It is fine to fail in love in Life. The
bigger tragedy is to not get any love or, worse, shut yourself to love.
I read the story of a
62-year-old man from Bihar yesterday. In his early twenties he had an affair
with a South-Indian, Tam Bram, girl. Her parents had her hurriedly married off to
a Tam Bram engineer when they heard of the affair. Today, 39 years hence, the
man still pines for her. He lives in Nainital presently but visits Hyderabad each
year just to see her. He recently wrote this on facebook: “Today
she has 2 kids; one son married and the other son is in the United States.
She also has a grandchild, a girl. She lives in Hyderabad. Every year for
the last 39 years, I have gone to see her. I don't meet her or make her
even aware that I am there. I don't want her to feel embarrassed. I guess
I live my Life through her. I never knew why she didn't have the courage
to fight for “us” – something that I was willing to do. I guess I will never
know. I am 62, unmarried, retired; I live alone in a three bedroom cottage,
and today, when I reflect back, I wonder if I made the right choice?”
Clearly,
this man is clinging on to his past. He has simply shut himself to love. It is
fine to fail in love. Sometimes things don’t work out. Either before marriage
or, as it often happens, even after marriage. The truth is marriage plays no
role in helping two people relate to each other. When the relating stops, the
relationship ends – whether or not you marry someone. In this man’s case, his
beau succumbed to the pressure she faced from her parents – a story that has
been played over and over and over again in many a Bollywood film right up
until the late 1990s. In fact, films of those days merely portrayed what
society was experiencing. By clinging on to what he believes is true love, the man
has shut himself out for 39 long years. He need not have married again. But he
surely could have been open to allowing himself to be loved and cared for.
Interestingly,
this man and his story are but a metaphor. The learning from his story applies
to all of us – whatever be our contexts. His is a tale of a lost relationship.
But so many of us are trapped in the past too. We are clinging on to something
which is dead. By holding on to what isn’t there, we are missing out on what
is. And what is, is the perfect present – the now. Where love is in abundance.
Where peace is in plenty. But to experience all of it, we must be present here –
in the now.
Ask
yourself: “What am I clinging on to?” Let go of whatever that hasn’t worked out
or worked for you. Simply let go! Open yourself up and offer yourself to the
opportunity in the moment. Then you will feel the difference. Your Life will be filled with love, peace and joy!
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