique through the practice of ‘mouna’ or silence periods. I began by first practicing it at a particular time each day. But over years of practice, now I can slip into ‘mouna’, anywhere, anytime __ even at a busy traffic intersection or in a crowded airport or in a boring meeting. I trigger my awareness by slipping into my ‘mouna’ spells. I choose to be silent at these times and it floods me with a sublime energy instantaneously that helps me see each situation or circumstance in which I am placed with amazing clarity. Often when my mind works up to worrying, my auto-pilot, the ‘mouna’ switch embedded in my mind, gets self-activated and awareness steps in to remind me to let go of my ruinous emotions and focus on the miracle of the moment. To meditate is to learn to live meaningfully all the time.

Here’s a Zen story illustrating the same point. A Japanese warrior was captured by his enemies and thrown into prison. That night he was unable to sleep because he feared that the next day he would be interrogated, tortured, and executed. Then the words of his Zen Master came to him, "Tomorrow is not real. It is an illusion. The only reality is now." Heeding these words, the warrior became peaceful and fell asleep. Now, many of us will have a problem with this story and its lesson. Some will say, that it is defeatist. Others will say that it is impractical. How can you sleep soundly with an impending catastrophe tomorrow? That really is the problem. When you think of a past that is over, and of a future that is yet to arrive, then, you are really not present in the moment. All your Life’s challenges, fears and insecurities come to torment you only because you are absent from the now. Just learn to do one thing at a time. As an old Japanese saying goes, if you try to catch two rabbits at the same time, you will get none. If you want to worry, worry incessantly. Then don’t aspire for peace. If you want to fear the future, then fear totally. Don’t hope for that fear not to come true. But if you want to be happy, drop the worry, stop fearing and just be. That really is what meditation is all about.

Postpone worrying, not happiness

Learning not to worry does not mean you are irresponsible. It means you are sensible!

Worrying is a dangerous occupation. It robs you of the present. One simple way to learn to avoid worrying is to know, to understand, to accept that whatever is due to happen will happen. No matter what. Your worrying about something is not going either make it happen or prevent it from happening.

As you grow and evolve, chances are you will learn this fine art of not worrying. But people around you will not necessarily be at your same level, on the same wavelength. They will keep reminding you that because you are not worrying about something, a grave misfortune is due to follow. Or they will chide you for being irresponsible. Please don’t pander to such views. Worrying cripples you and induces fear. Not worrying is not being irresponsible. In fact, when you stop worrying about something and focus, you will find ways to deal with that something.

Most of us postpone happiness because we are busy worrying. But try this when a worry arises in you the next time. Examine the worry intensely. Ask yourself if your worrying about that specific situation is likely to solve it. Obviously, as you will be quick to realize, it is not. So, do the next best thing – postpone the worry. And concentrate on doing something more productive with your time. Do this over and over again. Day after day. In some time, for sure, you will be happier than you have ever been.

Why “re-believing” in Life and in people is an imperative!

After being through a painful episode, “re-believing” in Life may be difficult – but not impossible. It is an imperative too!

After the launch of my book, “Fall Like A Rose Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money”, readers have been writing in – sharing their Life stories and perspectives. It is beautiful. It is humbling.

One reader writes saying her friend has become “commitment-phobic” after he lost money in the stock market 15 years ago, following which his family left him because they lost faith in his ability to provide for them. For several years, the man locked himself up in a room, refusing to come out, refusing to face people and Life. Thanks to some caring friends, he has begun to pick up the pieces of his Life recently. He has found himself a job, but he still struggles with dealing with people and is very, very fearful of the consequences of his choices and actions. “How can he find an anchor, how can he be normal again, leading a Life that’s happy and free from fear,” asks the reader.

Any pain in Life can cause trauma and can be debilitating. But after the first impact of pain, the suffering that follows is optional – and is always a result of your grief that the pain is there and your desire that the pain must not be there. I have been through such suffering. As I have recounted in my book, when my business failed and I was not able to honor my commitment to repay what I owed my family, my mother called me a cheat. I was devastated. For years I wished that what had happened had not really happened. But through my mouna (silence periods) sessions, I discovered that clinging on to the dead past was futile. I realized that if my mother held such a view, it was based on her perceptions of my reality. I became aware that I could not control what she – or anyone – thought of me. So, when some people – including a few “close” friends – cast aspersions on my integrity or my ability to honor my commitments – I no longer grieve. Nor do I see a need to clarify my position or prove my honesty – not anymore. Nor do I think that the whole world is cold, wicked and insensitive. In fact, I have found the world to be full of beautiful, kind, compassionate, understanding and forgiving people. Those who pass judgment, I have found, are few and I have learnt to forgive them – for, as the Bible says, they know not what they do – and move on. This way, I have learnt to let go of the past and have been able to avoid suffering, even while there is often acute, intense pain.

Suffering and fear chew us up. They exist only because we are living in the past even as we keep worrying incessantly about the future. The key is to develop infinite faith in yourself – that despite the odds, despite what others say, you will last this trial and will prevail in the end. Even as the faith in yourself takes root, simply let go of everything that holds you back – forgive yourself and forgive others too!

I believe my reader’s friend needs to realize too that nothing can be done to undo the past. We can’t go back in time and turn back the stock market crash. He may be able to make (and recover) his money through other means, but that event cannot be undone. It has happened. It’s over. So it is with his family leaving him. They have done what they have done. No amount of his grieving can change the way they treated him. And because of these experiences if he chooses to be wary of people, he, and only he, is responsible for his suffering. If a few people are unkind to you, it doesn’t mean all of humanity lacks a conscience and is insensitive. In fact, if he lets go of his past, he will find that he’s surrounded by people who care for him – including this reader who’s trying to help him – and who will hold his hand and heart as he rebuilds his Life.

