Ultimately, you cause your own
frustrations.
However much you find reasons to justify
what or who created a situation that makes you feel frustrated, in the end, the
buck stops with you. And unless you decide to not feel frustrated with your
situation – whether you invited it upon yourself or it was forced on you is
immaterial – anymore, you will feel no better.
The other day we were locked out of our
home. The lock of our front door had been acting cranky. I had even had a
carpenter look at it. But when he advised an hour-long process to fix it, I
sent him away saying, matter-of-factly, that we will deal with a “being locked
out” crisis, when it arrived. And it did arrive. Around 10 pm on a Sunday; when
it was raining! Sure enough, I was frustrated – with myself, with the lock,
with the situation, and with my poor carpenter. 10 years ago, I would have
blown my fuse, banged my fist on the wall and screamed hoarse. But after trying
to deal with the lock for a few minutes I suggested to my family that we should
go get some dinner before the restaurant nearby closed. Over dinner, we thought
through our solutions and in about an hour we had found a locksmith who let us
into our own apartment in three minutes!
There's no magical way to deal with frustrations.
Everyone struggles. And that includes me. But one way, I have discovered for
myself, that often helps in snapping out of a series of frustrating thoughts
that torment you when things go wrong is to ask yourself, “What could I have
done to avoid feeling frustrated?” As you can see, this question is not
directed at taking on the blame for the situation nor is it a solution per se to the problem on hand. It is
only focused on the aspect of how you are feeling – frustrated – at the moment
and how to deal with that feeling.
When you go to the root of that feeling, you will find that you could have
responded differently to the situation which would have at least prevented you
from feeling frustrated, helpless and despondent.
When you are in an un-frustrated
state of mind, you begin to think more clearly, rationally and start addressing
the problem on hand from a solution point of view rather than from a mere feeling
or who-is-to-blame point of view!
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