Make an intelligent choice. To forgive. Begin with yourself. Let go
of all the resentment within you.
A friend asked me recently if I ever feel
guilty over my actions. He was particularly referring to the decisions I made in
my Firm which led to its bankruptcy and plunged our family into a grave
financial crisis – something that we are still enduring. To be honest, I was,
for several months, very, very guilty. My guilt made me angry with myself.
Every time I looked into the mirror, I would hate my own sight. But over time I
realized that guilt only makes you suffer – it doesn’t allow you to take
constructive actions that can help you solve the problems your decisions or
choices may have created.
In the 1993 Hollywood action movie Cliffhanger, Gabe, played by Sylvester
Stallone, is a mountain rescue team member. When attempting a rescue mission,
across from a ledge on a mountain top called The Tower, Gabe is unable to save
Sarah, whose harness breaks and she falls 4000 feet to her death. Gabe is
unable to forgive himself and vows to never attempt another rescue in his Life.
In fact, he gives up climbing. Eight months after Sarah’s funeral, Gabe comes
to pick up his belongings from his girlfriend Jessie’s place and asks her if
she too will go with him. Jessie is livid and distraught that Gabe’s gone into
a shell and is grieving with guilt. She tries to talk to him, invites him to
move on while explaining to him that it wasn’t his fault! But Gabe refuses to
accept her point of view. In one final, desperate attempt to make him see
reason, Jessie screams at him. She says: “If you don’t forgive
yourself, let go and move on, you will be on that ledge forever.”
Metaphorically, I was on that ledge for a
long time. But I soon realized that my guilt is a very selfish, convenient,
emotion. I understood that I preferred to grieve with guilt, pretty much like
Gabe, because it “felt good” to take the “higher moral ground”. Well to sit on
a perch, even if it is made from a mountain of guilt and self-soothing
morality, is good for a while. But how long can anyone be up there? And how
long can anyone be carrying the burden of a past guilt? At one time or the
other, you have to climb down, you have to set down your guilt, free yourself,
and move on. If you don’t do that, you will be depressive and will suffer
endlessly. And most important, you have to begin to work on your situation. This
awakening, that dawned on me, during one of my “mouna” (silence period) sessions, helped me to get off my ledge!
To be sure, however, off-loading guilt does
not mean you are irresponsible. It doesn’t mean that you don’t (or won’t) ever
feel the guilt. It only means that you are not letting your guilt come in the
way of whatever you must do to solve a problem situation. In my own context,
even after getting off the ledge, and working hard every single day for over 8
years now, our challenges still persist. So, imagine, what it would be like for
us with the added burden of guilt weighing us down? Simply, we would be
dysfunctional – physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Ask yourself this question: Are you on a “ledge” yourself? If you are, then you will do
well to understand this better. Often times, we make Life choices that backfire
or even blow up on our face. It’s important we recognize that making mistakes
and judgment errors is an integral part of growing up. Unless you forgive
yourself for your mistakes, your transgressions, your anger and your ego, you
cannot forgive others. And if you don’t forgive others you are a breeding
ground of more hatred, more anger, more himsa
(violence – violent thought). So, look within. And let all the himsa in you, turn into ahimsa – non-violent
thought. Get off that
“ledge”, learn to forgive, if possible forget, and move on! You, surely, will live
happily ever after!
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