Being authentic means to do what you must, knowing that,
sometimes, even if you have done what you believe is the right thing, you won’t
be accepted as having done right.
Life will place
you in difficult situations sometimes. In them, you will be always faced with
options of doing what is right and what appears to be right. Now, this whole
concept of right and wrong is very subjective and relative. Something may be right
to some people at sometimes and the same thing will appear to be wrong to the
same people at another time. Or something may be right to some people and
appear wrong to others.
So, how do you act
in such situations? A simple way to act is to not necessarily qualify your
action as right or wrong. Because that debate will rage on __ both within you
and among people who will have opinions to offer. The important thing is to
act. And a simple framework to help you decide if your actions will be useful
or not is available. Ask yourself before you act in any difficult situation:
1. Will my action help all parties concerned?
2. Am I acting out of care and concern or out of ego?
3. Am I creating value in the given situation?
It is important
you answer yes to all three questions before you proceed. If you answer yes,
and you are willing to proceed, you must. It may well be possible that someone
else looking at the situation may be answering the questions differently. So,
this framework is purely for the individual intending to act in a difficult
situation.
Having said that,
be sure that any action will always attract attention, critique, criticism and
often, unintended, equal and opposite consequences. When you act on something
in favor and on behalf of another person, you will be questioned as to why you
did it? The argument that it was the right thing to do won’t always work.
Because the someone who you tried to help may never be seeing your action as
right __ else, she or he may have done it themselves.
So, when you act,
be prepared to face the consequences. If you are not, don’t act. Simple.
If as a
consequence of your action, while you end up doing good in your view/eyes, you caused
anguish to other parties concerned, because they don’t share your sense of
perspective, then apologize. Beyond that, I also follow a simple visualization
exercise. I seek forgiveness from the person that I feel I have caused pain,
through my actions, by visualizing that I am touching her or his feet and
giving her or him a hug. The other person may not still see it your way. She or
he may not even see the apology as tenable. But at least you feel the power of
your intention to have both acted with purposefulness and apologized with
humility.
The bottom-line is
to be authentic. You can be authentic with action and authentic with inaction,
depending on what kind of a person you are. Either way, strive to be authentic,
than wanting to be right and be seen as right. I for
one know that I can only find peace in being authentic and prefer to have
acted__ always acting with the 3-step framework__ learned and apologized, than
to not have acted at all.
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