Life is so incredibly demanding. Sometimes, you may have to have the
most uncomfortable conversations even though you may never want to have them.
But have those conversations and liberate yourself, despite the pain that they
may entail, because without them, you will agonize, grieve and suffer.
Let’s take an example. You just don’t have the
chemistry going with someone in your Life. You have tried. She or he has tried.
But it has never worked out. Over the years, you find that your equilibrium is
lost in this person’s presence. And you take ages to recover every time from
that ‘encounter’, that ‘conflict’ or even that ‘chance meeting’. So, you are
now in a hermit mode, having ‘retired’ after being ‘tired of trying’. Not out
of ego, not out of hatred, but out of wanting to just anchor in peace. Peace
for you and peace for this other person. And then you get a call from ‘a
someone’ connected to both of you, inviting you to consider a truce; appealing
to your sense of maturity, to your conscience to let go of ‘past issues’, of
‘baggage’, to forgive and to ‘resume’ ties. This is the time that you must take
charge of your Life. Ideally, you may want to duck this peacemaker’s call or
conversation. You may want to hide from this opportunity. But don’t. Stand
there. Be in the face of it and evaluate the opportunity objectively. Examine
if you believe that the chemistry with the person in question can ever be
restored and made to work. Examine if you and the other person, both and not
just one, really will benefit from this ‘reunion’. Examine if you will be happy
meeting this person. If the answer is yes, and only if it’s a yes for all three
statements above, proceed. Else, stay away. Peace, inner peace, for both of
you, is more important than a sense of reason and victory for the peacemaker.
Not that the peacemaker means any harm. Or is doing something for ‘showing off’
(not that there don’t exist such pretentious peacemakers on this planet!). But
just that, it is important for each of us to know what chemistry works, with
whom, when and where. And more important is to employ this knowledge
intelligently and profitably for all concerned.
Chances are the peacemaker, and observers, will
opinionate and even chide you for being ‘bull-headed’, ‘heartless’ and
‘unreasonable’. But you explain your point of view while remaining unmoved.
Just double check if you are not operating from a position of ego and hatred by
asking yourself the following questions. If there was an avenue for rapprochement,
would you have waited for a peacemaker to broker a deal or would you have
reached out? Do you wish this other person well or are you still seething with
rage? Have you been at peace in all this time that you have stayed away from
the relationship? When you ask and answer these questions, truly, honestly, you
will be able to confirm if your ego is coming in the way or if peace is the
way. If it is the latter, have the difficult conversation with the peacemaker,
any observer or even the person in question. This conversation must be gone
through to free you of any pangs of guilt, of any emotional burden. Don’t avoid
it. “Remember”, as American novelist, Nicholas Sparks, writes in “Message in a Bottle”: “Nothing
worthwhile is going to be easy.”
So, a simple rule of thumb to feel unburdened and free
in difficult relationships is to 1. WANT the peace 2. HAVE uncomfortable
conversations although you may want to hide from them. 3. DON’T operate from
ego or hatred. 4. DO what’s right and best for both people involved__you and
the other person. 5. DON’T try to be a martyr or a hero__just be who you are. And, fundamentally,
recognize that it is sometimes perfectly fine__and the best thing__for some
relationships to be laid to rest, a.k.a, Relationship In Peace__R.I.P!
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