Dealing with depression requires a deeper understanding of
what’s making you angry and unhappy. The moment you understand what is
disturbing you, you can either let it go or fix it.
A recent issue of India Today ran a cover story on depression. The statistics are
alarming. One in every four women, and one in every 10 men, in India is
depressed. That’s about 120 million people – enough to fill a state the size of
Maharashtra! From death to divorce to health to stagnating careers, these
people are battling unmet expectations and struggling to cope with the
psychological impact of their challenged state of mind.
I know what it means and feels like to be
depressed. About 10 years ago, I was depressed too – except that I didn’t even
know I was depressed! I had gone to meet a renowned psychiatrist Dr.Vijay
Nagaswami; I was reporting irrational bouts of anger. Dr.Nagaswami heard me out
for an hour and told me that I was depressed. He said I had two ways in front
of me to deal with my depression – medication or meditation. And he staunchly
advocated the latter. Thanks to Dr.Nagaswami, for me, meditation worked.
I learnt to practice silence periods daily –
a method called shubha mouna yoga. It
required me to be silent for an hour each morning. That investment of an hour
up front in the day helped me gain control over the remaining 23 hours! As my
practice of mouna deepened, over
time, I began to go to the root of my anger and my depression. Through that
process, I understood myself and Life better.
Let me share my learnings here. You become
depressed because something you expect has not happened. You wanted someone to
love you, but she is not interested. You become depressed. You wanted a raise but
it’s not happening. Again, you are depressed. The only person who understood
you in the whole world is dead. You are depressed. You are accused of something
you did not do. Depressed! You have a health situation that has crippled your
functioning. You are depressed, to the point of losing interest in Life! So, in
effect, whenever an expectation goes unmet, you are depressed.
Now, depression can manifest itself in two
ways. As anger. As it happened to me. But that anger is not always there. A certain
listlessness, a self-pity governs your daily Life. When someone or something
interferes with it, you explode with anger. The other way depression happens is
with sadness. Sadness is nothing but dormant, passive anger. You conclude you
are helpless and lonely and that no one understands you. You brood all the time
and keep pitying yourself. Now, in
either context – anger or sadness – the mind is not allowing you the
opportunity to understand the futility of your being depressed. Which is why
meditation – which helps you still your mind – is very useful in understanding
what’s going on and choosing an intelligent response, and not a depressive one,
to the situation.
Let us say you are angry, hurt, upset – and
are therefore depressed – with the way someone has treated you. You can sulk
for as long as you want, but that person is never going to realize that she or
he has done something wrong, until you walk up and speak your mind. When you do
this, that person can either accept your point of view or reject it. Now, you
can never control another person’s attitudes or actions. You can only do what
you can. When you realize that you have done the best you can, you learn to let
go and move on. Now, you are not depressed anymore – because you are not
suppressing your anger against that person nor are you sad that you have been
treated shabbily.
Surely, this approach works in all
contexts. The simplest way to snap out of a depressive spiral is to know that, in
Life, it is always what it is. People and events are just the way they are.
Your wanting them to be different is of no use. Unless people and things
change, of their own accord, it is what it is. Period. So, don’t punish
yourself trying to bemoan your fate. Get up and move on. Every moment that you
are angry, sad and depressed, is a moment you have not lived your Life fully! Think
about it. Staying depressed is a complete waste of precious time. And you don’t
have much time either!!! As the famous
Persian philosopher and poet, Omar Khayyam (1048 ~ 1131) says in his classic,
Rubaiyat, “The wine of Life keeps oozing drop by drop; the leaves of Life keep
falling one by one.”
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