You can’t
solve all your problems at the same time. Do what you can do in a given moment,
do it well and let go. There is no other way to live Life. This is the only way
to be happy.
This is what I have learnt from our guru, our teacher, Swami Sathya Sai
Baba. Interestingly, I have never met Swami in my Life. But I have, over the
last 7 years, experienced his presence every moment and his teachings have come
in at all those crucial times when I have needed them the most.
I remember vividly. It was 8th
May, 2009. A Friday.
Earlier that week, given that we were
dealing with the bankruptcy of our Firm, and were unable to repay our
creditors, including my immediate family, there had been a showdown with my
mother. I had borrowed money from her and had pledged my parents’ property (an
apartment in Chennai’s Gandhi Nagar/Adyar area) with a bank. With the turn of
events and the eventual collapse of my Firm, and my personal insolvency, I was
neither able to return the money I owed my mother nor was I able to redeem
their property from the bank.
For whatever reason, best known to her,
my mother, with whom I have always had a poor chemistry, imagined that my wife
and I were faking a bankruptcy. She said I was a cheat and demanded how I was
able to carry on living “flashily” while being unable to repay her. I have had
so many arguments with my mother and several showdowns over the years of
growing up, of knowing her and being her son. But this time, this showdown was
gut-wrenching. The burden of the label she affixed on me, of a cheat, was unbearable.
What she said was not so important but what weighed me down was that my own
mother, my own biological creator, was saying it without wanting to understand
me.
This showdown happened on Monday, 4th
May, 2009. For the next few days I was numb. I was struck by grief. 178 other
creditors were chasing me, demanding money. Many of them were harassing me and
my family. But facing all of them, and the stresses of having to convince
people that I did not have money to repay, I never felt so beaten, so battered.
But my mother calling me a cheat, this was something I could not get out of my
mind. I hardly slept those next few days. (I have recounted this experience and others in my Book - "Fall Like A Rose Petal - A father's lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money"; Westland, August 2014) That’s when, seeing my plight, a
friend recommended us to a Sai Bhajan.
The host of this Bhajan is a young
man who is a messenger of Swami – Swami speaks through him. Given that I am a
rational thinker, my friend advised me and my wife to “hang all scientific
thinking and reasoning at the door” and simply go in total surrender to a
higher energy. At that time, I never had any disrespect for Swami – I always
believed he was a great social worker and I felt the work he was doing in the
Puttaparthi area was remarkable. But I didn’t, back then, think much of Swami
as a guru or even as a swami.
|
Swami Sathya Sai Baba |
Yet, convincing myself that I didn’t have
anything to lose by following our friend’s suggestion, on Friday, 8th
May, 2009, I attended a Sai Bhajan for
the first time in my Life, at this young “messenger’s” house. As the Bhajan was in progress, something
happened within me. I simply broke down and cried inconsolably. I remember
saying this to myself, “I don’t know you. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know if
you are indeed a swami, swami. All I know is that I am not a cheat. And I want
you to help me and my family. We don’t know what to do. There is total
darkness. There is no way. Please help. If you lead, we will follow.” You
can call it a prayer. You can say it was a despondent appeal. Whatever it was,
on that day, I couldn’t think of anything else to say or do. My own mother had
called me a cheat – it seemed like the whole world had ended for me there. At
the end of the Bhajan, my wife and I
were invited to ask Swami questions – through the our young host, Swami’s messenger.
We went into a private ante-chamber, where we were given vibhuti as prasad in a
tiny zip-lock pouch. Words failed me and my wife. This seemed very illogical.
Very bizarre. Yet, strangely, it seemed real.
And true. Swami spoke through the
young messenger: “I am now your mother and father. Your debt is mine. Just let
go and be happy.” I had not told the young messenger anything. I had not talked
of the issues I had with either my mother or of our bankruptcy and insolvency. But
Swami was bang-on! He had addressed the most important issues that plagued us
both at that moment. We were dumbstruck by what we heard. And that’s how our
journey with Swami began – we simply let him be our coach, teacher and guru.
Over the last 6 years, whenever we have
had problems – and we have had huge ones, almost every single day – Swami,
through the young messenger, will only reiterate this one point: “Let go! And
be happy. Focus on the now. Live in the moment. Tomorrow’s problem, we will see
tomorrow. Stop the worrying. Just stop it.” Yet, Swami has never advised or
allow inaction. He would always say: “Do what you can, what you must, to solve
the problem. Take action. But don’t worry. Worrying is useless. It kills the
spirit of all your action.” To be sure, never once has Swami, through the young
messenger, asked us to do a puja or
say a prayer or conduct a penance – the only thing he’s asked us to quit is,
well, worrying! And there’s really nothing irrational about that advice!
Over time, this consistent coaching by
Swami has helped us train our mind. I can’t say we don’t worry. But when worry
arises like a wave, our awareness, our training, helps us tame that wave. We
let go of the worry and move on. I am personally a lot more evolved and
anchored as a person, a professional, a parent, a friend, a son, a brother and
husband today – than I was just 6 years ago! And that’s because of Swami’s
presence in my Life – his teachings and his hand-holding. He’s the guru I have never met, but whose presence I have always felt! To that presence, I
offer myself on this Guru Purnima Day and onward…
I don't know why but after reading this, I too felt a sudden outburst. It is not your situation but what you talk about. The worrying nature that we human beings have kept ourselves busy with more often than not! I think the worry comes from the fear that builds within. Of how we will solve a particular problem or come out of a hard situation. Keeping the worry at bay does help. I am going to try that. May be, god will then guide me towards a better way that probably I would never have thought about before.
ReplyDeleteTotal surrender to him (God) will take care of things.
ReplyDelete