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The biggest opportunity you have with you, to preserve your
inner peace and happiness, is to say “No”! Just leverage it.
A recent
acquaintance who lives in another city
in India reached out to us. We have barely known her for a week. She’s an
entrepreneur and a very well groomed, warm and erudite person. Interestingly,
we haven’t met her. The introduction and subsequent conversations have all been
over email and phone. Over those interactions, which happened almost daily for
five consecutive days, we realized that she was quite pushy and was keen to
have her view on things, people and events around her. She wanted us to help
her contribute to victims of Chennai Floods. Which was fine. And we did
whatever was within our means by referring her to two organizations we know
that, among several others, are leading the efforts on that front: Bhoomika
Trust and Hand in Hand India. She wasn’t very convinced with our recommendation
because she wanted to connect with beneficiaries so she can help them directly.
That was something, we reckoned, which we were neither comfortable doing nor
competent to do. Having known about us through a newspaper article that appeared
recently, during one of our conversations, she said that Vaani and I held
several limiting beliefs – “which is why you both are still mired in debt”.
Over the years, we have understood that people have a right to their opinions
and so we don’t either take any opinion amiss or make efforts to erase such
opinion. We say what we have to say and leave it. Then, a couple of days ago,
this lady came up with a request over email – to provide some business-related
logistical support for her customer in Chennai. We politely wrote back saying
we can’t help her with that request and that we would appreciate if she spared
us of such requests in future. It is possible the mail ticked her off. Because
we haven’t heard from her since!
But here’s the point: when someone is trying to
push you to do – or say or accept – something that you don’t want to, and when
your earnest and polite suggestions make no impact, just say “NO”. Just say it
as it is. Remember: between how you will feel doing what you don’t want to do,
and how the other person will feel hearing your “No”, your feelings are more
important to your inner peace!
Now, this advice does not apply to situations
involving rank strangers or acquaintances alone. It applies to anyone who wants
you to do something you don’t like doing – could be a boss, a colleague,
neighbor, friend, family or whoever. You don’t have to be rude. You just have
to be firm. Ideally a diplomatic “No” should help the other person get the
message. But sometimes people are so consumed by their views and opinions of
others or they are so immersed in what they want achieved that they end up
being unnecessarily pushy. This does not mean they are “bad” folks. They are
just the way they are. And the best way to get the message across to such
people is to never BS. Just say it as it is. As someone, wisely, has said, “The
shortest distance between two points (of view) is a straight line.” Walk that
line. Say “No” when you have to. Or, simply, never
say “Yes” when you want to say “No”! Now, that’s the lil’ secret to protecting
your inner peace.
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