By letting go of your hurt,
transform it into forgiveness!
Bollywood actor Tabu’s new movie Fitoor (Abhishek Kapoor) is releasing
this week. She apparently plays a bitter, vengeful character. The New Indian Express’ Anita Britto
asked Tabu, as part of a pre-release interview, if, in real Life, she was as
vindictive as her onscreen character. “When hurt and deeply betrayed, only
revenge can give you happiness. The great concept of forgiveness is not easy.
It is great if you can forgive, but you are in a place to forgive only when you
don’t feel hurt,” replied Tabu.
While I don’t agree that revenge can give
anyone happiness, I do believe that forgiveness happens when there is no hurt.
It is important to understand why you feel hurt
when someone lets you down or causes you pain, injury and grief. Of course any
form of pain – physical or emotional – will hurt. But a hurt festers in you
because you allow it to. The truth is that you hurt only when you allow someone’s
action to stay with you, in your thoughts. When you let go of your anger, of
your suffering, while the source (or impact) of pain – as a person or event –
may remain, you will not hurt anymore.
You can reach this level of evolution if you
understand the futility of hurting and being vengeful. What is the point with
either? Someone has wronged you. And they have done it only because they saw it
as right. Your getting even with them will only make you suffer more. It is not
going to make them any better or realize that they have wronged you. Instead,
they are going to retaliate. And then the process of vengeance is will go on
and on, never ending.
Osho used to tell a story that so
beautifully illustrated the need to replace hatred and vengeance with love and
forgiveness.
One of the greatest Sufi mystics was Rabiya
al-Adabiya, a woman who was known for her very eccentric behavior. But in all
her eccentric behavior there was a great insight.
Once, another Sufi mystic, Hasan, was staying
with Rabiya. Because he was going to stay with Rabiya, he had not brought his
own copy of the holy Koran. He thought he could borrow Rabiya's holy Koran.
In the morning he asked Rabiya for the holy Koran
and she gave him her copy. He could not believe his eyes when he opened the Koran.
He saw something which no Muslim could accept: in many places Rabiya had
corrected it. It is the greatest sin as far as Islam is concerned; the Koran
is the word of God according to them. How can you change it? How can you even
think that you can make God’s teaching better? Not only had she changed it, she
had even cut out a few words, a few lines – she had removed them.
Hasan said to her, "Rabiya, somebody has
destroyed your Koran!"
Rabiya said, "Don't be stupid, nobody can
touch my Koran. What you are looking at is my doing."
Hasan asked, "But how could you do such a
thing?"
She replied, "I had to do it, there was
no way out. For example, look here: the Koran says, ‘When you see the
devil, hate him.’ Since I have become awakened I cannot find any hate within
me. Even if the devil stands in front of me I can only shower him with my love,
because I don't have anything else left. It does not matter whether God stands
in front of me, or the devil; both will receive the same love. All that I have
is love; hate has disappeared. The moment hate disappeared from me I had to
make changes in my copy of the holy Koran. If you have not changed your
Koran, that simply means you have not arrived in the space where only love
remains."
I have not read the Koran. I am not even sure if this story is true. But I believe that
its essence is unputdownable. The story reminds us to replace hurt and hatred
with love. For ourselves and for those that let us down. You
carry a hurt as long as you think about the person that caused it as someone
who has wronged you. Instead think of that someone as one who is lost in Life.
Who knows not what he or she is doing. And then watch your
anger, your hurt, transform into something beautiful and liberating –
forgiveness!
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