Being rejected can be a very
debilitating experience. But never allow yourself to think that you are
worthless just because you have been rejected.
We met a gentleman the other day. A good HR
professional and a very sensitive human being. In his early 50s now, he has
been asked to leave an organization that he had barely joined a few months ago.
This was the third job that he was having to quit in the last three years. We
were informally counseling him on how he could cope with this phase of his
Life. Although his age and experience had imbued in him the maturity to know that
such phases do happen to all of us in Life, his eyes kept welling up every time
he talked about the manner in which some people were treating him. He was
suddenly finding that all his experience and professional abilities were being
viewed warily. He had been repeatedly rejected by his last three bosses and
employers. All this was hurting him and he was finding it difficult to hold
himself together.
I can relate to and empathize with this
person’s situation. I too have struggled with being rejected. It really, really
hurts; especially when you have put in your best, when you are being pushed to
a corner and are told – without logic or reason – that you are not good enough.
But over the years, through severaI experiences, I have learnt to deal with the
grief that follows rejection. I have realized that grief is a very self-serving
emotion. All it does is that it makes you depressive. Yes, it is natural that
when you are rejected by someone, you will feel sad. And depressive. But
wallowing in that depression is of no use. It will pin you down. It is like
being locked up in a coffin that’s dumped into the sea. Now, you – and I – are no
Houdini to stage a great escape. So we sulk, pine and suffer.
There’s a way to deal with rejection
though. That way is to never take the act of rejection or the person rejecting
you personally. Let’s understand, accept and appreciate that everyone is
entitled to their opinion, their choices and their decisions. If someone
exercises their prerogative with reference to you, they have only done what
they are entitled to. Their choice need not necessarily be viewed as a judgment
of your ability or character. Well, it may be possible that you can learn from
the experience of being rejected and you may want to improve yourself. But in
any case, don’t let the experience of getting rejected get to you. It is just
another situation in Life where you have the opportunity to develop and demonstrate
strength of spirit and character. Don’t get obsessed with rejection and use it
as a benchmark to measure yourself. “Oh! I have been rejected by 100 employers.
This is the third job I am losing in as many years. I am a failure because so
many people have told me so.” – all these are self-demeaning perspectives.
Feeling sorry for yourself and grieving is not going to make you feel any
better or even get people to accept you. What can help you is your moving on
and trying again. Chances are you may get rejected again. Then you move on
again and try one more time. It is as simple as that!
All our lives have fragmented phases when
things don’t go to our plans. Unfortunately, there’s no Life Defragmenter that
you can run to fix such phases. You have to endure such phases with patience
and poise. Feeling frustrated, humiliated and sorry is of no use. Instead
remember that what you are going through, whatever is happening to you, is no
reflection of who you are or your ability. With time, every
phase passes, everything changes and nothing lasts – not even tough times!
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