Refusing to look at a problem, or denying its existence,
cannot make your Life any simpler.
All what you
suffer from comes from what you deny. Facing Life and taking a problem head on
is what can make you solve it and live in peace.
But we invariably
don’t like to exorcise our demons. We somehow have become comfortable
suffering, feeling tormented, preferring to stay debilitated than feeling
liberated. Because continuing to be miserable seems far easier than having to
work hard to rid ourselves of what makes us miserable!
I met someone recently
after a couple of years. He, in his own opinion, was financially ‘very well
off’. Yet he found his Life ‘incomplete’. He spent entire days, daily, in a
prominent five-star hotel’s bar, literally being there from the time it opened
to when it closed! He lamented to me that his wife no longer loved him and all
she wanted was ‘his credit card and a certain sum of cash monthly for her
shopping sprees’. His 24-year-old son, though married, was not exactly doing
anything significant and ‘lived off’ his dad. His daughter was the only one who
understood him but their relationship too in recent years had come under
stress. She wanted to go overseas for higher studies but he was insistent that
she marry now because that was the norm in his ‘community’. He said to me, in a
tone reflective of a defeated man, “I have lost it in Life. I have done no
wrong. Yet everyone around me has let me down. I am suffering. I wish I could
die.”
I laughed at him
and looked him in the eye. I told him: “My friend, you are the problem. For, as
far as I know you, you have been drinking entire days for years now. You have a
drinking problem – spurred by a lack of Purpose in your Life. You have enough
and more money. So, because you don’t know how to be useful and productive, you
are indulging in something that has already ruined your family Life and is on
the verge of consuming you.”
My friend suddenly
turned hostile. He ended our meeting and drove away drunk in his car, despite
my request and protests to engage a taxi leaving his car behind.
I wish he
understood that unless he faced the brutal reality of his Life, he may really
be unable to make it any better.
Just as my friend
has a problem, each of us has a problem too. All of us like to deny whatever is
our problem__ranging from a relationship to a lousy job to a ruinous
habit__hoping that time will take care of it! This is one area where no one can
help you than you, yourself!
But facing the truth
is scary. How does one see the reality?
Good question. And
so, it is with all situations, with all of humanity, with all aspects of Life!
Fundamentally, if you know what you want out of your Life, you can go find that
Life and recreate, reinvent yourself. But if you don’t know what you want, how
can anyone help you? This question is not as profound as many people make it
out to be. It is a dumb question. Even a person with low IQ can answer it __ by
approaching Life the other way, by knowing, for starters, what you don’t want
in your Life! Because the truth is that nobody wants to suffer. Since you don’t
want to suffer or be miserable why do anything, or accept any situation that
accentuates your suffering?
Remember: There
are no two ways in which you can change your current realities or end your
suffering! So, if you are feeling miserable about anything__or anyone__in Life,
sit down and introspect. Diligently make a list of actions that you must take
to end your misery. Resolve to do it. And just get down to doing it. Don’t give
yourself the license to make excuses. My good friend Andy Law, maverick
creative thinker and head of The Law Firm, says, “Unless you are prepared to
give up something valuable you will never be able to truly change at all,
because you’ll be forever in the control of things you can’t give up.” What he is reiterating is this: the only way to solve a problem is to first accept that
it exists.
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