Forgiveness means to accept people
for who they are. Irrespective of their irrationality, of their attitude
towards you and of their actions.
I recently met a business associate who had
failed to fulfil his contractual obligation to my erstwhile (and now defunct)
Firm.
It had been a messy relationship. He was
paid a sum of money in lieu of his services that he never delivered. When my
Firm demanded the money back, he stonewalled us and refused to even take my
calls. I sent him a strongly worded email to which he never replied. So, it was
in these circumstances that this person and I met at social event. He was
courteous but he was both uncomfortable in my presence and, most certainly,
unapologetic. Sensing his discomfort, I clasped his hands, and looking him in
the eye said, “Let bygones be bygones. I know we have an issue pending. But I
am not carrying any grudges any more. I am sorry if I have hurt you in any way
over the episode we both wished had never happened.” That kind of lightened the
atmosphere and we spent the rest of the evening drinking and chatting up!
I am not even sitting in judgment of what I
did as right or wrong. I simply forgave the person. Period.
I have learned from Life that nobody is bad.
Nobody is out to fix anyone! People do what they do because they believe they
are right in doing so. Or they think if they didn’t do so, something grave is
going to happen to them. Or if they didn’t do what they are doing, they may not
get what they expect from you. All irrational behavior by someone then is a
manifestation of what they are thinking, their belief systems at that moment, which
again is a reflection of the time that they are going through. Such behavior
needs to be responded with compassion not hatred. These people need your
understanding. They need your forgiveness, not your anger. Besides, if you
think deeply about it, what purpose does anger serve? You burn in it, while the
person at whom you are directing your rage is often totally nonplussed about how
you are feeling.
To truly forgive means to give someone your
deepest understanding. It means to let go of the need to judge, opine, analyze
or justify and to simply accept the diversity in human Life. It also means to
appreciate that people will think different, behave different from you, because
they are different from you! Besides, forgiving someone unburdens you of
all the excess baggage of anger, hatred, grief and suffering that you will
otherwise carry around. Forgiving someone who has hurt you is the best gift you
can give yourself. Think about it. This awareness can
make your Life beautiful!
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