Know someone’s story before you
comment on them. Better still, look at yourself in the mirror, and appraise
yourself, before you pass judgment.
The gravest mistake that we make as human
beings is to comment on other people’s lives without knowing their stories. Yet
we do it so often. Because it is a free world. Free for interpretation. Free to
comment. Free to opinionate. Free to pass judgment. So we all exercise that
freedom with complete, often reckless, abandon. And with impunity.
Therefore, a person who has never paid
taxes or voted or managed a team or led an organization, will gleefully
opinionate on how the country’s Prime Minister must lead and govern. A wife
beating husband will talk about morality and women’s rights. Someone who
downloads and watches pirated movies online will support a questionable
movement against corruption and champion honesty in public. A woman who has
been through a divorce and living single will be seen as ‘available’. And
someone following his bliss, and therefore standing his ground by not running
the corporate rat race, will be seen as ‘wasting his youth and messing up his
career’. Each of us is guilty of this crime. I too have committed it in the
past. We see someone drive up in a big car, we say, “Filthy rich fella…” We see
a man in rags on the street, we conclude, “Beggar.” We don’t pause to think. We
don’t care__or even__want to know these people. We only want to presume and
opine. And what about the people we know? We don’t want to trust them. So, if
someone is saying or doing something we don’t like, we don’t want to know them
better or understand them. We just want to opine again. Randomly.
Some years ago, owing to all the frequent
travel that I has to undertake, I found myself being upgraded to business
class, at the boarding gate, on a domestic flight by the airline’s loyalty
program. It so happened that a friend that I had borrowed money from__those
were the years early on in the bankruptcy of my Firm__also was on the same
flight. And he was in economy class. My friend who was chatting me up prior to
boarding refused to see eye to eye with me once we boarded. Upon arrival at our
destination, he walked away pretending he didn’t see me. I sent him a text
saying it was good seeing him. He didn’t reply. A few weeks later I received a
lawyer’s notice saying my friend demanded that I pay back his money. The crux
of the argument was that ‘if I had the money to spend on a business class
ticket, I surely had the money to repay him’. I did not even engage a lawyer__I
could not afford one__but replied to the notice saying a client had paid for my
economy ticket and the upgrade had happened as a matter of rote and
circumstance and not by my engineering or special design! My friend proceeded
to sue me in a court. And I said the same thing in court as well, breaking down
as I said it. The judge implored us both to settle the matter out of court. My
friend was appalled. He met me outside and I pleaded for his understanding. I
showed him documents that demonstrated how bad the business had gotten. And how
we were even struggling for our living expenses. He listened to me patiently.
He apologized for his conduct and walked away. Now, had he cared to understand
me even when we were boarding the flight together, we wouldn’t have needed to
be in a courtroom.
That episode has led me to transform and to
resolve never to judge or comment on anybody. The learning is two-fold for all
of us: 1. We all behave like my friend some time or the other. 2. We all must
realize that we behave so because we don’t trust people around us. The only way
we can and must live our lives is by never passing judgment or opinionating on
someone or something unless we have to and only if we know the full story. We
must learn to understand and appreciate people’s stories and predicaments first.
Accept that people, despite what we see as apparent, can be going through a
difficult or challenging phase in their lives. Love people for who they are
rather than for what they should be or will be or were. Remember:
every beating heart has a story to tell. Know that story before you shoot off
your mouth!
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