Don’t cling on to any relationship that makes you unhappy.
Just step out and free yourself!
I
watched Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s (SLB) epic historical Bajirao Mastani earlier this week. True to SLB’s style it is
awe-inspiring for its grandeur, finesse and story-telling. The film recounts,
with some cinematic liberties taken, the story of Bajirao I (played brilliantly
by Ranveer Singh), the Peshwa (Prime
Minister) of the Maratha empire, between 1720 and 1740. In this time, while on
the one hand Bajirao leads the expansion of the Maratha empire across the
North, South and East of India, he takes Mastani (an amazing performance by
Deepika Padukone), the daughter of the King of Bundelkhand, as his second wife.
In the backdrop of the political compulsions that govern the Life of the Peshwa, SLB’s Bajirao Mastani tells the story of the unbridled love between
Mastani and Bajirao – even as Bajirao’s first wife, Kashibai (a solid portrayal
by Priyanka Chopra), comes to terms with losing her husband to this “other
woman”. SLB’s work, as usual, is pure poetry on screen. The romance between
Ranveer and Deepika makes Bajirao Mastani
seem so real in front of your eyes – as if you are in the 1700s, in Pune, in the
midst of the Maratha empire.
But the
real hero of the story, according to me, is Kashibai. For a simple reason – she
operates, all through the narrative, from her core of inner peace and as who
she believes she is. Yes, she is shocked when her husband falls for the
aggressive and maniacally-brazen Mastani – who, to compound matters for the staunchly
Hindu Maratha society, is a Muslim! So, Kashi does grieve initially. But she
soon chooses to stand her ground. She has done no wrong. She has caused nothing
to warrant losing her husband to the “other woman”. It’s her husband’s choice.
In one epic scene in her personal chamber, where Bajirao goes to take her leave
before embarking on his final military mission, Kashi tells him not to ever
come back to her room – meaning, to her! There was no drama as Kashi expresses
herself. There was just a firm, stoic, acceptance of what is and a decision to
move on – “you have another woman, that
choice is unacceptable to me, we don’t relate to each other anymore, so, let us
separate.” Even when she rushes to his side later, as he lies ailing, she
has this clarity that she’s there as a caregiver and not as one necessarily in
a relationship. And that perspective that SLB brings out, and which Priyanka
beautifully portrays, offers a key learning for all of us.
The
tragedy with most marital relationships is that they try to lock in, actually
hold as hostage, people within a legal and social framework. Just because you
are married to someone, you have to suffer that person for the rest of your
Life – however disenchanted that person may be from you or however distant you
may have drifted away from that person. There’s nothing wrong with marriage as
a concept – except that the way it is insisted it is practiced has rendered it
totally useless. The truth is, over time, everything and everyone changes. The
circumstances in which people come together change. Biologically people change –
with ageing. Emotionally people change. So, like Bajirao, people get drawn to
new liaisons. To be sure, Bajirao here is not a gender-specific metaphor. There
are so many contemporary women who seek meaning in companionship outside of
their marriage – and there is nothing wrong with it. They key is not to feel
trapped. It is important not to suffer. And Kashibai teaches us how not to
suffer. She can’t relate to a philandering husband, she can’t accept her man
sharing “love meant exclusively for her” with another person. Simply, she can’t
relate to her new ‘Peshwa’. So, she
divorces him by banning his entry into her chamber.
Kashi’s must
not be as a reel-Life choice. In real Life too, indeed, it is so, so simple. If
you are caught in a relationship that’s making you unhappy, just step out of
it. Be open. Have an honest conversation with your spouse and opt out. There’s
nothing wrong or sinful about such a choice. In fact,
it is grossly unjust only when you kill your inner peace and happiness only to
protect a relationship – per a social and legal definition – which is long
dead, which is, seriously, not there anymore!
Every marriage runs in to a problem at some point of time. You mean separation is the only choice?
ReplyDeleteIf it happens, then India will beat western countries in divorce rate.