‘The
Happiness Road’ is a weekly Series on this Blog that appears on Sundays where I
share my conversations with people while exploring their idea of happiness!
It will be easy to introduce Maneesha Ramakrishnan as
“the lady who has seen death at close quarters.” But I prefer referring to her
as the one who knows “the true meaning of Life and happiness”!
On 23rd February 2010, Maneesha was trapped on
the 7th floor of Carlton Towers in Bangalore when the building
caught fire. She survived the over-one-hour entrapment, but she had to go
through nine surgeries over the next few years to be able to live on and tell
her story. She has lost most of her voice, she breathes through a tracheotomy
tube implanted in her larynx, and she has no sense of smell.
Before the Carlton Towers fire episode, her Life has not
been exactly smooth either. She has had to deal with two relationships – that
culminated in marriages which did not last; she has raised her two children,
Akarsh and Dhruv, as a single parent. She has had to ‘stumble and struggle’
through various career options to ‘earn a living’. And then the Carlton Towers
fire left her physically, financially and emotionally devastated when she was
just 40!
Anyone in her position would have lost the will to live.
But Maneesha has not just survived and soldiered on, she has learnt to be happy
despite her circumstances!
Vaani and I know Maneesha through a common friend. We had
invited her to receive a copy of my Book ‘Fall Like A Rose Petal’ when
we launched it in Bangalore in August 2014. What she said back then, while
receiving my Book, has stayed with us: “Value each breath. It is precious. I
know what it means to be unable to breathe. When you value each breath, you
will learn to appreciate the gift of this lifetime, and to be happy.”
On The Happiness Road Series
this Sunday, I invited Maneesha to share her awakening, inspiring, perspectives
on living and happiness! I have retained the Q & A format in which this
conversation happened, because I find Maneesha’s thoughts simple and
easy-to-hold and, above all, I feel adding on my views to them will mean
diluting, or perhaps even adulterating, the essence of what she is saying! The green highlights in each of her answers are intentional – they are
the key takeaways or learnings we can borrow from Maneesha’s beautiful,
shaken-but-not-stirred Life!
Pictures Courtesy: Maneesha's Personal Album
What does happiness mean to you?
The act of
giving myself away before I need to or I am asked to. It is, well, a
responsibility!
Has your idea of happiness evolved over the years?
Indeed it has.
As a child, I used to care for my two brothers – we
three were born in consecutive years. My first idea of happiness was caring for
them, caring for my cousins and making other people happy. My parents were
caught up in their own struggles; their focus was not on us children. So, I
found great warmth and joy in visiting my grandparents in Kerala for summer
vacations. I used to be deliriously happy visiting them.
So, that was my early idea of happiness.
The Carlton Tower fire changed my idea of
happiness, and of Life, forever. When I reflect back on how I was trapped in
there on that fateful day, I realized that I was exposed to the “deepest form
of human suffering – fighting for just a breath of fresh air”! I now know the value of each breath
that I am breathing, that each of us is breathing. Ever since, I have been
creating a lifetime in moments. And I am addicted to it. This addiction to live
fully, moment by moment, to me now is happiness.
You have been through a couple of relationships - were you
searching for something through them/in them?
Because I didn’t think my parents focused on me, I
grew up becoming a rebel. I desperately wanted to get out of home and so, as
soon as I was 18, I married my neighbor, who I was deeply in love with. But, to
my horror, I realized that he was alcoholic and had no job. My husband’s mother
was very kind to me, she loved me dearly with all her soul, she protected me
and treasured me. But she sadly passed on soon after my first son was born. I
tried to break away from the marriage but it ended up being messy – my father
made things worse by launching a legal battle against my husband. In an effort
to resolve the mess, I went back to my husband to try and make a new beginning.
But after my second son was born, and when I did not see any point or hope in
the relationship, I separated from him.
I carried on with my Life, raising my two boys,
supporting them with money that I was earning from tuitions that I was offering
to children in our neighborhood. This is when I met a counsellor, whose views
on Life and happiness attracted me to him. He loved me deeply. More important,
he taught me the value of loving myself. He made me feel special. I moved in
with him. Over time, we married. It was a Christian wedding and I dressed in my
dream dress. But he was 20 years older to me, and soon, he felt he needed to
let me go. But as we separated, he told me, “Thank you for the best years of my
Life that you have given me.”
Both these
relationships taught me something very important. That Life just keeps on
happening to us. We make some decisions based on how we feel about something,
about someone, at a given time. When that circumstance, or person, or both
change, we must be open to change too. Clinging on to a situation that you
don’t want makes you unhappy. Letting go sets you free and allows you to invite
happiness in your Life!
How did the Carlton Towers fire change your Life?
I think about the Carlton Towers fire every day.
But not the way I did on 23rd February
2010, the day when the fire happened. She
(yes it’s a “she”:)!) crosses my mind
like a spring cardinal that flies past the edge of my eye: startling, luminous,
lovely and she’s gone! The event of
the fire and the tragedy is something that I’ve come to look at as a
significant segment of the journey that I’ve been on in this lifetime. I have
learnt from her over a long period of
time. It is not about getting over it or healing. No. It’s about learning to
live with this transformation. For
the experience is transformative, in good ways and bad, a tangle of change that
cannot be threaded into the usual narrative spools.
