Don’t restrict your child’s natural
curiosity to explore the world. Be an empowering parent – let go and watch your
child grow!
A friend of mine from my college days
reached out to me. He lives in Mangalore. He wanted me to “inspire some
confidence” into his young, 16-year-old son. We met for coffee last evening. I
found the boy to be very cheerful, very positive and extremely clear about what
he wanted to do. He said he loved science – all three subjects, Physics,
Chemistry and Biology. He aspired to study medicine (when he finished his 12th/Junior
College in Mangalore) at the Armed Forces Medical College, Pune. He wanted to
be a doctor and wanted to continue sketching (his hobby) all his Life. Now,
what do you tell a child who’s got all his plans mapped out? I told him this:
“Be curious always. Never settle into a comfort zone. Keep seeking, keep
learning, keep enquiring. Nobody can motivate you. Motivation is an inside job.
Whenever you feel distracted, think of what will happen to your long-term
goals. Understand that distraction is not a sin. It will only delay your
journey to your dreams and goals. When you refocus on your goals, you will let
go of all that which distracts you.” The young lad smiled back at me. He
appeared to have understood what I had to say.
“Are you on facebook,” I asked him.
“No,” he replied sheepishly, while looking
at his dad questioningly.
My friend piped in: “His (Junior) College
principal has made him sign an undertaking, an oath actually, saying for the
next two years he will not get on to facebook or use a mobile phone – neither at
College nor at home. The principal wants to ensure that his College’s success
rate to get students into premier “professional courses” is never diluted. And
I support the principal’s stand wholesomely.”
I disagreed with my friend. I said that
both facebook and mobile phones are enablers. They are both tools, a way of
engaging with the world, I suggested. But my friend cut me short. He was clear
his son should not be “corrupted” with a view that “encouraged being on
facebook”. I decided not to force my view. That ended my conversation with the
young chap; for the rest of the evening, my friend and I went on to talk about
our lives and times…
On my auto-rickshaw ride back home from the
cafe, I reflected on the myopic perspective that both parents and teachers have
that inhibits the natural curiosity that children have. In today’s world, when
there is so much information available on fingertips, why would anybody want to
deny their children access to that information? Yes, the internet can lead you
to porn sites as much as it can lead you to wikis on various subjects. Being on
facebook can connect you to friends and family who share experiences and
learnings that can enable you to gain an insight into how the world thrives.
Yes, you can end up adding avoidable people as friends on facebook if you are
not prudent. But I feel a parent’s job is to help children develop this
discerning point of view. Empowering with choice, while explaining
consequences, is much better than restricting children from doing things that
they will be naturally curious to do. This whole view that facebook and mobile
phones will corrupt a child and ruin his or her Life is reflective of the
parent’s/teacher’s poor quality of thought. In my humble opinion, the moment
you restrain a child, you are planting the seed of rebellion or are encouraging
the child to operate with deceit. Because, whatever you bluntly deny – without adequate
logic and conviction – children will find the means, one way or the other, to
access it. A better approach would be to allow the child freedom of choice,
have continuous conversations and if there is an over indulgence from the
child, only then take restrictive steps. To employ a blanket judgment that all
children will get “distracted” from academics or that they will go “astray” if
they are on facebook or if they use mobile phones is poor parenting and poorer leadership.
Another point: for heaven’s sake, let’s
stop obsessing over “professional” courses, “safe” careers and “95+ percentage
strikes”. What we need teachers to do is to inspire the spirit of excellence in
children and not to flog them to deliver grades. What we need parents to do is
to imbue good values in their children and not to make academically-proficient
nerds out of them. Finally, here’s the bottom-line: This is not a
case for facebook or mobile phones. This is about raising beautiful, intuitive minds.
Empowering children will nurture their curiosity and creativity, restraining
them will only make vegetables and rebels out of them.
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