In the end, no matter what you are put through, no matter how scarred you are by your painful episodes in Life, no matter how traumatic dealing with pain may have been for you, you, and only you, can stop your suffering. And you can do that by simply leaving the past as it is. Just let it go. Then you will find that “re-believing” in Life and in people is possible. “Re-believing” in Life is an imperative. You can keep avoiding it – but as long as you do that, you will continue to suffer. So, let go, “re-believe” in Life and find lasting inner peace and happiness.

Let your child live and learn from Life's experiences

Our children have lives of their own. No matter how much we worry for them, they still have to live out their lives.

A friend recently shared that though her young adult daughter was greatly interested in theatre, she was not letting her join her college’s theatre group because she felt one of her daughter’s classmates was making passes at her (the daughter). The mother confessed that she was worried stiff for the “future” of her daughter.

I believe worrying for our children comes naturally to us parents. But we have to learn to let go.

In our friend’s case, she must appreciate the fact that, naturally, a grown-up, young adult, woman will attract the attention of class-fellows. And that she must trust her daughter to be able to handle any advances, that she may or may not be interested in, appropriately. She can’t forsake her daughter’s interest in something she’s passionate about for the sake of her (the mother’s) perceived peace of mind. Honestly, for how long, and from how many people and things, can we protect our children? When they are in their early teens or younger, we can direct them and have them follow us. But, as they grow older, they will have to be allowed to touch and feel Life, they will want to make choices – some of which will not be acceptable or may not seem correct to us as parents – and they will want to experience Life at their own terms. I strongly believe we must not interfere with the learning curve of our children. While we must always champion what’s the right way to do something, we cannot and must not expect them to accept our view immediately. We must have faith that they will see our point (if we have an objective one, that is) – when they have tried, tested, fallen, failed and learnt from their experience.  

Our children are born through us. And not for us. This is not an original thought – this is what the venerable Lebanese-American poet and writer Khalil Gibran (1883~1931) has said over a century ago. And this is so true now, as it was then. The lives of our children are distinctly different from our own. We imagine that they are intertwined because in the first 15 years of a child’s Life, as parents, we are providers, protectors, planners and directors. So, by force of habit, we get into the control mode as soon as our children want to go out and explore the world. Two forms of worry are intrinsically seeded in us parents – one is that we don’t want our children to make the same mistakes that we made or live the hard lives we have had to live; and the other is that we don’t want them to suffer at all. Now, both worries may be justified, but try explaining these to your child, especially if he or she is over 15, and see what happens. This doesn’t mean you must not counsel or that you must not share an experiential point of view. This just means don’t expect an immediate buy-in. It is this expectation that distances your child from you and that distance is famously touted as a “generation gap”.

Whether you believe in this or not, this is the way it is. Each of our lives is designed in a unique way. Whatever is happening to us has been ordained, most definitely in a cosmic sense, to help us grow and evolve, even as we biologically age. This is exactly the way the lives of our children too are designed. No amount of forethought by you could have changed the course of your Life. Similarly, no amount of worrying by you can change the course of your child’s Life.

Sit back and re-examine your relationship with your child. Especially if you have a teenager or a young adult at home. Reboot your perspective and role – both. Choose to be a good friend who suggests, but does not demand; who shares, but does not control; who is honest, but does not insist; and who is forgiving, but does not say ‘I told you so’ when things don’t go per your child’s plans. None of us can ever claim to be perfect, understanding parents. We are all works-in-progress. And so are our children. If we understand and appreciate this truth, we will stop worrying and let our children live their lives – and learn from their experiences!

Awareness is the key to uproot debilitating emotions

The only way you can go the root of your emotions is by simply being. Through experiencing total awareness.   

A close friend pointed out, after reading my blogpost of yesterday, that while it is easy to suggest that we must uproot whatever causes debilitating emotions in us, it is very difficult to actually do that. Indeed there are no methods. But uprooting the cause of anger, fear, anxiety, worry, jealousy, grief or guilt, from within us, is not entirely difficult. If you learn to be aware, through consistent training of your mind, you can go to the cause of your emotions and uproot them!

The human mind thrives in the past and in the future. It keeps on reminding you that a worry of an unborn future is more important than the present moment. It drags you to bemoan a dead past instead of being present in the now. This is why you are continuously trapped with all these emotions. Awareness means being present in the now. This doesn’t mean anger will not arise in you. It will. But your awareness will remind you that being angry is futile. Because your anger is directed at what has happened. It is directed at a past – which is over, which is dead. So, you realize the futility of your being angry. It is the same with fear. You fear someone or something because you are afraid you will lose someone or something. Fear concerns a loss most of the time. Your awareness will help you understand that fear of a loss is inconsequential in the endgame. Because anyway when you depart, you will go empty-handed. When you are aware you will realize that there is no loss and no gain in Life. Everything is just an experience.

Awareness is a state of non-doing. In awareness, you lose all subjectivity. There is no witness, only witnessing remains. Since you drop the ego, the mind becomes powerless. You are now witnessing each of your emotions, and in the larger, expanded consciousness, you are realizing how futile they are. That’s really how you uproot these emotions and live freely. This requires continuous effort and training of the mind. Over a period of time, being totally aware, simply being, becomes your natural state. That’s when you will experience total bliss!