2011: I felt it exhilarating and liberating that I
was free from the bondage of Life support systems. Even as I grappled with a
loss of vitality, and impairment in physical functionality, I was happier being
the way I was. My wind pipe and vocal cords have got constricted because of the
amount of smoke I inhaled on that tragic day. Despite repeated surgeries they
have refused to get back to normal. So I breathe with the help of a tracheotomy
tube inserted in my larynx. When I must speak, I block the tube’s opening and
that makes me audible – it restores normal functioning of the vocal cords
because we do pause our breathing when we speak.
2012 & 2013: I resolved that I was going to
work on myself. I began by moving away from self-pity. I stopped obsessing over the repeated trials
and tribulations in my Life culminating in some way with this gruesome fire and
tragedy. I began to nurture my children. This helped me repair and resurrect
myself. I started to participate in the movement to bring justice and closure
to those nine families whose loved ones did not survive the fire. This gave me
a sense of purpose. It was not easy. But it kept me moving in a direction that
I was very happy with. I stopped viewing myself as a helpless, hapless victim.
I decided to call myself “The Queen of the Carlton Fire”. That change in
perspective, in personal perception, opened me to the opportunity that all of
us has in embracing abundance thinking. Happiness is really celebrating what you have, celebrating
who you are!
2014: I relaunched my career as a “Chef on Hire”.
It gave me a physical, practical, financial and blissful anchor. But Bangalore
weather can play truant with someone who now as a permanent breathing
impairment. After struggling with a couple of winters, I realized I have to
stop looking at external reference points and circumstances to change for me to
be happy, for me to be at peace. I simply went within and have found complete
bliss.
2015: Finally, I am alive again. :) Each day, each moment, I allow myself to just
be! I feel all the more entitled to be living Life fully now.
Yes it’s taken five long years to get here! But I
am happy I am here!
How has it been raising two boys - for most times as a single
parent?
|
Maneesha with her soulmates Akarsh & Dhruv |
Akarsh and Dhruv are my soulmates. They have grown
up into young adults despite their entire childhood, their teenage years and
young adulthood being ridden with chaos, uncertainty and stress. They have
given me reason to love, live, laugh and they have loved me so unconditionally.
They have taught me the value of compassion – they doted on me through my
several stints in hospital; with Dhruv even refusing to leave my bedside. Ours
is a great friendship – I have always been open, sharing with my boys and I am
always willing to learn from them. I am so grateful to God that this area of my Life, as a parent, a single
parent, has been so blissful, so blessed, so beautiful.
How do you cope with your practical lows - when there isn't
enough money for a medical procedure or when you want to do something for your
boys?
We are so blessed. Yes, we have been pushed to edge
several times but the Universe has never let us down! It is a very
compassionate Universe. People who hardly know us have kept supporting us
financially. Whenever I can I have provided what my two boys need. But when I
have been unable to, I have always told them openly why I have been unable to
give them what they want. This honesty has helped immensely. I have also never
allowed the feeling of financial constraint to get to me. If I have not had
money to give my maid or a helper at home, I have cooked them a meal. Such acts
of serving, has always made me happy; and for them…I guess…they have felt loved
and cared for. So, yes, there
are practical everyday lows, but you overcome them with love!
How do you manage to walk the tightrope between living happily
in the moment and earning a living?
Life is a tightrope walk. But you must not see only
the tightrope. You must see how blessed you are to be on it, with all the love
and compassion that holds you up there. I remind myself daily that I am “God’s
favorite” – that I will never be let down, I will always be looked after. I
have accepted the tightrope as an integral part of my Life. When you accept your Life for how it
is in the present moment, you can be nothing but happy!
What is the message you would like to give to the world? To
the millions out there who don't know they are blessed and instead are taking
their blessings for granted and are leading unhappy, miserable lives?
See your Life as
a fantastic growth school! Everything that you experience, both good and
challenging, has come to you to teach you the lesson that you need to learn for
you to evolve as a person. Understand this truth. Keep asking yourself, 'What
opportunity does this person or situation represent in terms of your personal
growth?’ This is a great source of inner peace. The best way to live Life is to
live the authentic Life. Never betray yourself.
Have you ever thought of where you want to go in Life from
here?
I want to share with the world this blessing I
have, that of a capacity to temporarily put away all the
circumstances that surround me, that hold me
hostage in a physical sense, to go within and find inner peace and true
happiness. Post the Carlton fire, in 2012, when I was going through intense
physical trauma, an epiphany occurred to me. I chose to let my pain be where it
was and chose instead to look at the pain and suffering of another. I saw the
families of those who were lost in the fire. I saw their grief. I gave them all
my love. That was a huge healing process for me. I want people to learn from my
experience. I want to share this awareness, this method too, with the whole
world.
I visualize myself driving around in a food truck,
with lots of balloons, giving away food and home remedies to people who need
them the most. Not just to humans but to animals and birds. I believe that in living
in the beauty of each moment, fully, with love and compassion, we can be
eternally happy!
thanks, avis, for giving us the beautiful thoughts of this beautiful person. :-)
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